Author Topic: How to ask without asking  (Read 2094 times)

Rebecca

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How to ask without asking
« on: November 24, 2010, 11:45:30 PM »
This is the first year since Jason died that we are having Thanksgiving.  It is my most favorite holiday and it was his.  Our daughter is due to give birth in a few weeks and we all wanted to stay close. Our dearest friends are moving permanently to Fla.so another loss of our hearts.  I seem to be the only one who realizes the magnitude of no Jason again this year.  I made one of his favorite dishes and cried and I did. I feel so empty when I need to feel full with what I do have.  I miss him so. I miss my husband who is here but I really know that he is just here.  yes, he is affectionate, always doing for me but the prior husband is gone.  Maybe because we are older.  Maybe becaujse we have grown apart.  I don't know what to do.  i know I can't leave and leave a hole for the rest of my family especially with the baby coming.  I feel like a shell of a person walking talking doingon the outide and being stone cold on the inside.  I am 63, look and act younger and want to have some kind of life befoe mine is over.  I don't know what to do.  it is 1am and again i cannot sleep.  too many thanksgiving memories rummagine around from yearss gone by.

Rebecca Jason's Mom

Terry

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Re: How to ask without asking
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2010, 12:13:57 PM »
Every holiday and any date marking their memory is very difficult to get through.

I hope you feel Jason with you today.

Wishing you so much peace, Rebecca!

Love,
Terry

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: How to ask without asking
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2010, 01:49:33 PM »
Dear Rebecca,
You are doing an enormous step having Thanksgiving at your house. I personally think that maybe it is those types of steps that resume some semblance of normalcy to our lives. I feel that I understand what you are writing and have no answers b/c I feel much of it myself. I hope and pray that your daughters baby brings you unexpected joy and love back into your life.
Your Sister-in-Grief,
Paula
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

SarahW

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Re: How to ask without asking
« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2010, 06:09:39 PM »
This is the first year since Jason died that we are having Thanksgiving.  It is my most favorite holiday and it was his.  Our daughter is due to give birth in a few weeks and we all wanted to stay close. Our dearest friends are moving permanently to Fla.so another loss of our hearts.  I seem to be the only one who realizes the magnitude of no Jason again this year.  

I know exactly what you mean.  My son was an only child, and this is my second Thanksgiving without him.  And though his aunts and uncles loved him, I know, they just don't get it - they don't understand how this is for me.  How everything is completely and forever different now.

He was an only grandchild to my mother-in-law, and I think she is the only one who truly understands.  But at least I have her.

And I think everyone here understands, which is very helpful, so thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this.  I know it's not easy.

Quote
I made one of his favorite dishes and cried and I did. I feel so empty when I need to feel full with what I do have.  I miss him so. I miss my husband who is here but I really know that he is just here.  yes, he is affectionate, always doing for me but the prior husband is gone.  Maybe because we are older.  Maybe becaujse we have grown apart.  I don't know what to do.  i know I can't leave and leave a hole for the rest of my family especially with the baby coming.  I feel like a shell of a person walking talking doingon the outide and being stone cold on the inside.  I am 63, look and act younger and want to have some kind of life befoe mine is over.  I don't know what to do.  it is 1am and again i cannot sleep.  too many thanksgiving memories rummagine around from yearss gone by.

Rebecca Jason's Mom

I was widowed when my son was a baby, and have never re-married, so I don't have much to add in the area of how it affects a marriage - but I can tell you that I do understand the overwhelming numbness that extends to all areas of our lives.

I think you are on the right track, starting to look to what you do have, with the baby coming and all.  I remember when my mother-in-law lost her son (my husband, who was in his 20's when he died) the new baby (my son) was a big help to her.  My son was such a happy little guy, and after some time, both she and I let him pierce through the numbness.  It is hard to shut out a happy, loving, innocent little baby.  Impossible, even.

And of course, when we lost my son (also in his 20s), we got our hearts shattered again -- but we weren't sorry we had let him in.

I don't have the chance for grandchildren, but am starting to think about foster parenting.  Like you, I don't know what to do, but I have to find something to try to counteract the horrible emptiness you describe so well.

Well, I am so sorry to hear about how painful this time has been for you, and am grateful to you for taking the time to share your feelings here.  It makes me feel less alone as I face so many of the same feelings.

I send you all my best for getting through the holiday season.
I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

You were a gift

LaVonne

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Re: How to ask without asking
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2010, 05:16:47 PM »
Rebecca:  Know I care and do so understand.  Any Holiday without my Jason is always going to be empty. Everyone around us is having fun and me I am laughing on the outside and crying my own tears on the inside. It will always be that way. No one understands unless they walk in our shoes. hugs  LaVonne

MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)

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Re: How to ask without asking
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2010, 10:15:18 PM »
this was our 6th thanksgiving without (CANDI-23).
OUR DAD PASSED AWAY FROM A HEART ATTACK FEB.21,2010. SO IT WAS OUR 1ST THANKSGIVING WITH OUT DADDY.
 one week ago(mon-nov.29th) my sister(lisa) father-in-law passed away from a heart attack.i'm glad he was still here with them at thanksgiving. he was 73 yrs. old. had worked that whole day & he came to the front & told his son(TODD-LISA HUBBY & MY B-I-L) THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG & HE GASPED SO THEY GOT HIM TO THE BACK TO SIT DOWN & THEY CALLED 911. todd believe's he died on the way to the hospital.
this has been a rough year for our family....
i'll keep you in my prayers.