Grieving over the loss of my fiance

[cdmom1]

I recently lost my fiance to cancer on January 2nd.  He was diagnosed at the end of November with aggressive lymphoma.  We were together for 12 years (actually, the day of his funeral would have been 12 years from the day we met).  We have a 9 year old son together and he raised my 16 year old daughter.

There are days where I can't believe he's gone and expect him to walk through that door any minute or walk up behind me while I'm doing dishes and hug me.  I miss him so much.  I just feel so hollow inside.  I know it is all so fresh for me and people say it will get better, but somehow I feel it never will.  I can't sleep at all. 

I've lost both my parents and my sister and I never thought anything could hurt as much as that did, but this is a different kind of hurting.  I just need someone who understands what I'm going through.

[browneyedgirl]

Dear cdmom1 ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of you fiance.  Cancer is awful, and I am so sorry you're in so much pain.  As you mentioned, "they" (whoever "they" is ) say it will get better, but you are VERY early in your grief.  Grief is as unique as each one of us.  Don't put a time limit in yourself, and be patient with yourself, you have suffered an awful event in your life.

Welcome to Webhealing, I am sorry you have to be here with the rest of us.  There are many, supportive, loving people here.  And there is always someone to listen. 

Please take care of yourself and come back and let us know how you are doing.

[SarahW]

I recently lost my fiance to cancer on January 2nd.  He was diagnosed at the end of November with aggressive lymphoma.  We were together for 12 years (actually, the day of his funeral would have been 12 years from the day we met).  We have a 9 year old son together and he raised my 16 year old daughter.

There are days where I can't believe he's gone and expect him to walk through that door any minute or walk up behind me while I'm doing dishes and hug me.  I miss him so much.  I just feel so hollow inside.  I know it is all so fresh for me and people say it will get better, but somehow I feel it never will.  I can't sleep at all. 

I've lost both my parents and my sister and I never thought anything could hurt as much as that did, but this is a different kind of hurting.  I just need someone who understands what I'm going through.

I am on this board due to the loss of my son in July 2009 (he was 29), but years ago, when my son was still a baby, I lost my husband.

It was a terrible time - very painful, with aching lonliness and sorrow.  I also experienced that emptiness you describe . . . it was so awful.  It was like a huge part of who I was had just vanished, and left this enormous hole.

Having my baby helped a great deal with moving forward - it was difficult, but also a blessing to have a small child.  I couldn't wallow in the dumps too long, he needed me so much.  He needed me to get up in the morning, to pay attention, etc.  And he needed me to love him.  Your children will be a help to you, too, I think, as time moves forward.

There is no way to avoid the pain; you have to go through it.

It will get better, but it takes time, and seems to be different for everybody.  I think it was about two years before I stopped having fairly frequent "meltdowns" in private.  And maybe . . . 10 years before I stopped having them at all, though they had become very infrequent by then.

Know that you are not alone in this - unfortunately, it is an experience we have all had, in one way or another, in this group . . . and we are surviving, in part, by sharing with one another.

I am sorry to hear of your terrible loss, and I wish you all the best as you move forward.

[Terry]

cdmom1,

I am so sorry for your great loss and being so recent, your disbelief is understandable. Try to take care of yourself the best you can; eating well/snacking, drinking plenty of water/fluids and resting even though sleep right now is very difficult. If I would have known then what I know now, I sure would have done things differently.

Welcome to our Webhealing family where others have also experienced great losses and are trying to rebuild their lives any way that they can. It is all so different for each of us.

Keeping your precious children in my thoughts as I know this must also be difficult for them, losing their father.

Sending you big hugs and lots of love!

((((((((((((((((((cdmom1)))))))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

[johnkmurray]

I've lost both my parents and my sister and I never thought anything could hurt as much as that did, but this is a different kind of hurting.  I just need someone who understands what I'm going through.

Welcome to WebHealing. You're not alone. Over the years I've lost both parents, all four grandparents, an aunt, my father-in-law, and a nephew, and none of that prepared me for the pain of losing my wife of 17 yrs to cancer last April. Words simply cannot begin to describe it. I feel like my world came to an end the day she died. Some days are better and some are worse. Today would have been Kit's birthday. For today I'm not even trying to cope - I don't want to answer the phone, go outside, talk to anybody, I just want to curl up here in my comfy chair with my pain.

I logged on to WebHealing today because here I can share these thoughts and here not feel like I'm a burden on anyone. I can express my pain and share the grief of others. In that sharing somehow it feels better. I guess knowing that I'm not alone, that this group is here for me, is helping me to slowly work through the grieving process. I hope it is the same for you.

Warmest regards,
John