Need encouragement

[mousewife]

Hi All,

I have just been having some bad days lately.  I don't know why.  Last Friday was the fouth anniversary of my husband's death from glioblastoma multiforme.  That day wasn't bad, and last year wasn't bad.  But, for a few days now I have just had a lot of anxiety and worry about not being able to take care of myself for the rest of my life, and a lot of sorrow.  Maybe part of it is that someone else I know has just been diagnosed with it.  They say they got it all, but I have never heard of this type of tumor being able to be completely removed.  I have just found a site where many people have posted that they have survived this cancer.  While I am glad for them, it's hard for me to hear this and then think maybe I gave up too soon.  Maybe if we had had a third surgery and tried the Avastin my husband could have survived.
I know I made the best decision I could at the time.  I just feel really badly right now and am having a hard time thinking of living the rest of my life without my husband.  I also lost out on a job that I was well-suited for both in experience and education.  This has made me feel really worthless and unemployable.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

[Terry]

((((( mousewife )))))

I can understand your sadness, especially when hearing of how others are surviving something your husband could not. As you shared, you made the best decision you could at the time. And, that's all any of us can do. Try and find some peace in that.

I'm sorry, too about the job. Did they give you a reason? Did you ask?

Hold on and know that tomorrow is another day and hopefully, a better one. I do understand that it's hard to see past a 'moment' when sadness, fear and uncertainty come knocking.

I'll be holding you close in my thoughts and in my prayers. And, wish you could feel this BIG HUG coming your way!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((mousewife)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

[browneyedgirl]

(((mousewife)))

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time right now.  I hope that it will soon pass and you will find some peace.

[mousewife]

Terry and Browney,

Thanks for the encouragement.  I am still struggling some.  Re the job, I didn't ask them.  I thought about it, and I still may, but then I think if it was meant for me I would have gotten it.  The only thing she repeated a couple of times was that I haven't had a paid position since 2005. I spoke about unpaid work I have been doing, but didn't think to say that three of those years I was too actively envolved in care giving, and the first semester of 2009 I was completing a practicum. 

Well, anyway, thanks for taking time to encourage me.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

[johnkmurray]

Mousewife,

The current job market is as tough as any I've seen. I know firsthand, as I was laid off last September and have been doing contract work on and off (more off) since then. Employers are able to pick and choose from a large pool of very qualified candidates. Getting rejected by a potential employer is in no way an indication of your worth as a person. If you can find out why you didn't get the job that would be valuable in helping you with future opportunities, but don't be surprised if they don't give you much info. They will be very careful due to fear of litigation. If you have a large gap in your resume be prepared to fill in those 'missing' years.

Dealing with a tough job market on top of dealing with grief is ... challenging. Some days the grief alone made me want to simply give up. When I got laid off just months after losing Kit (my wife) to cancer, well there were many days that I struggled just to get out of bed in the morning, never mind try to focus on a job search. All we can do is take things one day at a time.

Sending hugs your way,
John

[laurenE]

Mousewife,

It is a tough job market, as John has said.  I too was laid off last yr and now only work part time.   Less than ideal but at least it is something.    I guess I hold the belief that if it is meant to be,  it will happen.  Apparently there was something 'wrong" with this job for you, things unbeknownst to you right now.  Perhaps the environment was unhealthy or a co-worker who is difficult to deal with,  or even the job not suitable for you at all.  Just don't give up. When the right job comes along,  you will get it.  The fit has to be just right.

I'm sorry for your pain.  It is not surprising that this diagnosis of a friend would trigger the memories of your husbands battle with this horrible disease.  And once again you are faced with life not being fair.  I mean,  how come person x  was "cured" years ago, when your precious husband was taken from you so soon? .    I wish I had the answers to comfort you but unfortunately I know too well that ,  well,  sometimes life isn't fair and sometimes we lose...alot.   But what I do believe ,  is that as hard as it is to understand,   we all have a time table for being here on this earth.  Some are taken way too soon, and some are left to "finish" out there long lifespan.  It doesn't make sense most of the time,  but again,  its supposed to be,  as painful as that was  for me to finally accept,  not so very long ago.

This is a new phase of grief for you, which means growth and healing are occuring.  I just recently started exercising (long overdo mind you) and am in so much pain right now I  can barely sit here and type and am really wondering why I am doing this (it would be really easy to quit right now).   But I am told that the pain is a good thing, b/c it means good things are happening, including renewed health.  And then I realized that this way of thinking is not so far off from our emotional pain and healing.

  Pain=healing.   Talk about not being fair or making no sense.  lol

Sending you hugs my friend,
laurenE

[mousewife]

John and Lauren,

Thanks for the words of encouragement.  I haven't felt as badly as I have in the last few weeks in a long time.  Usually spring coming makes me feel better, but this winter seems to be having a tendency of hanging on.  My work with widows has been very consuming and draining also.  I does help me to see your responses though.  I don't share my bad times with the other widows because they look to me to be the strong one.  I tell them I still have bad times, but I don't go into detail with them.  So it is good to be able to talk about it here.  Thanks again.

Peace and Healing.
mousewife

[Luvinmike]

Dear mousewife;

Thinking of you and sending a wish for peace, strength and endurance for you. I hope you are starting to get to see some flowers come up.
I am going into 3rd year date. Came to read here for support.

I was on employment rollercoaster and only idea I have to offer-  is to look for a solid company that is growing and get in any way,  even in the call center as a temp and work up, that is what I am doing.
I was a manager for 18 years so it was a rough emotional path to start all over while grieving the loss of my best friend but it paid off.
Hope that helps- I really agree that the market is so hard now, and it is definitely not a reflection of your capabilities or self- their loss for sure.
Please carry on knowing we are all here rooting for you in every way.