pain

[ron mcgarrity]

I'm not numb I I;m in so much pain when I'm alone I cry every night I miss my awesome sister so much I feel like every one thinks I should just go on but I just don't want to you can not understand when you have lost nothing my wife has not experienced loss I have I have not gotten used to my mom being gone it left such a hole. I just do not know what to do I'm so lost.
Irene is the only person on earth I really connected with. I would join her now if I could.

[jazzgirl]

Dear Ron,
I completely get where you are coming from with your spouse not experiencing loss like you have. My husband has not lost anyone so close and just doesn't get it. He comforts me, but it isn't like I can talk to him cuz he just doesn't get it. The loss just hearts your heart so much and it sucks knowing you are going to live the rest of your life w/out your sibling. It's been almost 5 years without my brother and from time to time I find myself crying uncontrollably because he's missing out on so much. It's like a roller coaster of emotions. Everyone says it gets easier, which it does, but the pain never leaves. It just gets hidden and certain things spark it up again.

[helene]

Hi Ron,

I am very sorry for the loss of your dear sister Irene. You are in so much pain and it is even harder when one's spouse doesn't understand and has not suffered the same kind of loss or any loss. I am married with no children and although my husband has tried to be as supportive as he can, he also has not suffered the kind of loss that I just have from losing my older sister Lesley in July of this year. I am suffering from numbness these days. I go through the motions in the day and then sit alone at night outside. The pain is numbing to me although there are times I might read something on this forum or a poem or something or watch something sad on TV and then I am suddenly filled with tears. I just wanted to let you know that I empathize with your pain. Helene.

[jazzgirl]

Ron,
I just reread your post and noticed your last line. I also thought about wanting to join my brother, but I came to realize how many people would just be so hurt if I did. I couldn't do that to them because it just isn't right. I really do feel like your sister would want you to live life to the fullest and make the most of it while you can. You have to see that life is just to short to waste it. If she could be here with you, she would. I know in my heart that my brother would not want me to waste any minute of my life. It is just too short! My heart goes out to you!
Jazzgirl!!

[deebee]

Ditto--just read this today.  Don't do anything bad that you would regret, and horribly not be able to take back.  I'm sure we all understand that wish.  Wouldn't it be great to visit "the other side", spend the day or infinite time with those we love who have passed on, come back to this side, without having lost any time at all, and know that our lost loves are doing well, are happy and content, so that we can finally make peace with our feelings and our own lives.    God I wish we could build that kind of time travel capsule.   It would be the greatest invention in the universe.  Is there really a hereafter?