Thinking of you, Penny

[Terry]

we didnt even get to know our son zachary willard for he died 2 hours after he was born on march 7 1988--we didnt even get to hold him until after he was gone--zachary was rushed out of the room becuase his lungs were not developed enough for him to breath on his own--he was a few months early due to me having endometorosis--as to which the tumor separted the placenta from my uterine wall--and we were not able to have any more children because i had to have a complete hysterectomy at the age of 28--so this was my fault too

yes i have a lot of memories of fred but i dont just want the memories i want to be able to hold fred and have a conversation with him--i just want my life back for fred is all i had--we did everything together--and its my fault that i lost him too--for all the mistakes i made that day

the holidays coming up i dont even want to think of them--for the last 8 years it was just fred and i to celebrate them by ourselves--now as far as i am concerned they are just days i just want to do with out since i will be all alone now--i cannot talk about fred to any one i was even told i was not allowed to talk about fred at work and since that is the only place i go now i have to keep it all inside now

terry i am sorry for all of your losses and it has to be hard without your family being here i know how hard it is for me

i cannot get angry with fred for it wasnt his fault--but i am very angry at the man upstairs for taking fred and zach and for making me make all those mistakes on may 8th

Thanks for sharing about your precious Zachary Willard and I'm so deeply sorry. It's also so very sad that you are discouraged from sharing about your Fred at your workplace. This is just awful!!! I don't understand people and probably never will.
I always want to hear about Fred and anything you want to share.

I understand not wanting to even think about the Holiday's because it's the most difficult time of the year for most of us. It's a family time and our family is gone. In time, we learn to make new memories with who is left but that doesn't happen over-night.
This is a very long process, Penny. Try and be patient with yourself and realize that you have, once again been devastated by a great loss that has changed your life. When we lose someone so special, such a integral part of our everyday existence, we have to re-learn everything, all over again. It's the work of grief and it's painful and it's tiring.
Try and find something each day that makes you feel good. Any simple thing. Enjoying a sunset. Soaking in a hot tub with your favorite music, candles or even a good book. We can become misplaced too easily when we remove ourselves from everything we loved to do with our loved ones and it becomes more difficult to find our way back. When the pain speaks it can sound like a roar to us. It can be deafening.

Thank you, Penny for your kind words regarding my losses. I appreciate it.

Know I care, very much.

My love,
Terry

[Luvinmike]

Hi Penny;

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for the sadness and loneliness that accompanies our grief. You can write me about Fred any day or time also, like Terry said.

Your love for your family will never die. I am sending you my friendship, strength and energy to support you in your loss.

I am truly sorry.
Terri