Author Topic: Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.  (Read 6167 times)

sissy

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Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« on: December 10, 2010, 08:28:35 AM »
I've never been as lost as I've been since the loss of my best friend....my mom.  It has been a little over two months since she passed and friends and family are trying to tell me the right or wrong way to grieve....and I know that they are trying to be kind and help me through my pain, but they don't have a clue to the depth of my sadness....I just can't seem to find my balance anymore...things don't taste right...I can usually fake my way through most of my time at work, but not always....I find myself telling complete strangers things that I'm not willing to share with my friends/family....and sometimes crying as I tell them about her.  I don't have any issues with crying usually, but at work?????  I know that I am probably rattling on right now.....but I am so lost.....and the intensity of sadness that I am feeling is something that I've only heard or read about. 

browneyedgirl

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Re: Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2010, 10:56:59 AM »
((((Sissy))))

No one call tell you how to grieve.  Grief is as unique as each of us.  I remember having feelings and emotions that I didn't even know exisited. 

One day at a time......I wish I could say it got easier, but it really doesn't.....you just learn to live with it, or at least I did.  You are very early in your grief, don't put a time limit on yourself, and try and be patient with yourself, you have gone though something very tramatic and hurtful. 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

sissy

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Re: Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2010, 06:55:55 PM »
I'm really trying to hang in there....I know that she would be so sad to know how devastated I am.....and yet I'm pretty sure that she would understand, too.  When my dad was ill, 12 years ago, my son and I moved back home to help her take care of dad and also to spend time with him. And after he passed away we just continued to live together.  We were an awesome team. Then about 9 years ago we moved to Arkansas and bought a house together....I went to work, my son to school and mom took care of the house and made yummy meals and a warm place to come home to each day. Many long conversations, silly talks or just knowing that our family was all home and safe was everything. Her absense in our home is something my son and I are really struggling with.  He has started talking to a grief counselor with Hospice.....and is strongly encouraging (without pushing) for me to do the same.  I know that it's what i probably need....but I still can't seem to make that call...
I was truly sad when I lost my dad.....but I can't beleive the depth of grief I'm feeling for my mama.

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2010, 11:54:58 PM »
Sissy,

It hasn't been that long since your Momma died and anything you're feeling is OK. Others think they are helping by their suggestions and going further than that, even by placing time limits on our grief. There simply is no such thing. We are all unique in how we grieve. I yo-yo'd and zig-zagged between the (so called) written stages for as long as I can remember. There is no order to them, I have found.

The finality of death is very difficult to cope with. They die and we can never see them again. Our hearts just cannot process this and it takes a very long time to learn to live with this reality. It's such a harsh reality.

The fact that we are able to love so deeply and so unconditionally frames out our path while grieving because how could we not feel great and indescribable pain when knowing we will have to live without that person?

Please be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself and take very good care of you! You have suffered a traumatic loss. Your Momma was so dear to you so you feel/experience everything you need to and you'll find yourself adopting coping skills as time goes by.

You are not alone and someone is here whenever you need to share. Know I care, very much.

(((((((((((((Sissiy))))))))))))

My love and understanding,
Terry

sissy

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Re: Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2010, 04:38:48 PM »
Thank you for those tender words......I'm almost speechless with emotion...

Terry

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Re: Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2010, 11:33:02 PM »
((((((((Sissy))))))))

debrawenig

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Re: Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2010, 10:13:54 PM »
I am in the same boat as you are I lost my mom back in july of this year so this will be my first christmas without her . I miss her so much I have a brother who is mentality handicapped and if it was not for him I don't know what I do.

sissy

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Re: Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2010, 12:16:28 AM »
I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.  And yet, here it is... our first Christmas without our mom's......guess i'm just wondering how you are....today felt so unreal to me....and to my son.....yet we went to dinner at my nieces house tonight.  I don't even know what to think about starting new memories without her....and i know that i only went because my niece and her baby need me now more then ever....
Do you ever wonder where you will find the strength not only to get out of bed.....but to help others with there needs, too?????  I hope that this isn't coming off in a selfish manner.....i just don't know what the heck to do.......i'm really really drowning in a kind of sadness that i have never felt in my entire life.....and so very lost.  How have you been handling everthing since your mama passed away?  I wish that i had some magic words to share with you this Christmas.....but please know that i will have you in my prayers tonight......
and thank you for the response.
be well-