heartbroken

[summer]

Hi,  My husband died Oct. 21st.  I am so sad and heartbroken.  This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.  He was sick for a few years, he had cancer and we knew he would not get better.  I guess we both were grieving since the time we found out, but we tried hard to stay upbeat and positive. 
It has been really hard since he died.  I feel like I am living in another world.  I know I am, things are so different now.
 I put on my brave face when I have to but sometimes it hurts so bad.  Today was a very hard day for me.  I cried most of the day.  I just don't know how I am going to get on without him.  I felt safe and protected by him and now he is gone.  I am so scared.  I have been dreaming of him alot.  It is so unreal that he is not here with me.  I feel so lost and empty.  Nothing is ever going to be the same without him.

[Terry]

Hi Summer,

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband and so recent, you have my heart. I understand as I've been through the same and nothing prepares us for that final Good-Bye regardless of how long they had been sick. It is devastating.

Welcome to Webhealing where I know you'll find love and support as others here have all had devastating losses and can relate to trying to rebuild their lives without their loved ones.

Please tell us more about your husband as you are able. There is always someone here to listen.

Sending lots of hugs....(((((((((((((((Summer))))))))))))

My love,
Terry

[summer]

Hi Terry, Thanks for your kind words.  You are right, I knew that one day he would be leaving me.  I thought after the 3 years leading up to this that the pain couldn't get any worse, but it has.
 I was sad and relieved when he died.  I knew he was not suffering anymore.  I thought I was handling it ok, but it seems like it is getting worse .  I cry so much now.
  I am very private and I really don't show my grief in public, you know with family or friends.  I broke down a few times on the phone talking with my brother, but I try to stay composed when I am around others.  I would be a mess if I didn't try to maintain some composure.
 It has only been about 6 weeks since he died, I know it is so soon still.  I can't believe I am here writing about this, this is such a nightmare.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent here.  I had been looking for a place so I can let my feelings out.

[browneyedgirl]

Hi Summer ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. 

Welcome to Webhealing, I am sorry you have to be here with us.  There are many people who care here and always someone to listen.

This section of the site is fairly new, so if you like, there are posts of pepole who have lost their spouse or partner on the Main Board.  Reading others stories always helped me not feel so alone, and helped me know that the way I was feeling was not crazy. 

Take care of yourself and come back and let us know how you are doing.

[moving on]

Hi I am new to this but have been informed it would be good to talk to people that have been through what I have. I lost my husband on Jan 13th, 2010. He died of a heart attack at home in front of my eyes. There was nothing I could do to help him but I question myself if I couldn't of done something. I have never had anyone die in front of me before and it has really bothered me. I have a 17 yr old daughter who is really mad at the world. I have tried to move on but it is hard. The holidays have really gotten me down. We were married for 22 yrs. I do have a boyfriend now and he is the one that suggested I come to this web site. He is very supportive and understanding. But one big problem is is that my daughter can't stand him. It is breaking my heart to hurt her but I know my husband is not coming back and I have to move on. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[ejparra]

Hi!  I don't know you, but I know your pain.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband in Feb 2010.  I miss him sooo much!  He was my best friend, my lover, my husband, my everything.  We were married when I was 15 and he was 19 and were married for 43 years.  He put me through college, he signed for me to get my driver's license.  We raised three children.  He had heart problems, but we had high hopes that with his heart valve replacement he would be fine.  I understand how you cannot believe this happened, we always said we were going to die together.  I am 59, and I know that I will never find anyone else, I can't even imagine being with anyone else.   I will always long for his touch, his comforting voice, all the little things he did for me.  Three of my grandchildren have realy helped me.  They are ages 24, 21, 19.  I don't know what I would have done without them.  I hope you have some family support or close friends that can help you get through this very difficult time.  
Again, I am so sorry for your loss, and I will put you in my list of prayers.  I know we will be fine, but the pain will be there for a very long time.  I have been told that it is OK to feel this pain and express our emotions and talk about our loved one.
Hang in there!
Elisa

[browneyedgirl]

Hi movingon ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.

Welcome to Webhealing, I hope you find the support you need here.  There is always someone to listen.

[Luvinmike]

Hello to all on this thread;
I wanted to tell you I am sorry for your losses. I have been helped for the past two and 1/2 years by visiting, reading, and posting on this site (main board).

I've tried most everything to keep plugging along after the devastating loss of my husband Mike.
 Exercise and poetry (music, art of any forms, nature) have been my best help. Books on the booklist here. Light a candle.
Telling your story is very helpful. Taking walks and drinking water.
The saying, " The opposite of grief is action", began to help me alot at about the one year point.  Hope something here may be helpful to others.

I have three growing young adults, an important new job that I feel like I keep making mistakes at because my mind wanders now, and my supportive family and friends.
 So- it is Saturday in December. I am going to the gym and out for dinner with relatives. I still cry for my husband.
 On the good end I can actually hear people now. For the longest time I was feeling like I was in a windtunnel or something like a whirring in my ears. My grief takes everything I have sometimes.
I am getting by alright most times.
I want to tell you I am sorry and I am thinking of you all. Take care of yourself.
Terri

[SarahW]

Hi,  My husband died Oct. 21st.  I am so sad and heartbroken.  This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.  He was sick for a few years, he had cancer and we knew he would not get better.  I guess we both were grieving since the time we found out, but we tried hard to stay upbeat and positive. 
It has been really hard since he died.  I feel like I am living in another world.  I know I am, things are so different now.
 I put on my brave face when I have to but sometimes it hurts so bad.  Today was a very hard day for me.  I cried most of the day.  I just don't know how I am going to get on without him.  I felt safe and protected by him and now he is gone.  I am so scared.  I have been dreaming of him alot.  It is so unreal that he is not here with me.  I feel so lost and empty.  Nothing is ever going to be the same without him.

I lost my husband many years ago, but I remember this feeling very well - that feeling that "this can't be real."  It takes for this feeling to dissipate and for reality to sink in.  Which is a good thing, I think.

I also remember the feeling of emptiness; and of course, you are right, nothing will ever be the same - but when you are ready, you will slowly rebuild your new and different life.

The amount of time it takes to heal enough to start again varies for everyone.  Don't let anyone tell you that you are going too slow or too fast.  Be good to yourself and know you have people who understand here, on this forum.

[SarahW]

Hi I am new to this but have been informed it would be good to talk to people that have been through what I have. I lost my husband on Jan 13th, 2010. He died of a heart attack at home in front of my eyes. There was nothing I could do to help him but I question myself if I couldn't of done something. I have never had anyone die in front of me before and it has really bothered me. I have a 17 yr old daughter who is really mad at the world. I have tried to move on but it is hard. The holidays have really gotten me down. We were married for 22 yrs. I do have a boyfriend now and he is the one that suggested I come to this web site. He is very supportive and understanding. But one big problem is is that my daughter can't stand him. It is breaking my heart to hurt her but I know my husband is not coming back and I have to move on. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

You are facing some of life's most difficult challenges - dealing with the death of a loved one, dealing with a hurting child when you cannot make the loss go away, and dealing with trying to start over.

Eleven months is a short time, when it comes to dealing with something so difficult, so take it easy on yourself - of course things are still confusing and painful, for you and your daughter.

You might consider professional counseling for you and/or your daughter.  I have a counselor that I am seeing trying to deal with my son's death - and my son and I both had one for awhile, trying to figure out how to deal with my widowed, single-mom-hood. 

It definitely isn't easy to be a widowed, single mom.

I am glad you have found a supportive boyfriend to help you through, and that you found our forum.

[moving on]

I know it has only been 11 months but I have always had my husband and now I feel so alone. I asked people if there was a certain time a widow should wait before looking for someone. All told me it is up to the person. I miss my husband very much but my new boyfriend is a funeral director so he knows what I am going through and he has been so supportive. Especially since the holidays have gotten here. I was doing better but now I kind of have the holiday blues because I remember last year at this time getting ready for Christmas and buying him gifts. He never wanted me to spend money on him but I liked doing that. My daughter won't talk to me about her dad and yes I am thinking of getting counseling for her and I. Like I said he died in our home in our bed and it has really been tough. I since then have gotten a bigger trailer for her and I to live in and it is starting to feel like home. But for a long time it just made me sad because I was only able to buy it because I had life insurance. So I hope to be able to make it through Christmas without a melt down. I feel for so many on this topic because I know what they are all going through but I know there is nothing I can say that will help. God bless everyone.

[summer]

I have been sitting here crying all morning.  I am so alone.  I feel like my heart  has been torn from my chest.  I miss him so much.  How do people get through this?

 I know what you mean about feeling guilty buying something new.  He should be here,  this is so unfair.  It is so unreal when I say my husband died!  Oh, his insurance money,  I want him here not the money!

  This is going to be so hard this Christmas.  I have a 16 year old daught too who won't talk about losing her Dad.  I can't do Christmas this year, I just can't.  I am having a real meltdown here today.   

 I am praying for everyone in this position, for some kind of peace.

[moving on]

I feel for you heartbroken I know what you are going through. I am really worried about Christmas. I have been thinking today that we may just need to go to my families for Christmas I just don't know if I can do it here with just my daughter and me. I just don't know. I know I have to do it for her but I don't know how I will get through. I wished I knew what was best to do for us. I know without God I would not be as far as I am now but it is so hard. Sometimes I feel so lost. This has been the toughest 11 months of my life.

[mousewife]

So sorry for all of you who have lost your husbands.  Mine died over 2 and a half years ago from brain cancer.  I know what it is to watch my love be taken away bit by bit.  It is true that we can never be prepared for the actual death no matter how much anticipatory grief we have.

It is a devastating, heart- breaking, life-changing thing.  Our world ends.  No matter how much we want it back it's not going to happen.  It does take a long time to feel better for many people.  I've had a few bad days myself lately due to Christmas, and the fact that I have no family to lessen the loss at this time of year.  It's hard when everyone else has family to shop for and receive gifts from, and spend time with, and I don't have any of this.  But, for the most part I am better and I have had some really good, fun and interesting experiences in my life since my sweetie died.  Yes, I would still trade them to have him back healthy and happy, but that was not a choice I  had.  We have to keep forging ahead trying to make a new life for ourselves in which we can have peace, receive comfort and give comfort in turn to others.  We need a solid foundation to do these things.  Faith has been that foundation for me.  That doesn't mean I have no sorrow, but, in my sorrow, I always have hope.

May we all find a way to make it through in the best way possible.

Peace and healing,
mousewife


 

[Gary1967]

Summer,
 I lost my wife to cancer after a 5 year battle on Oct 25th 09. We had been married 13yrs and like most here, I held her hand to her last breath. I remember coming home thinking that this wasnt the way it was suppose to be. I described my life as in a row boat in a storm in the ocean with just one oar. I realize that when you loose your spouse you have lost your life. Every past, present and future plan just disappears. It is so unsettling to think that you have nothing of a future because that future was with your spouse. It is no doubt the hardest time in your life. I remembered counting days, knowing that making it through each one was a victory and hoping that time would heal this wound.
 Now just surviving those early days is so critical, because I could not see any end to the tunnel of grief. But, as those before me said, in time it will lessen. Now trust me, it still hurts with some memories but I am not lost like I was over a year ago. Faith, family and friends was all that got me through those dark days and shallow nights. But again, I got through as will you. We dont sugar coat the pain because all that have lost know it does not work that way. It sucks, it hurts, you cry and eventually fall asleep and start over again.
 But life is funny because as you build this "new" life, new doors begin to slowly open. Yes it is so odd to say I am a widow at age 43. Yes it sucks to have to explain my first wife died. But just talking about it makes it more real and helps for the next time it comes up in discussion.  So does it get better, Ummm yes of course over time. I look at my life now and I am engaged and still cant believe where lifes roads have taken me. I now have a new future with new plans. I dont say this to brag, I say this to let you know it does happen but only by surviving those dark times. So I hope you make it through them and just know, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck
Gary