Just so sad . . .

[ScottW]

Approaching 2 years since we lost her, I find I cannot think about anything but my sister (Jori).  Anytime my mind is not completely occupied, I am just so sad.  I haven't been crying, I just feel like I'm in a state of dispair.

I know this must have a lot to do with the 'anniversary' approaching (Jori passed away the Saturday after Thanksgiving '08), the 'holidays' coming, my birthday approaching ("Big 4-0"), the fact that I'm about to be 'older' than my big sister. 

As I write this, I am literally staring at the screen between thoughts . . . drifting.  I have a loving, caring, giving wife and two beautiful boys (2 1/2 and 6 mos.), my parents and two great (and STRONG) nephews (10 and 12) . . .
. . . I have never felf more alone in my entire life.

Thanks for the space to express this . . .
Scott

[browneyedgirl]

((((Scott))))

I, too, am coming upon the "seconds" without my sibling.....I am sorry that you're feeling so sad.  I am sorry I can not offer you anymore than my sympathies. 

Sending love and light.

Pam

[deebee]

Read your message and I send my prayers and hugs.  Tomorrow is the 5th of the month.  My brother David was killed on Friday, March 5, now 8 months ago, and not yet even a "first" .  A piece of my heart was ripped out and stomped on in a horrible, violent way, and I'm still working through "fresh" feelings of loss, sadness.  In age, I have out-lived my maternal grandmother, my own mother, and now my brother. 
I've only just started telling this site abt David and my loss.  It helps to be here, so anytime you want to, just keep visiting.  I have found this site truly caring and amazing.  I love it and the people here--they understand like nobody else does.  deebee

[ScottW]

Pam and Deebee, I just wanted to say,  "thank you" for replying to my post. I realize that there was not much to "say" but it helps to know "someone is listening".  Thank you.

[Terry]

Hi Scott,

I've always found that the anticipation of the date is always so much harder than the actual date itself. I feel the changes slowly taking place and there's no way to avoid them. By the changes I am referring to the sadness, that cloud that weighs so heavy on my heart and occupying all of my thoughts. It can be HORRIFIC!!! I'm sorry and just know I understand.

Thinking of you and your precious Jori with love and understanding.

(((((((((Scott))))))))

Love,
Terry

[browneyedgirl]

Hi Scott,

I've always found that the anticipation of the date is always so much harder than the actual date itself. I feel the changes slowly taking place and there's no way to avoid them.

Very true, and well written, Terry!

[helene]

Hi Scott,

I too read your message and understand why you feel so alone. Grief is such an islolating experience, and when anniversaries come it's all the more difficult. My sister Lesley only died in July of this year, but her birthday was on September 25 which was a terribly difficult day for me. So, already I know how hard anniversaries can be.

Please know that my thoughts, prayers and hugs are also with you and your memories of your dear sister Jori.

(((((Scott)))))

Love, Helene.

[ScottW]

Thank you all for the kind and heartfelt responses.  Not that the timing of these experiences could ever be 'good' . . . it's just a lot with the 'angel date' (11/29), Thanksgiving, the 'holidays', Jori's B-Day (12/20), my B-Day (12/31) . . . January cannot come fast enough.

[missingmyarm]

Hello Scott -

So sorry for your loss.  I understand your pain as the holidays approach - I can't believe we will be having Christmas without my brother, Rich.  It has been 7 months since he died very suddenly - he died in his sleep at 48.  I still can't believe it sometimes, and it hurts so much when I think about the fact that I will never see him again.  How can this be happening?  I try to believe he is still with us somehow, but it doesn't really take away the pain.  My heart aches everyday.  I'm trying to be there for my son (2 1/2) and husband, and try to enjoy the happy moments.   But some days it feels too much to bear.  He has a wife and 4 beautiful children who are left to live without him, and my Mom is just devastated.  I never thought that anything this horrible would happen to our family...I somehow thought these things happened to other people.  I thought I would always have my brother until we were old.  Now I live with the nightmare everyday of having to see him in a casket, and then watch my beautiful brother be put in the ground.  Sorry to get so maudlin but I hate those images and can't get them out of my head.  I know your sadness.  I hope that we can someday remember the happy times and not feel so empty.

My thoughts are with you....
Missy