Still feel lost

[johnkmurray]

     John, you say you can socialize okay? I can somewhat. But as nice as my friends are, I feel like a third wheel. It’s nothing they do, it’s just me. All of our friends are married and maybe it’s just the feeling of not belonging to anyone.

Tootie,

I can socialize, at times to the point where I feel like my "old self" again. That feeling of being odd-man out is still there, especially with the circle of friends that Kit and I shared. Being out with couples is especially odd, as at times like that I feel like a part of me is missing. What's missing really is the "us" that Kit and I used to be together. Like you said, there's that feeling of not belonging to anyone.

What feels really odd is if I'm out with friends, especially couples, and they bring along a single gal. How do I handle that? Are they trying to fix me up? Are they simply inviting single friends who would otherwise be spending the day alone? Am I even ready to think about relationships again?

Mousewife: I think I'm starting to understand what you are saying. April 7th will mark exactly one year since I lost my wife. Have I learned to cope with losing her? Heck no ... not by any stretch of the imagination. Am I getting over it? LoL, I doubt I ever will. I hope I never do, because I'm afraid that I would then lose some of that magic that we had while we were together, that the special person in my life that was Kit will fade from memory, be less real. Cancer may have taken her from this world, but as long as I hold her close in my heart Kit will never really die. Can I do that and still move on to the next chapter in my own life? I dunno, but I guess that fact that I can ask myself that question is a positive sign.

I feel like some days I move forward, others I step back. Some days are positive, optimistic. Other days I just want a do-over: rewind life a few years so I can be with Kit again, maybe get her to see a doctor sooner, if nothing else to ensure we live each day to the fullest, be the best husband I can possibly be, spoil her rotten, simply get back to a happier time before cancer, before losing her, before I had to deal with this gaping void in my soul created by her death. On my worst days I simply want it all over with so we can be together again.

Sending a surplus of hugs,
John

[ccwilcox]

Reading the posts on this thread has been a comfort to me.  My husband died just two weeks ago, and every time I come across a photo of him, some note he's written about something he wanted to remember, one of his beautiful landscape photos...it feels like I've just run into a wall.  I feel like I can't move, or breathe, can't stop crying.  It's still hard to imagine going through the rest of my life without him, but it's comforting to know that people can eventually socialize after a loss like this.  Right now, socializing seems way beyond me.

[ezwalker]

Hi Tootie:
Sorry I haven't written in a while.  The wedding went well, I was out of it, but it still happened and my daughter seems very happy so I'm happy for her.  I certainly hope they make it.  I was just thinking about you, and I wanted to say hi.  March was a horrible month, I'm hoping April will go better.  I'm going to grief counseling, I don't think it's helping that much so far.  I think it's all just starting to hit me now.  The loneliness is killing me.
Take care,
e.

[tootie223]

Hi Elaine,
   I am so glad that your daughter’s wedding went well. I too hope that they have a great life together. Finding a partner and friend to go through this life with is a fantastic thing to happen.
   I think you need to give the counseling a longer try. Heck it’s only been a month and a half for you. It’s been over a year and half for me, and I still have some really bad days. My doctor gave me Wellbutin, but seriously I don’t know what they are suppose to do. He said it takes the edge off. Whatever.
   My thoughts and hugs are with you. Keep me posted on how you are doing. I find communicating with people who have gone through the same thing really helps. As wonderful as friends and family can be, it’s just not the same and as hard as they try I don’t think they really understand.

Good thoughts,
Tootie

[tootie223]

    I just want to say "Happy Anniversary" to my husband. It would have been 37 years today. I still miss him so much and long to see his face again. I don't expect any responses to this post, just felt comfortable here to say what my heart feels.

Thanks,
Tootie

[Terry]

Happy Anniversary to your darling husband and to you, tootie!

You have my heart.

(((((((((((((((tootie))))))))))))

Love,
Terry

[johnkmurray]

Happy Anniversary! ;-)

[tootie223]

Thank you for your well wishes. They are greatly appreciated but not necessary. Like I said just wanted to say what was in my heart at the time.
Thanks,
Tootie223

[jaxsaint]

I'm 15 months into the grieving process.  My husband Joe was killed by a drunk driver.  He was here one minute and gone the next.  I often struggle with feeling "lost" myself.  Socializing is difficult for me as most of my friends are married with small children.  I miss him all the time and I still talk to him all the time.  I am learning that I will never "get over it,"  but I also realize I need to start creating a life for myself that does not exist only in our home.  Sometimes I'm okay, and then for no reason at all I have a bad day.  Today is one of those.  I had a dream and my Joe was still alive in it.  I've been crying all morning as reality sinks in again.  You are certainly not alone in these feelings.

[Terry]

Jaxsaint,

I am sorry you are struggling so, now. We will have those days and they don't feel good so please know I understand.

Thank you for sharing your heart.

Sending you lots of big, warm hugs!

((((((((((((((((((((jaxsaint))))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry