Thanks so much for sharing your family and I'm very sorry for your great losses. I agree it can be very challenging as our extended family is who we are and when our tree loses it's branches, we find ourselves feeling incomplete.
I'm lost. In a fog.
The strangest thing is that my support system has all but vanished. After Grandma passed there were many there to express their remorse, and after Dad the same thing. Now after Mum has passed it's almost like no one knows what to say (what do you say?) so the just don't. Fewer cards, fewer calls. And my wife is fed up with time this has taken and has flat out come out and said 'get on with life'.
But I am finding it very hard.
Yes, it is OK to cry. It's a healthy release. Any way we can connect with the pain and the sadness is very healthy. It must be difficult when others are expecting you 'not' to because of the myth that men aren't supposed to feel or express their pain. I'm glad you are able to.
I feel the same regarding that wall of love, compassion, wisdom that came from these beautiful people who molded us into how we think and why we are. It's extremely difficult and just know I understand.
You Dad was quite the fighter and heartwarming to hear of your relationship. I don't believe there is a way to prepare for the finality of death. Your Mum passed quickly and had to also be very difficult. It's always a shock, even when we're told the facts. And, I'm sure your Grandma is going to hold you 'to' being that good Grandson she was so proud of!
We've all experienced the lack/loss of a support system and when we needed them the most. Either others don't know what to say or they are just not comfortable being around someone who's sad or needs to share their feelings. This is when housekeeping for the soul begins. We learn who our true friends really are and they are the ones who are not inconvenienced when we call them at 3 in the morning because we need to talk and we badly need someone to hear us. They are the ones who accept we have changed and still love us very much. We don't 'get over' losing someone we love. We learn to live in this world without them, but it's never easy.
We accept that the pain is the price of loving and it doesn't just go away after a certain amount of time, just as the love we felt for them while they were alive never diminished.
My heart truly goes out to you, losing your Mum, your Dad and your Grandma and all so very close together. You barely started to grieve for one when another died. Just heartbreaking.
Welcome to Webhealing where you'll meet a lot of good, caring people who can relate to the pain of great loss, as you have had.
Come back as you are able and let us know how you are doing. We care, very much!
Sending Hugs and Understanding!
My Love,
Terry