Author Topic: Tina  (Read 3309 times)

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Tina
« on: December 26, 2010, 12:01:40 PM »
Thinking of you today!

((((((((((((((((((((Tina))))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

gloria61

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Re: Tina
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2010, 07:45:31 PM »
Terry you have no idea how much those  few words mean to me. I am lost in a sea of grief and pain, and the ones who should be trying to save me are pushing my head down further and further into the depths of darkness. I feel sorry for them, I hope they never feel the sadness that I have in my heart right this minute. I miss my son, and if I had just one wish, just one thing in life I could change; I'd have my son Alex back. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, and made me angry, he gave me love. I just want my son back.

Tina
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]

Terry

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Re: Tina
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2011, 04:14:35 PM »
Please know that I am always here for you, Tina! My memory is very good and at 3 months after losing my Jeff, I was still having a hard time breathing and when I walked, I couldn't feel my feet touch the ground. I was bouncing off walls...literally because I also had no balance.

Learning to live without our children is so extremely difficult. In time, when life calls you to rejoin it, even then it is a struggle and a daily one until we reach a plateau where we are steady going. I learned to take things an hour at a time. When I made it through that hour, it felt like a huge accomplishment....because it was!!!

In regards to the 'others', well, if they haven't lost a child then it's very difficult sharing our feelings with them because if they have children, losing one of them is their greatest fear. And, we make them very uneasy because, and as one friend told me, "If it could happen to you, it could happen to me." Needless to say, these were NOT the friends I needed around me and in time you'll learn who your true friends are.

I have 'new' friends now and have continued relationships with 3 life-long friends who have stood by me through it all and I love them dearly. This is truly the test of the meaning of friend.

How has everything been on the home front? Those issues will complicate the normal grieving process because right now, you need, and badly your family's support. But, truth be told, a lot of us came here because of a lack of support at home and not just that but due to the fact that everyone around us is also grieving and as they say, "Jello can't hold up Jello!"

Here, at the board, when one is down the other can reach that hand to help pull another up because we all understand the emotions involved when losing a child. How have things been with your daughter? Your husband? We all grieve differently and I'm so sorry there is distance between you all there.

Tina, my wish is the same as yours!

(((((((((Tina))))))))

You have my Love,
Terry

gloria61

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Re: Tina
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2011, 07:11:42 PM »
Hello Terry,

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner; I actually read this posting a long time ago and because things around here only go from bad to worse I didn't want to drag out all of my feelings here. Not that it hasn't been helpful visiting and chatting with others, it's just that my whole family situation with my daughter and grandsons has literally gone from getting on each others nerves to them not even talking to me. Even though they still live in my home (I think they may be moving in two weeks, but won't even tell me) I am barely allowed to speak to my grandsons. My daughter only speaks to me when she wants or needs something, or to yell at me and tell me she never wanted to come live here. It's like she has completely forgotten or never cared that I lost my only son. That I had to sit and watch him take his very last breathes. That it was me who signed the papers to remove his life support.

I've gotten more consideration and understanding from total strangers then I have my own daughter, and she is so blinded by the lies her "boyfriend" feeds her, that she has actually told me she hates me (as they live in MY home for the past 5 months, and pay nothing for rent, for oil, or lights, they come and go as they please, leave the house a mess, dishes in the sink, etc). There may have been a time when I was a rebellious teenager that I told my mother I hated her because she wouldn't let me go to a school dance or something, but @ twenty-nine; turning thirty in three months is just so messed up. How dare she speak to me that way! My eldest grandson, whom I love with all my heart, who lived in this home from birth till he was three, is barely allowed to speak to me anymore when the “step dad” is here.

In all honesty I can’t wait until they move out; I have no respect for my daughter what so ever any more. Since my son’s death she hasn’t once talked to me about him, about my plans for his ashes, nothing. So when the time comes, hopefully early summer when I plan to take my son’s ashes home and release some of them I’m not even going to bother discussing it with her. My son may have done some hurtful things to me when he was on drugs, but if the situation was reversed (God forgive me for even saying the words) and it had been her that died, my son never, ever would have treated me as badly as my daughter has.

The pain and loss I feel over the death of my son is compounded daily because his sister, my only surviving child treats me with contempt and utter disrespect. I will worry every second of every day about my grandson’s when they move out (“step-dad still has his pill habit, and I’ about 95% positive she does to thanks to him) but if they don’t I’m going to loose my sanity. I go to bed every night wishing I could call my son and talk to him about his sister, but I can’t he’s gone forever, and I don’t know how much of this forever I can deal with. I would give anything to wrap my arms around him, and feel his strong arms around me one more time.
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]

Terry

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Re: Tina
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2011, 10:31:56 AM »
Hi Tina,

Thanks so much for touching base as I have been concerned. Especially with all you have going on at home. You don't have to be alone through this so please "drag" your feelings here so we can support you. Just living without our children is hard enough and at times seems impossible and then to add the enormous amount of stress and friction at home that you're trying to deal with well, it can become overwhelming.

I would like to hear more about your daughter and the relationship she had with Alex. Because sometimes the anger is all we see after someone dies. Is she angry with you? Is she angry because Alex died? But, more than anything I'm sorry you're feeling so disrespected. And, maybe her choice to move out will be the best for all involved. I know you will miss your Grandsons, though.

Please use me, and Webhealing as a sounding board. Just write all of your feelings down and know that we are listening. I've done it since Day 1 and it saved my life. This is a long and hard journey. You don't have to be alone, ever.

I am always here for you, Tina.

((((((((((((((((Tina)))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry