Hello
This is my first time to post here. I have read many others over the past year. It does help somewhat to know others are feeling lost too.
I lost my husband of 35 years one and half years ago. It was an accident. I went to work one morning and he was here. I got home just in time for the paramedics to pronounce him dead. I never got to say good-bye. I still think about him all the time and am so depressed. Does it ever let up? I see him everywhere. I go to work and come home. That is my day. I live in an isolated area. Far from a town and my only child lives about 3 hours away. He tries to help, but it not the same. I know losing your father is a hard thing to over come, but I lost my best friend. I miss his face so much and the sound of his voice. I started writing a continuous letter to him. I don’t know if that is a good thing to do, but I feel like maybe he knows I write it. And it makes me feel like I am talking to him. It that crazy? I feel like my whole world is gone and I don’t see it changing.
I just want to know when does it stop hurting so much. Will there be a day I can get through without crying?
Thank you for letting me post here and giving me a place to vent.
Tootie223
Hi, Tootie. Sorry to hear about your tragic loss.
I came to this forum after I lost my son (my only child, he was 29) about 1 and half years ago. But I lost my husband many years ago, when my son was a baby.
I remember that I wrote to my husband quite a bit for several years after his death, especially to tell him how our baby was doing. It helped me feel better. I don't think there is anything wrong with it.
I did it with less and less frequency over the years, but I never really completely stopped doing it. And I write to my son all the time right now - at least once a week, often more than that.
One lesson I learned from my husband's death was how much having an "outside concern" (for lack of a better term) helps. Having my baby was a huge help because I couldn't dwell on the death or my pain. He needed me and was a very cheery, energetic baby, so I had to keep up.
I don't know if there is anything you can do about your isolation, but if you feel up to it, you could try getting involved in something that interests you and that would provide an "outside concern." Since I lost my son, I am now working on getting certified for foster care, hoping that will help me.
Don't know what the options are in your area, or what your interests are, or if you feel ready to start venturing out. You are right that the world you knew is gone - and it takes time, and it really hurts, to accept that and start building your new world.
Take as much time as you need, but if you start to feel like you are really sinking in too deeply to ever come back up, consider a professional counselor (or minister or priest) that you can talk to regularly. I have a counselor and it has helped me, and being able to come here and vent, as you say. Take advantage of any outlets you might have.
My sympathies to you for such a sudden and major loss. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. I know it takes some courage to post here for the first time, but I think you are doing the right thing reaching out to those who truly understand what you are going through.
And your sharing helps us all feel less alone.