Author Topic: loss of father  (Read 4410 times)

renee

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loss of father
« on: January 14, 2011, 09:16:20 PM »
It's been quit a few years since i've been on this site. I lost my dad almost 4yrs. ago. I still have a lot of bad moments the worst one happen a few weeks ago my daughter had my dad's voice from that morning on her cell phone she played it and I just lost it it was like that day all over again. I was crying hysterically and couldn't calm down for almost an hour. I thought I was doing better but it's still so hard. I wonder if I'll ever get over it. I'm so glad there is a board for suicide survivors on here now THANK YOU TOM!!
loving memory of dad
12/11/1955- 5/6/2007

Terry

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Re: loss of father
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2011, 06:15:30 AM »
Hi Renee,

I understand how hearing your Dad's voice would have thrown you into a tailspin. I experienced the same. It hurts and I think always will. How could it not? He was your Daddy.

I don't think we ever 'get-over' the loss of someone we deeply loved. I do, however believe we learn to live with the pain and to remember the good times more than the sadness and the pain from losing them. The sadness from missing them is forever.

I am also twice a survivor of suicide and the questions, for me seem to always be there, although I've found peace in their memories today.

Welcome back!

((((((((((((((Renee)))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

renee

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Re: loss of father
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2011, 03:26:50 PM »
just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice on when i should tell my daughter the truth. We told her that my dad died of a heart attack she was only 8 when it happened she is almost 13 now and i'm at a loss as to when to tell her the truth i know i have to tell her the truth eventually but i'm not sure when would be the right time. My daughter loved her grandpap very much and misses him so much. I'm afraid when I tell her the truth it will open her grieving all over again. Any advice from anyone that's been at this point I need your opinion desperately.
loving memory of dad
12/11/1955- 5/6/2007

Terry

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Re: loss of father
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2011, 12:59:46 AM »
Hi Renee,

I've explained death, in general to children but never one that involved someone taking their own life. I'm listing a few links that you may find helpful.

Tough issue: suicide and how to tell kids
http://forums.parenting.com/showthread.php?22394-Tough-issue-suicide-amp-how-to-tell-kids

Explaining suicide to children
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Pierson1.html
http://www.elesplace.org/resources/explaining-suicide-to-children/

Watch this video on suicide and how to explain suicide of a loved one to children. Dr. Nancy Rappaport, who lost her mother to suicide when she was four, explains how to talk to your child about suicide in the family.
http://www.healthyplace.com/depression/videos/suicide-video-how-to-explain-suicide-to-children/menu-id-68/

(((((((Renee)))))))

My Love,
Terry

Tom

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Re: loss of father
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2011, 05:29:16 AM »
It's been quit a few years since i've been on this site. I lost my dad almost 4yrs. ago. I still have a lot of bad moments the worst one happen a few weeks ago my daughter had my dad's voice from that morning on her cell phone she played it and I just lost it it was like that day all over again. I was crying hysterically and couldn't calm down for almost an hour. I thought I was doing better but it's still so hard. I wonder if I'll ever get over it. I'm so glad there is a board for suicide survivors on here now THANK YOU TOM!!

You are very welcome Renee!  Good to see you and so sorry I have been late in responding to you.  I have been in the midst of moving both my office and my residence. Now we are moved and we got our internet connection working!  ahhhh.
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Karen Martinez

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Re: loss of father
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2011, 08:33:41 PM »
Dear Renee,

I'm so sorry to learn of your Dad's passing.  The last voice you would have expected to hear was that of your father (at least in this earthly realm).  I've had a couple experiences over the 17 years since losing my Mom and Dad that I choose to consider as them 'breaking' through.  Several months ago I was watching an old video (of about 10 years back) made during a Holiday dinner.  I was filming everyone carrying on and laughing in the kitchen but couldn't see my daughter in the group.  I backed into the dining room where she was and it was apparent she was conversing with someone but there was no one else there.  As I listened closely she said something about 'can we go there grandpa?'  The response was 'we'll see honey.'  No question that it was my Father's voice but he'd been gone for some time.  I replayed this part about ten times.

My Dad's handwriting was a unique combination of printing and cursive.  At times when I'm taking notes at work I'll look down at my writing and it's not mine but Dad's.  I don't mean to get into a big paranormal thing here.  I know those triggers like hearing your Dad's recorded voice pulled the rug right out from under you emotionally.  Blessngs and love to you Renee.

A new friend -- Karen

renee

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Re: loss of father
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2011, 07:40:54 AM »
Well everyone I finally told my daughter the truth about a month ago. She was listening to a song called suicidal. I asked her if she knew what that meant and she said something totally off the wall. So that started the whole subject I explained to her what suicide was and reasons that some people take their own lives. Then she asked has anyone in our family done that. At that moment something told me she was ready to hear the truth. So I told her everything. She handled it very well and now understands why me and grandma break down and start crying sometimes. She is happy that I told her the truth and understands why we didn't tell her then. It was such a relief to me to tell her now I don't have to worry about someone slipping up and saying it to her.
loving memory of dad
12/11/1955- 5/6/2007