Hi querencia, You are right, it is a process. It has been eight weeks now and the shock has worn off, still feel dazed though. It is a nightmare now, feeling such deep saddness. Actually, the other day, around 5 o'clock, It crossed my mind that he would be coming in from work, then it hit me that no he won't be coming home.
I was out this morning walking the dog and the sense of loneliness I felt was intense. I was alone, just me. The sun was shinning, big clouds in the blue sky, the dog running through the grass and I felt so alone. There is no one with me now. No one that cares for me the way he did. Yes I have a daughter and family, but it is not the same. The world feels so small to me now. I feel small.
Thanks for the tips, It may take me awhile to want to get out there and start new things on my own. I think I need this time to sort of hide out, recharge myself. I do what I have to day to day, I am organized, but I haven't even started to go through his things yet.
I really appreciate your advice, thanks so much, This is one of the hardest things, this grieving really drains me, I feel like I have lost any drive and desire I use to have. It is going to take a long time to heal, if I ever do.