I've also found that sometimes it's okay to just be sad. I feel like I've spent the last 9 months running, trying to distract myself and keep busy. I've told myself that things will be okay a million times. . .I just don't feel it yet. I miss him so much. I miss our past and our future. There are so many things I want to talk to him about, things I want his opinion on, times I just want to breathe the same air as him. The worst part is that now I feel him less and less. The night before the accident (I still cringe when using that word) he said he would never leave me.
Hi, jaxsaint.
I am on this site because I lost my 29 yr old son last year, but many years ago, when my son was just a baby, I, like you, lost my husband at a very young age.
I definitely experienced the things you are describing - the why-me?, the extremely slow acceptance of the reality of it, the feeling that the stress of it all was just too much, etc.
Do your best to take care of yourself. I don't know what your chances are on getting a medical leave, but you might want to consider a professional counselor that could help you get through this, and might be able to advise you on this kind of thing.
Your pain is very raw, but it will get better with time (how much time varies for everyone, but it was probably about 2 yrs before I was really going long stretches of time without experiences a "meltdown").
And yes it is definitely OK to just be sad sometimes. Trying to avoid the pain and greiving process is a mistake.
Wishing you all the best.