Author Topic: Brother David -gone 7 months now  (Read 3435 times)

deebee

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Brother David -gone 7 months now
« on: October 13, 2010, 11:56:59 AM »
 :tearyeyed: Hi "family". I've been reading and posting on others here at webhealing, and some may notice I've started to tell David's story.  He's been gone now 7 months, it just doesnt seem possible that much time has passed already.  I still cry, not every day, but just about every day.  Even writing this now is hard, as I'm getting teary.
David died at age 44.  Cant say he was a momma's boy, b/c he wasnt, he was very close to my mom who died 26 years ago at age of 45.  Both too young. I'm glad he's with her in the afterlife, and when I finally bury his ashes, it will be with her, which is what I know he would have wanted.
David was troubled, had problems, family history of alcohol and some drugs, smoking pot at young age w/ my younger sister.  Parents split when they were teens, me married and away, mom dying, dad leaving the home w/ my teen siblings alone.  Yeah, messed up.  Over the years David got into trouble w/ the law, stealing from family, forging checks, drugs/alcohol, the usual stuff, but nothing ever violent.  He did time both in jail and in prison.  He dropped off the face of the earth at one point, dad said he couldnt find them -- bullshit--- with one or two phone calls, I tracked David down in a Connecticut prison at one time, no problem.  Dad was a liar too, I guess.  The last time David was released from prison in August 2008, he was clear--no probation, no parole.  I picked him in town after his release, giving him some of his clothes so he could change.  It was great to see him, and he seemed relieved to be out of prison  (nee
 

deebee

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Re: Brother David -gone 7 months now
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2010, 12:10:58 PM »
(needed only to find a place to bunk, w/ help of social services).  I promised to keep in touch w/ him at least every other week, got him a bike to ride in town, helped w/ clothes, kitchenware, etc.  He found room-house w/ other men like him in town, got a job, seemed to be stable.  I visited him once month, had lunch together.  Then he changed jobs, got out of town, worked/lived on farm, loved it, was good at landscaping.  We kept in touch by phone more later on.  All the time he told me he was doing good, but I knew I could not trust everything he told me, b/c I knew he was a path. liar.  I urged him to get in touch w/ his daughter, she was getting married, and he did this.  I'm so relieved he was a part of her special day.   Before his death, he was less in touch w/ me, I would call, and get no call-backs.  This was never a good sign...it meant he was heading back into trouble.  I was so very right, even tho' I didnt want to be.  After not hearing from him in over 2 months, he showed up at my home on Jan. 4, 2010, w/ a girlfriend.   That also meant trouble, b/c each time he got into trouble/prison, it was b/c he felt he needed to impress a girl, buy her stuff he couldnt afford (stealing/forging), tell her tall stories.  He even told her and family members that he was dying of a brain tumor!  Dont understand this, or why he would say such a thing, but he did and would.  He once told me he had leukemia too.   
Anyway, he & g/f stayed for a nice dinner, we were happy to see him, I was relieved he was physically okay, but still worried something was up. I was so right---he called a day later, said he and g/f changed phone numbers, gave me new ones...

deebee

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Re: Brother David -gone 7 months now
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2010, 12:18:09 PM »
said not to talk to his daughter/my niece, as he was on the outs w/her, no reason why was given--some big secret, or conspiracy.  My family & I were feeling something was up.  I would try to call him and g/f, no answer at the new numbers, no return calls.  I was planning on visiting his place of work, where he said he would be leaving, because he found a new job paying $40/hour somewhere down near NYC.  I knew this had to be a lie too, because he was an ex-con, with little education (maybe had a GED--never knew what he completed), and there was no job that could pay him $40/hour!  Too good to be true, and probably was. 
While all this drama was going on, I was interviewing for a new job, got the new job and was looking forward to my start date of March 8.  On my last day at my old job, I was given flowers and gift cards, and was taken out to lunch--- it was a beautiful day for March 5, a friday, with the sun shining and it was warm that day, no coats were needed.   I still remember the night before at a motorcyle meeting, mentioning my brother's name and telling some friends a story about my brother David when he was young, and laughing w/ my hubby and friends about that story.  Not knowing that the next day, my last day at my old job, that David would be dead.  I'll continue this in another posting.....  Thanks all of you for listening and reading my story.  I appreciate it--hardest part yet to come.  love deebee

LaVonne

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Re: Brother David -gone 7 months now
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2010, 06:32:00 PM »
Thanks Deebee for sharing and I feel your pain and cry with you.  LaVonne

helene

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Re: Brother David -gone 7 months now
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2010, 12:26:49 PM »
Hi Deebee,

I read your post several times and the story of your brother David is very sad. It is obvious throughout your description of his life (and I know you haven't finished writing his story yet) that you did all you could to help him many times over - by tracking him down at that Connecticut prison, by getting him a bike and keeping in touch with him, and encouraging him to attend his daughter's wedding. While all those things and so much more was happening in his life, you also had your own life to live. Getting a new job - going through the interview etc - is very stressful and a big change in a person's life. It must have been hard to live your own life while constantly being worried about David and if he was getting into trouble again or not. I feel for you because my sister had a lot of problems too, not ones with the law but ones with her health - not taking care of herself and, in fact, sabataging what the docters were trying to do for her. She was almost constantly on my mind and in the end I felt completely drained by her overwhelming needs. Of my entire family, it was me who was there for her the most so I hear where you are coming from believe me. My sister Lesley's story is long and complex too. It involves childhood sexual abuse, severe parental neglect, and a lonely life of failed relationships and horrible health problems. Her story is horrendous and some day I will may tell more of it. Just know for now that my heart is with you in your pain. Realize that you did all you could for David and I am sure he must have known that YOU were the one who really loved him the most in your family. Take care. Love, Helene.


Helene & Lesley

jazzgirl

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Re: Brother David -gone 7 months now
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2010, 06:13:48 PM »
Hi Deebee,
My heart breaks for you and your family. I don't even know the rest of your story of David. It sounds like he had a very rough life style. I have to say though that thru your words, it sounds like you were a wonderful sister and did the best you could to bring happiness to his life. Unfortunately, that is how life is. All you can do is be the best friend and sister possible and hope that everything turns out ok. That is a lesson I have learned in a very hard way with my brother commiting suicide.  Although I talked to my brother often, I always regret not visiting him more or calling more and checking up on him. After he passed, I make it my mission to be in peoples lives or give simple phone calls here or there just to say I care. I, too, have friends that are in that dark path of life with drugs and alcohol and, although I don't agree with their livestyle, I know it is a way that they turn to to fill a void. I just make sure to let them know that I love them and I honor you for being such a good sister. You should know you did all the right things, but that sometimes isn't enough.
Thinking of you.... Jazzgirl!