Author Topic: Lost  (Read 5270 times)

Mommysbabygirl

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Lost
« on: January 06, 2011, 11:52:11 PM »
I feel very lost and I have no one to talk to. My family is grieving themselves so I feel like I can't really talk to them. I feel that co-workers don't really understand. i know it is going to be difficult and it will take time. I hear about people who were sick and dying and I feel sad all over again. I have trouble sleeping. I sleep with the tv on. I think because I was used to hearing my moms tv and now it's quiet. We lived together for the past 6 months and lived near each other for 5 years. She was always close by when I needed her. I didn't realize how much I depended on her. I miss her so much I want to scream.

Terry

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Re: Lost
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2011, 01:20:17 AM »
Hi Mommysbabygirl,

I've found it's very difficult to receive support from others around us who are also in a great deal of pain. You're not alone there, though I'm sure that helps you very little right now.

Your Mommy just died in November and it's all, as you shared like being in a fog-like state because for a period after wards, we are in shock. If sleeping with the TV on helps you then do whatever you need to, to not feel so lonely. Especially when the person we lost had lived with us, and we still see them in every room and in our everyday routine.

Please be patient and know that this is a process and it takes time and that time varies for us all, as you probably already know as you shared you've been reading the other posts. Reading is helpful, too.

Just know we are here for you whenever you need to share about your Mom. We understand and we care. We came here to find others who could relate to our loss and in that sense, we no longer felt so very alone in our feelings.

Welcome to Webhealing. I'm glad you found us and I hope to hear more about your Mom and how 'you' are doing!

((((((((((((((Mommysbabygirl)))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

Daddys_girl

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Re: Lost
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2011, 05:55:38 AM »
hi Mommysbabygirl,
I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet Mom. I lost my Dad suddenly just over 1 year ago. I live at home and he was my best friend and so much more. I don't have siblings so its really just me & my Mom truly grieving and truly lost without him. Yes he has other family but their lives have not been completely destroyed by this, ours have.
The house is so quiet these days, dinner is quiet, sometimes just tears with the empty chair next to me.
I too have trouble sleeping, never did before in my life. I'm not taking anything and managed to get some sleep over the holidays but now being back to work it's started all over again struggling so so hard to get to sleep at night.
There was nothing I didn't depend on my Dad for and it's such an enormous hole that nothing nor nobody could ever even begin to fill.

scream if you want to scream, I've done it in my car when noone can hear just to get it out.

I only wish I had words of comfort for you but I just don't think they exist. Just be so gentle and kind with yourself and remember it is all about YOU now so do whatever you need for YOU.

sending you love and ((((HUGS))))
DG





sissy

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Re: Lost
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2011, 08:05:35 AM »
I have been in hiding ..... i guess.  It seems like all i have in me these days are.....my son, my husband and work.  I feel so bad for not responding to any and all of you wonderful people that have had me in your thoughts and prayers. It seems like the simplest tasks (like checking my email) has been next to impossible. Even phone calls to close friends and family have me playing dodge ball.....yet i talk to strangers about the most important and personal feelings in my life.....
Hoping that this latest "stage" will not last too much longer.....but, who knows?
When i read "Lost" it just made my heart swell with tenderness for what is going on in your life...I wish so much that i had something more than "this" to share in your saddest time.....please know that i will keep you in my prayers.
Love - Sissy

Terry

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Re: Lost
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2011, 03:21:52 PM »

Sissy,

So good to see your post and thanks for sharing how you've been doing. Being in "hiding" is OK sometimes. WE need a little break now and then from the pressures and the sadness, from it all.

Take good care of you and know I think of you often!

(((((((((((Sissy)))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

Mommysbabygirl

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Re: Lost
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2011, 06:14:23 PM »
Thanks everyone for your comments. They help alot.

Update - I moved into my new apartment Friday. I had trouble sleeping the first night. Part of the reason being my furniture wasn't here yet and sleeping on the floor was terrible for an already aching back, but Sat and Sun have been fine. I do a little unpacking and went shopping today, but it is so quiet. It's just me and my thoughts. I have so much of my Mom's things I feel like I am still living with her. When we moved in together I threw out my couch (it was raggedy), my dresser and headboard had what we thought were termites (they were flying ants), and I also threw out my dining table so I basically kept my Mom's things because I'd have no furniture if I didn't. But I've been able to get past that. I am ok with it and don't feel as sad anymore. Well I have my moments, but I think I just try not to think about it. I haven't cried in weeks. I don't know if that's good or bad. Now my problem is that I have too much time. I'm a 30yr old single woman. I should be doing something. I used to draw, but I lost my inspiration years ago and just haven't been able to pick it back up. I feel I need to find activities that require me to be around other people so I can try to make new friends. IDK. Any suggestions?

Terry

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Re: Lost
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2011, 12:19:51 AM »

Hi and thanks for the update! Congrats on your new place! It sounds like you're doing your best to settle in, although you're lacking in provisions at this time. That's Ok! You'll do just fine. Nothing happens over night, right?

I can certainly understand wanting to stay busy but at the same time if we get lost in a project and neglect our emotional needs, we usually end up paying a price for that. Because regardless of how busy we are or what is going on in our lives, we still need to take the time to grieve.

You and your Mom lived together, so there will no doubt be an adjustment period and those feelings may come and go for quite awhile. Your loss is still very new and I would just take things one day at a time and try not to over-extend in the other areas of your life.

You mentioned not being able to cry. Do you feel the need to cry? If you do and you still can't, maybe watching a movie that will bring those feelings out in you. Listening to music that both you and your Mom listened to or even watching a TV program that you both watched together. I personally don't think that not crying is either good or bad. We go through so many different phases/stages while grieving and it's so different for each of us. I will add though, that "trying hard not to think about it" is not helping you to cope with her loss. Let yourself feel...everything and just know that it's OK. You lost your precious Momma and it's such a tragic loss so please be ever so gentle and kind with yourself right now.

If you used to draw and have no inspiration at this time, maybe it's not the time to get back into it. You'll know when it's time. It will come naturally! :)

What were the activities you enjoyed while your Mom was still alive? Do you have good friends that you can spend time with and that understand that you need to talk about your Mom and all of the feelings you're carrying around?

We're here to listen whenever you want to talk about her! Take it slow as the waves of grief have a way of 'sneaking-up-on-us', especially if we're trying to swim against it's mighty current. I ran against the wind for so long that I became totally exhausted. Take care of 'you!'

Have you thought about starting a journal? It's very helpful and can release a lot of emotions that we weren't even conscious of.

Thanks for sharing how you've been doing and know I'll be thinking about you!

((((((((((((Mommysbabygirl))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry


Mommysbabygirl

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Re: Lost
« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2011, 05:10:30 PM »
I cried today. I started feeling sad yesterday. A coworker asked me how I was doing. He hadnt said anything to me about my mom passing. Which I understand. What do you say to a person? So I told him about moving to the new apt and feeling lonely and bord. That started the sadness. Then when I went home and opened the door the quietness hit me. And it felt even sadder. Today wasnt too bad. I came in and started talking to myself, but I felt like I was in deniel doing that. Trying to ignore the situation. My bad had been hurting off and on. I thought it would have gotten better and at time it has, but now I think it is from stress and tension. Holding in my emotions is hurting me physically so I cried a little at work after talking to my sister. Then at home I cried some more. My back is feeling better. I dont want to run to someones place, the mall, or someplace to avoid being alone. I feel I need to work through the situation so I can readjust. I do have a journal and it does help, but sometimes I hold back. My Mom and I used to watch Young and the Restless and Jeopardy. She told me before she passed that she liked watching it with me to hear me guess at the answers. I was pretty good and would often times get the answer right, but the wrong answer would make us laugh. I have refused to watch these shows now. They would just make me sad. Watching Y&R makes me think what would my Mom think of this or that. If she had seen certain story lines before she passed, but hadnt mentioned it. I stopped watching y&r because it got a little stupid, but she still did and sometimes we would talk about it. There are just so many shoulda could wouldas that I know I can't do anything about. My sister has friends and people she can talk to. Ive always had trouble making friends and feel extra lonely now.

Terry

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Re: Lost
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2011, 01:24:22 AM »
Mommysbabygirl,

It was really good to see your post as I've been thinking about you. I'm glad to hear you found some relief in having a good cry.

I agree, wholeheartedly that suppressing feelings can cause physical discomfort as well as deeper emotional stress/pain. You mentioned that "There are just so many shoulda could wouldas that I know I can't do anything about. My sister has friends and people she can talk to. Ive always had trouble making friends and feel extra lonely now."

Do you feel like sharing regarding what you felt could have been different? It may help! Regarding having difficulty in making friends; you've made one (at least) here already and that's a start!

((((((((((((((Mommysbabygirl)))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

Mommysbabygirl

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Re: Lost
« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2011, 07:01:30 AM »
I think I have too much time on my hands. Before my Mom passed eveything was centered around taking card of her and now I have nothing to do. I may have mentioned this before, but I don't recall. I try to find things to do, but they don't work with my schedule. Nothing has been working correctly. I moved into the one bedroom and everything was going ok. Then a week later I was robbed so now I am staying with my sister again. I don't think I was ready to live alone again. I was starting to feel a little normal or new normal and stuff keeps happening. I am trying to accept that I couldn't have done anything differently. I did what my Mom asked me to do. That's what my family tells me. She told people that I did everything she asked, but that doesn't make it better. A part of me felt guilty for feeling "normal". Like it wasn't ok to not feel sad. Like sadness was the new normal. I've been trying to lose weight and I lost 15lbs. My healthy coach was happier for me than I was. During a meeting yesterday they asked "when was the last time you had a great day?". I couldn't think of one. Even before my Mom passed I couldn't think of a great day. I have moments when I might laugh, but I wouldn't call it a great day. I'm usually an emotional eater, but instead of eating I go shopping. I've been shopping almost every weekend since my Mom passed. So I am trying to find a counselor to help me deal with the grief and other things. I just wish she was here and that I could see and talk to her. Maybe if I wasn'more vocal I could have said or did something different that would have helped her.

SarahW

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Re: Lost
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2011, 07:24:57 PM »
I think I have too much time on my hands. Before my Mom passed eveything was centered around taking card of her and now I have nothing to do. I may have mentioned this before, but I don't recall. I try to find things to do, but they don't work with my schedule. Nothing has been working correctly. I moved into the one bedroom and everything was going ok. Then a week later I was robbed so now I am staying with my sister again. I don't think I was ready to live alone again. I was starting to feel a little normal or new normal and stuff keeps happening. I am trying to accept that I couldn't have done anything differently. I did what my Mom asked me to do. That's what my family tells me. She told people that I did everything she asked, but that doesn't make it better. A part of me felt guilty for feeling "normal". Like it wasn't ok to not feel sad. Like sadness was the new normal. I've been trying to lose weight and I lost 15lbs. My healthy coach was happier for me than I was. During a meeting yesterday they asked "when was the last time you had a great day?". I couldn't think of one. Even before my Mom passed I couldn't think of a great day. I have moments when I might laugh, but I wouldn't call it a great day. I'm usually an emotional eater, but instead of eating I go shopping. I've been shopping almost every weekend since my Mom passed. So I am trying to find a counselor to help me deal with the grief and other things. I just wish she was here and that I could see and talk to her. Maybe if I wasn'more vocal I could have said or did something different that would have helped her.

I think your feelings sound very normal for someone who is still greiving, but it is a very good idea to get a counselor to help.

I have a counselor to help deal with the death of my son, and it has been very helpful.

Like you, I have trouble confiding in family and friends and co-workers who just don't seem to understand, or don't know what to say or do, or don't have time, etc.

So sorry about your terrible loss. Best wishes as you continue on this journey.  Moving through grief is a very difficult and painful thing, but it is worth the effort.
I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

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