Author Topic: Suicide of son  (Read 6579 times)

CarolDG

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Suicide of son
« on: January 14, 2011, 04:53:41 PM »
  I feel hesitant to post about the loss of my son through suicide on other topics because their child was taken away, whereas, my son chose to end his life. I wonder why there are so few posts on the topic of suicide losses and wonder if it is still a big taboo. The suicide of my son is devastating, and I am having a very hard time dealing with it.

Terry

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2011, 07:30:00 PM »
Dearest Carol,

I read every thought that you've shared and I appreciate and respect your honesty. Your courage. No, suicide is not a taboo subject! Not on this message board it is not, anyway. I've heard shared the same about drug abuse and overdosing as others have shared they were hesitant to let it known how their child died.

There is no judge and no jury here. It does not matter how ANY child died. We are a grief and healing board and we share our pain, our memories....every feeling that has to do with our precious children that died.

We enter certain phases of our grief where we don't share as much. Our grief can become private. Other times, we draw inward. This is all a part of this very long and painful grieving process. And, just recently we added the suicide board and one of the reasons was the other parents on here requested it. Not everyone will share their feelings. We have a lot who read, also. From the beginning, I poured my heart out and never stopped as it helped me to share everything I was feeling. It continues to help me. Keep sharing, Carol and know we are listening with an open heart and we care.

Maybe Tina, Don or Gale could offer more insight into the issue of suicide seeming like a taboo to some as I've noticed they've shared their stories with you and offered support. They are all beautiful people with huge hearts.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time and I wish, more than anything that I could take some of your pain away. I often wish I had a magic wand.
I love and respect the people on this board, so much and feel that these are the strongest people I know. We are bonded in life by the deaths of our children and together is the way we make this journey and find any peace.

Know I love you and I care, very much!

(((((((((((((((Carol))))))))))))

Terry

Donnys Dad

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2011, 10:21:12 AM »
Dear Carold, although I know you do not want to be here, I welcome you to our unfortunate group who have been destroyed by the death of a child.  I lost my Son Donny almost 7 years ago and I am still devastated.  We were so close, "connected at the hip" his girlfriends us to say and that was true.  Saw him almost every day as he only lived 2 miles away.

I never use the su_ _ I D_E word.  When people ask I tell them he took his own life.  I often wish someone had taken his life.  As a retired Chief of Police I would of hunted that person down till I died.

Please do not be embarassed.  You loved your Son and I am sure he was a good person.  Please share with us about your Son.  I found this board shortly after I lost Donny and the people on here have helped me tremendously.  Terry is unvelievable with all her work on here.

Please come back and tell us about your boy.  I find it much better to talk about.  People shy away mentioning his name and that upsets me.  He was here he was a GREAT Son.  You can talk about my Best Friend with me.

Don
I Miss You So Much Buddy, My Best Friend, My Tiger

Don, Donny's Proud Dad


CarolDG

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2011, 06:45:58 PM »
  Thank you to those who posted because it helps me to feel a little better. It is strange, but I feel as if I would be intruding by posting on a non suicide thread.
  Time supposedly helps us to heal, but time is crawling since my son ended his life. I talk to his picture every day, and I keep waiting to wake up from a nightmare that begins when I wake up each morning. What I am learning is how much I think about my pain and feel selfish because he wanted out of here, and I want him back. But then, I figure if he were still here he would be in the pain he wanted out of, and I try to be brave and think I can take the pain of him not being here physically rather than have him here in misery.
  What is very hard on me right now is the loneliness I feel without him. I am having a problem with feeling forlorn because I live alone, and my son lived in another state, but I could call him before he killed himself. I knew that he was depressed, but I did not know that it was so bad that he would commit suicide!

AC Mom

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2011, 08:46:27 PM »
Carol,

The alone feeling you feel is very common among those of us who have had our only child die, and we live alone. 

I live alone, have no relatives living close to me, and like you, I feel lonely a great deal of the time.

My son was killed in a accident, but the lonelyness is still here.  My son also lived out of state.  But, I talked to him almost daily.  There are times, even after 8 years, when the phone rings at a odd hour, my first thought it is him.  Then, the pain is back, because I know he won't be calling again.

I would like to tell you the loneliness goes away.  But, like everything else in this life.. I have good days, and I have bad days with the lonliness and I imagine a part of me will always feel lonely.

Love and Hugs
Peggy


2waterdogs

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2011, 03:17:38 PM »
Hi Everyone,
It has been 2 &1/2 yrs since my Son-and only child-took his life and I'm still so very lost.  Like you Don, I just can't use the 'S' word. 
Since he was my only child (he was 34 yrs old when he left) the greatest joy of my life was being a Mom & now that part of my life is over. 
I don't know if being here will help b/c it is just so painful to talk about.  I did see a grief dr for a few months but dreaded going b/c I knew what we would talk about and it is just too painful to talk about it.  I also went to a SOS meeting but ended up crying the whole time I was there.  The people were so nice but I just couldn't talk. 
I have a small family and they are all so supportive & would do anything for me.  There just isn't anything that helps.  It is just so very painful that I don't think there is anything in this whole world that can help. 
I've lost my Parents &  my only Sister but losing a child just isn't right.
I hate the thought of people reading this & my words making them sad - I don't really want to share this horrible sadness with anyone.
Wishing you peaceful thoughts,
Pat
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.

browneyedgirl

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2011, 04:01:30 PM »
Hi Pat ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son, as well as your parnets and your sister. 

I hope that being here at Webhealing will help you.  There are many supportive people here, that truly do care.  Perhaps, others reading your thoughts will comfort them, sometimes it helps to know that someone is feeling the same way are, that they way you are feeling is not "crazy" or "abnormal".  You are not alone here. 

Please come back and let us know how you are doing, if you feel up to it. 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Donnys Dad

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2011, 10:19:14 AM »
Hello Pat,
I am so glad you came to this site.  7 years ago when I lost my Son to suicide and found him, I was done.  He was only son, my everything.

This is the only place I have found that you can truly be honest and talk about your son, and your feelings.  You have to let the grief out with others on here, we are all in the same stinky boat.  I still cry almost everyday.  No, I have not gotten over it, nor will I ever.  It will eventually get a little easier, but never will we get over it.  I can think of nothing else in the world as losing a child.  I constantly wonder how God allow this.

Please allow yourself to talk about it, cry as you must, not a problem.  It all helps us get thru this.

Please stay with us as these are the most caring people I have ever met.  Come back soon and tall us about your Son, and yes let the tears flow as you do.

Don
I Miss You So Much Buddy, My Best Friend, My Tiger

Don, Donny's Proud Dad


SarahW

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2011, 08:41:03 AM »
  I feel hesitant to post about the loss of my son through suicide on other topics because their child was taken away, whereas, my son chose to end his life. I wonder why there are so few posts on the topic of suicide losses and wonder if it is still a big taboo. The suicide of my son is devastating, and I am having a very hard time dealing with it.

I am so sorry to read about your loss, and I echo what everyone has said, here.

I lost my only son also - it wasn't to suicide, which I think adds another layer of pain.  But know that the subject of suicide is not a taboo here - in this thread, or the Child Loss thread.

Post wherever you feel most comfortable.  I haven't been here all that long, but my experience is that this is a place about providing support and allowing people to express whatever they are thinking and feeling about their similar experiences with tragic loss.

All my best!

I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

You were a gift

Terry

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2011, 10:24:21 AM »
Hi Pat,

I'm sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your precious son. It has always helped me to come onto here and share every feeling I was having. I first came to Webhealing 8 years ago when I lost my only surviving child, my son Jeff of 29 years. I also journal which has been a life line for me. You will find the people on this board to be so extremely awesome in their compassion, understanding and of course, their love.

Welcome to Webhealing and thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It's never easy the first time.

Come back anytime and tell us more when you are comfortable doing so.

Know we care, very much.

Big Hug coming (((((((((((((((((Pat)))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry


2waterdogs

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2011, 07:41:00 PM »
THANK YOU EVERYONE for the caring words.  I appreciate each & every one!
I would like to share with you all about my son..... just not tonight as I've had a crying spell for the last few days.  I get so sick of crying.
Wanted to ask you though if you ever feel like you have to be strong for the benefit of others?  I find myself avoiding people b/c it is so hard faking being OK when your not.  I know that some friends feel like I should be getting 'over it' after 2 & 1/2 yrs-they just don't know that we will never ever 'be over it'.
THANKS again for all your kindness!
Hope you all have a good weekend.
Pat
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.

SarahW

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2011, 09:43:37 AM »
THANK YOU EVERYONE for the caring words.  I appreciate each & every one!
I would like to share with you all about my son..... just not tonight as I've had a crying spell for the last few days.  I get so sick of crying.
Wanted to ask you though if you ever feel like you have to be strong for the benefit of others?  I find myself avoiding people b/c it is so hard faking being OK when your not.  I know that some friends feel like I should be getting 'over it' after 2 & 1/2 yrs-they just don't know that we will never ever 'be over it'.
THANKS again for all your kindness!
Hope you all have a good weekend.
Pat

Hi, Pat.

I lost my only child, my son Vince, back in 2009, to an illness.

People don't understand that losing a child is not something you "get over."  I still cry every day, sometimes just a little, sometimes I still weep and weep and scream.  I did just yesterday.

I do find that I simply do not want to share my feelings with people who think I should "be over it by now," or who want to "drain me," for one reason or another.

Take care of yourself.  You don't owe anyone explanations or apologies because you aren't your old self.  You will never be your old self.  Others may not like this - they loved your old self, and maybe they depended on your old self.  And this "new you" makes them anxious; they wish you would get back to being the "old you." 

But - though it may cause them anxiety or pain, they have to adjust to the fact that the old you is gone.  They have much less to adjust to, than you do - they can do it.

Also - please do share more about your son when you feel comfortable doing it.  I was very sorry to read of your loss.  My heart goes out to you and yours.

I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

You were a gift

CarolDG

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Re: Suicide of son
« Reply #12 on: February 18, 2011, 04:08:14 PM »
Today is Bubba's birthday; he would have turned forty. Before he died, I was wondering what it would be like having a forty-year old son and now I will not know. I baked his favorite cocoa apple cake which I will share with others; last year for his birthday I wanted to bake a cocoa apple cake to send to him, but I could not find the pan to bake it in, so I did not send him a cake. I had to go out today to buy a pan because I was determined to bake his favorite cake, and I feel awful about not baking him a cake for his birthday last year not knowing that he would not see another birthday.

Bubba's time of death came at a time with so many occasions close together such as Christmas, New Year's Day, my birthday in January, Valentines's Day, and his birthday today. It seems that each occasion has been hard enough to bare without them coming at me so fast!

Sometimes when I think about his death and feel distraught, I tell him that I love him and send him peace, and it helps to ease some of the pain.

Going on without him is so hard to do, and I wish that I will die soon so I will not have to suffer years and years over his suicide.

Once again, thank you to all of you who posted about your losses, and I send you my condolences.