Author Topic: Introductions  (Read 18422 times)

gloria61

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Thank you
« Reply #15 on: December 08, 2010, 07:32:39 PM »
Gail, your words and suggestons are very kind. I am so appreciative of the things you write since this is all so fresh for you also. We, my daughter, grandsons, and my boyfriend as well as her boyfriend decorated the tree tonight. Because the youngest is so small (17 months) it was a bit hectic so I didn't have time to think about Alex for a few minutes. The baby was taking off ornaments as fast as we could hang them. My daughter and grandsons live here now, they moved in just before Thanksgiving so there is a lot of commotion and stuff going on, it helps me stay busy and not dwell on my son as much during the day time. But now when the kids are in bed, and all is quite I find myself doing the same thing; facebook, the memorial from the funeral parlor.... 
The picture I assume is of you and your daughter. Rachel was a very beautiful little girl, I bet she grew into a beautiful young woman. I'd be honored if you shared more with me about her. I know it has helped me sharing thoughts of my son with you. If  you want to e-mail me, please do. I assume you can see my e-mail address in the profile?? I would love to hear more if you want to share. So that I don't delete it in error, please use Alex in the subject line.
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]

Motherof3

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2010, 03:59:19 PM »
Gloria,
 Your email is not on your profile but I can write here. The picture that you see is of Rachel and her daughter Kaylee(my granddaughter). So yes she did grow up to be a beautiful woman! Rachel was born on Dec.22nd 1980 and died Feb.5th 2010. She had just turned 29and still called me Mommy! Rachel was my youngest of 3 daughters. She was my Christmas baby. She grew up doing track(that girl could run!) and playing basketball in school. She was more of a tomboy of sorts growing up. She turned into my Miss Prissy as she grew up. She always had heels and a dress on. She was very much a perfectionist in everything she done. She was the kind of girl who would do anything for anyone and often went out of her way to help. She lived in downtown Chicago so of course she ran into a lot of homeless people there. She would never give them money but she would go buy them a meal and bring it back to them. Rachel had bit off more then she could handle I guess you could say she was a victim of the economy, She was facing foreclosure on her condo..behind on bills and car payments and just couldn't accept that she had failed. She couldn't ever see herself starting over. She called me the day she committed suicide crying. I talked to her until she was settled down(So I thought) I told her to come live with me and she told me that she was going to stay there and make it right.She hung herself from her canopy bed post.  Taking her life didn't make it right!!
     She wasn't found for a few days when we had the police do a well being check on her,when no one could get a hold of her on the phone and her face book status hadn't changed. She had everything laid out on her bed... the clothes, her heels that she wanted to be buried in..notes for me and her daughter..list of who she wanted to get what...her cell phones and a picture of Kaylee that she wanted with her. Like I said....a perfectionist!!
     We have lost our children but they will live on in our hearts!! I have to believe that to get through another day.
  If tears could build stairway and memories a lane. I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring You home again. Rachel will always be in My Heart. Sleep with the angels baby girl!

Terry

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2010, 07:32:52 PM »
Thinking of you tonight, Gloria and your precious Alexander and sending lots of hugs!

(((((((((((((((Gloria)))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

gloria61

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To Gail
« Reply #18 on: December 14, 2010, 07:29:46 AM »
Gail, I wish I had the right words to say about your beautiful daughter. I want to be as sensitive as I possibly can. I can relate to the situation your Rachel was feeling, as I have felt the same because of the economy. I’ve been struggling for the past 5 or more years with keeping my home. Not to put down my son, but as I’ve said before he played a major role in my financial failure since 2003.

I wish that I had known your daughter if only to tell her that there is no shame in financial failure of this sort. I lost a home back in the mid 90’s. I suffered some injuries at work that left me unemployable for some time and far behind in all of my bills. Long story short we sought the advice of a “financial advisor.”  He was about finances for sure; he took our money, we lost our home and I firmly believe that was the beginning of my son’s down fall.

After we lost our home we had to live with a friend of my husband for a while, he was kind enough to let us all move in, but he also forgot that my children had parents and was always on Alex’s back. “Alex pick up your socks” Alex do your home work.” Alex, Alex do this Alex don’t do that… One day I got into a fight with my husband to “stand up for his family” tell his friend that we are the parents and he wasn’t man enough to do so.  I found an apartment and eventually and we separated. I hated him for not standing up for our family, and most importantly Alex.  But what I would have told Rachel is you can bounce back. It took several years but I own my own home again, was able to buy a new car etc….. I so wish I could have told her that it’s not shameful to fail, sometimes there are things that happen that we have no control over what so ever. It sickens me to know such a beautiful young lady felt the only way out was death.

I still blame my ex-husband, and the way he failed our family and Alex. When we separated Alex started smoking pot, and was having difficulties in school, he was eventually diagnosed with ADHD and bi-polar. As I mentioned before I ran the gamut in respects to alternative schooling and even a residential school. But eventually Alex was of age and I lost the legal ability to “help” him. Then the rest is history; he started stealing, and eventually started doing heroin.

I am so; so sorry that Rachael let the situation get the better of her. Sometimes we get so caught up in the stigma of financial failure we loose sight of what is most important in life. I know that you did the best you can in your conversation with Rachael, I had the same conversation with Alex the day before he ended his life. I thought I had said all the right things, and I thought he had enough faith in me to help him. I know he faced several years in jail, but I thought I had convinced him that several years would be better then a lifetime with out him.

My heart goes out to you, as I can’t fathom how hard this holiday season in particular will be for you since Rachael was a Christmas baby.  Even in my own grief I am here for you. I do apologize it has taken days for me to reply but with my daughter here and my two young grandchildren quite, private moments are hard to come by. I will go to bed tonight and say an extra prayer for you and your family. Maybe some place in heaven our children have found each other and are looking down on us and sending us the strength to make it through.

Gloria
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]

browneyedgirl

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #19 on: December 14, 2010, 10:58:30 AM »
((((GAIL))))

(((GLORIA)))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

gloria61

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How to post a photo
« Reply #20 on: December 14, 2010, 07:34:00 PM »
I'd like to share a photo of my son Alex, but I can't figure out how to get it loaded. Can someone please help me?

Gloria61
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]

Terry

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #21 on: December 14, 2010, 08:11:06 PM »
http://tinyurl.com/24mu3n7

Let me know if this helps, Gloria! Looking forward to seeing a picture of your precious Alexander!!

Love,
Terry

gloria61

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Hoping pictures have posted.
« Reply #22 on: December 15, 2010, 05:14:03 AM »
Thank you Terry for your directions. Hopefully as I post this, there will be two photos of Alex.

I so miss his smile, and beautiful blue eyes. How I wish he knew how much I missed him and that I forgave him for all his mistakes in judgment. Drugs destroy people. Drugs destroy families. I wish I could get every young person to realize that the amount of pain that they relieve by using drugs, doesn't compare to the amount of pain that using them causes the ones they love.

(Well the URL shows up, and if clicked on you can see them, but the photos themselves do not appear, but I appreciate the help none the less)
« Last Edit: December 15, 2010, 05:15:50 AM by gloria61 »
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]

Motherof3

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #23 on: December 15, 2010, 06:24:57 AM »
(((( Gloria))))
     Your Alex is a very handsome man!! I am glad that you posted pics of him. I thank you for your prayers and hopefully you take some comfort in knowing that you are in my prayers also. I would like to think that all of our children have found each other and formed a strong bond together. They can watch over each other and keep a watch over all of us! I am really at a loss for words here. It seems to get harder as her birthday and Christmas gets nearer. I think back and remember everything from the day she was born..she was such a beautiful baby!! Rachel had worked so hard to achieve what she had. When she lost it all,she felt like a failure. I think that she had gotten too materialist in life. I know she wasn't satisfied til she had the best of everything but she worked hard for it. I think in a sense it is an addiction of sorts also... never completely satisfied with what you have but she was such a giving girl. Had a great sense of humor and could light up a room. I am so sorry that your Alex had such a rough time with life. Take comfort that you did all that was possible for him. True, they hit that legal age and they lives are out of our hands. They think they know it all and nothing can hurt them. They are invincible. We look at them as our babies and always will. Hold your Alex close to your heart as I will Rachel and they will always be with us. If, you ever want to talk just let me know and I will send you my phone #. Know that I will always be here to lend a shoulder.
  Holding you close in thought and prayer((((Gloria and Alex)))))
  If tears could build stairway and memories a lane. I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring You home again. Rachel will always be in My Heart. Sleep with the angels baby girl!

gloria61

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Thinking of you
« Reply #24 on: December 16, 2010, 09:11:50 PM »
Gail,
Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you tonight, and if you had support from your daughters? You said you had three and Rachel was the youngest, so I'm assuming that you have two surviving daughters.

I was trying to talk with my daughter earlier and she is so short with me, and angry that she lives here. I broke down the other day and asked her why she doesn't talk to me. I can't imagine why, knowing full well she is the only child I have left that she would be so cold. Well one reason is her "fiance" he's been pulling her and my grandsons away for a long time. He's very controling, and just a mean man through and through.  The week preceding Alex's death my daughter never called me, she never came over and never returned a call if I left a message. It turns out that her "fiance" had been arrested 4 days after Alex's death. He was arrested for having prescription drugs (Oxyconton) that weren't prescribed to him and he was accused of a breaking and entering and stealing a large sum of money. That's why they are living with me now, her landlord found out and they were evicted. He lost his job, they had no money for an apartment so they had to "settle" for living with me.

I needed my daughter when Alex died. I needed her to talk to, and she couldn't give me the time of day. Now she tells me that she doesn't want to be here, but has no choice.  You mentioned you had other daughters; were they their for you when Rachel died?

It's killing me to know that he has her so turned around that she would be so insensitive to me and my feelings. Some days lately I just want to tell her to leave if it's so unbearable to live in the home I have struggled so long to keep for my family. Since I lost the other home, the thing I strive for the most is to keep my house so that when my children needed a place to go, they could always come home. So many times I let Alex come back, no matter how much he stole, no matter how much he hurt me. Now I have to live everyday knowing that my daughter is using me and could care less how much my heart is breaking. I try to not say anything negative about him, but nothing changes. He calls her an f-n retard, a f-n looser, etc... People who know me have asked me why is she with such a ugly man. Why does she let him treat her and the kids so badly, and I have to say; I really don't know.
Did you have any problems with talking to your daughters after Rachel's death?

How do I get my daughter to talk to me when she is being controlled by a monster. And that's not just my opinion, I haven't met one person who can say anything good about him. And I don't understand how she can care about a man who has turned her life and my grandson's lives upside down, and so very soon after she has lost her only brother. And over drugs too! Doesn't she see what drugs did to her brother, my only son??

How do I get through this when my daughter, the only child I have left doesn't even care about her mother. Or if she does she isn't allowed to show it.
By the way my name is Tina, I used Gloria61 because  of a song that I love. I should have said so sooner, but I didn't care what anyone called me, just that someone cared enough to talk to me. I apologize for not saying so sooner.
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]

Terry

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #25 on: December 17, 2010, 09:35:21 AM »
   
               


Gloria, for future pictures, copy the IMAGE CODE from photobucket. You can also resize on that same page by choosing EDIT or by SAVING the IMAGE and then uploading it from your computer onto Photobucket. Also, you can do this in your computer's "picture program."

Whichever picture you would like to see on all of your posts, or if you choose to have both of these beautiful pictures, go to Forum Profile.

You can also arrange these pictures (side by side) by just changing the position where your IMAGE, URL is typed on the page.

At the bottom where it says Signature: paste the IMAGE code there. (You can still paste the URL in the box even if you have a poem or saying in there.)
• Click on the Change profile button.
• You should now have a picture at the bottom of your post.
• The picture should appear on the bottom of your signature area when you open your profile now. And, your pictures will appear on every post you write!

I hope this helps!

Your Alexander is beautiful. Thank you for sharing him!

Love,
Terry
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 10:43:14 AM by Terry »

Motherof3

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #26 on: December 18, 2010, 07:22:17 AM »
Tina,
  I am so sorry that you don't have the support that you so desperately need from your daughter! From what you tell me, I would have to say that your daughter is going through her own hell of grieving and doesn't know how to deal with it. I think she is just angry at everything in her life right now also..her brother dieing..her living arrangement.. her fiance getting busted. I had the same situation with my oldest daughter a few years back and yes it took awhile but she finally woke up to the way things were going and divorced him. She will come to realize things in time, all you can do is stay strong and watch out for her and them babies. She is lucky to have such a caring and forgiving mother. She will come around and 1 day it will hit her and she will need her even more and you will be there when she does! It's what Mothers do.. no matter how old they get...we pick up the pieces.
   As far as my other 2 daughters, yes they were there with me through the whole process. They had to pick me up at the airport, be with me when I had to identify Rachel, the funeral and after. The only thing I can say about that is after everything had settled down, my middle daughter pulled away from me in the sense that she wouldn't answer calls to her. She wouldn't talk to me for months because the conversation would always turn to Rachel. She just couldn't talk about her and I had to respect that even though it hurt my feelings. Everyone deals in their own way.She now is the 1 who goes to her grave site and leaves flowers and such. It is harder for us because I live in South Carolina and they both live in Iowa so we have the distance thing between us so it makes it harder for us to be there for each other. I talked to my oldest yesterday and she is feeling the effect of December( Rachel's birthday coming and Christmas without her)as I am. She cried and was feeling so lost. I told her to just wrap herself up in her daughter, grand kids and her sister and her family  and enjoy the time with them. They are 1 and 2 years old so this is really the first Christmas they will enjoy and to just enjoy it with them. Make some new memories but hold on to the memories she had with her sister. As for me I don't know what I will do when them dates arrive.. I already feel so anxious with dread that I can't even function at times,but I am sure that I will get through it. I have too! If you need to talk Just know that I am here for you and holding you close in prayer and thought!! We will make it... we are strong!!
 Always in prayer,
   Gale
  If tears could build stairway and memories a lane. I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring You home again. Rachel will always be in My Heart. Sleep with the angels baby girl!

gloria61

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Gail
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2010, 06:55:40 AM »
Gail,

I just wanted to say my prayers are with you today, and I'm wishing Rachel a Happy Birthday in Heaven, and I'll check back through out the day to see if you need someone to talk to.

Tina
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]

Motherof3

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #28 on: December 22, 2010, 08:28:52 PM »
Tina,
  Thank You so much for thinking of me today and for your prayers. I made it through the day...barely. I cried alot, played music,cried some more, looked through Rachel's pictures,cried even more and slept. Christmas will be another day to get through. I really appreciate your concern for me today. Let me know if you ever need to talk.
  Hugs and prayers
    Gale
  If tears could build stairway and memories a lane. I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring You home again. Rachel will always be in My Heart. Sleep with the angels baby girl!

gloria61

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Just another day in the life of a mother who wants her child back
« Reply #29 on: December 29, 2010, 07:37:06 PM »
It's taken me a couple months but I finally realized that my son is gone for good, that my family is forever broken, and that I have spent my life doing anything and everything for anyone who needed it all for nothing.  When I was six, I found out that I was adopted from the kids at school. I remember the tears as I was brought home to my "parents" who told me how they "picked" me out of a whole room of children.  From that day forward I struggled to find the love that I had lost when I was "given" away. I got married, I had two beautiful children, and I gave them all the love I felt I never had.Tonight I have come to the realization that I have wasted my time. I've struggled to keep my home, I tried to love and guide my children the best that I could with what I had. I've bent over backwards to have a family, because I thought that was what I was supposed to do, because a family is what I wanted more then anything in life. As I sit here and write this, tears spilling down my face, I sit here alone in a house full of people. No one who "claims" to love me, not a single friend, not my "loving" daughter, or my "soul mate' have a clue of the pain and agony I live with day after day, minute after minute. I sit here alone just waiting for my "loved" ones to see how much I want my life to end. How much their actions hurt me, and how much I miss my son.  At this point I'd trade my life and everything I have left to have my son back, at least he didn't pretend to be something he wasn't, and when he told me he loved me I knew he meant it. I'm not looking for sympathy; I just want those who say they love me to actually show it. One of these days, when my time comes, and I sit by my son's side where ever he is I hope my "loved ones" find this and realize how much they have and are hurting me.
My beautiful son Alexander; forever lost, forever missed but never ever forgotten.
http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb427/Tina_Farnsworth/Alex2008.jpg [nofollow]