Introductions

[Kissa2003]

Hi my name is Karissa. I just lost my dad on 4/21/19. His death was very sudden. I have never lost a parent before. I am 33 and my entire life I have been a “daddy’s girl” I am so lost right now I don’t know what to think or feel. I am having to help my mom through the grieving process also. I joined webhealing trying to find support from other people who have been through this. Right now it’s harder for me when I don’t have something to keep me busy. I have a terrible habit of remembering mistakes and arguments that I have had with my father over the years. When I think about these things I just sit and cry.

[MrJanuary70]

Hi

My name is Shawn.  I just signed up today and I've never done anything like this before.  I lost my mom on 12/30/18.  Her death was so unexpected.  She had ovarian cancer and was slated to do four weeks of chemo to shrink the tumor and if it shrank enough they would do surgery.  On 12/18 I took her for her first treatment.  Seemed to go fine, that evening she started her home dialysis and then in the middle of the night she was complaining about a severe pain in her head.  We tried everything.  We thought maybe her insulin was off so we checked it and it was crazy high we got worried and called the ambulance.  They did all kinds of test on her and they found that she had a blood clot from the port they put in for the chemo treatment.  So she had to stay in the hospital to be treated for that. So days go by and she's not getting better, stopped eating and drinking and she kept getting sick.  They said she was having reactions from the chemo treatment and it was normal.  We were hoping that she'd come home for Christmas but it didn't happen she just wasn't getting better.  I spent every night with her and my dad and sisters would stay with her during the day.  The day after Christmas they told us that the chemo treatment she had was eating away at her stomach and she has internal bleeding. They recommended hospice and to start preparing for the end.  We were all in shock. My dad and sisters were a mess.  My dad wanted her home cause she always said not to let her die in the hospital.  So I met with the hospice service and prepared everything to get her home.  She came home in the evening on 12/27.  She was talking which she didn't do much in the hospital. So that was a good sign.  My mom loved to have her nails all fancy so I arranged for the ladies where she got her nails done to come to the house and do her nails.  She loved it she stayed up and talked to the girls.  She was also excited because her older sister was flying in from Phoenix but wouldn't arrive until the 29th.  So the goal was for her to stay alive until she arrived.  The next two days she was pretty much out of it.  On the 29th everyone was at the house.  My Aunt arrived and she got to sit with mom for a few hours.  It was getting late so everyone went home except for my sisters, my brother-in-law and my oldest nephew. My dad and nephew were sitting on both sides of her and around 10 pm I looked over at her and I couldn't see her chest moving.  I went over to her and I put my hand over her heart and I felt a very slight beat and then nothing.  I looked at my dad and said she's gone.  I relive that moment in my head over and over.  I think when her heart stopped something in me died along with her.  So now I'm trying to figure out how to get over it or at least try to not to be so sad all the time.  I put on a good face when I'm around others but when I'm alone I'm a mess. 

[Dancingspirit]

Hi, I just signed up here. I just lost my mom 8 days ago. My mom had been sick since the end of December 2018, with pneumonia. She went to the dr several times, each time with no diagnosis. She was living with my sister at the time, and my mom had gotten worse, so my sister took her to the ER. There my mom was finally given the diagnosis of pneumonia, almost a month later. She was also on the verge of being septic and had a uti, too. After a few weeks, my mom was put into a nursing home. She wouldn’t eat or drink and kept getting weaker. She went back into the hospital, then a board and care and back into the hospital. Where she was once again diagnosed with pneumonia and a uti. She passed away in the hospital with my sister at her side. I had the chance to go see my mom, but after the last picture my sister sent me, I didn’t feel like I could see her. I now regret that decision. I had the money to fly to where my mom was. I just didn’t think that I could do it. I had posted on my family page about my mom’s passing, and I got the most horrible ugly email from my older sister. I haven’t been the same since. Just typing this in, I’m starting to break down. Her email hurt worse than my mom’s passing.
My dad passed away in Sept 2016, 3 days after my birthday. No one kept me updated on him. I never knew when he was in the hospital. I happened to call on the 16th, and my mom said that he had just come home from the hospital and that hospice had just left. My mom gave my dad the phone so that I could talk to him. I was able to tell him that I loved him, and that if he was to see the light or someone came to get him, to please go. My dad had cancer and I miss him so much. My dad was cremated and my mom had a memorial service for him. I never knew when it was, as I was not invited. My sister said that was my mom’s doing. I felt so hurt by that. Now I find out by looking at the mortuary web site, that my mom’s service says private.
My younger sister said that she was thinking around what would have been my mom’s birthday in October. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have anyway of getting a hold of my younger sister. I sent her a text to my mom’s phone, but I don’t know if she has turned it off or not. I’m to afraid to call and find out that it has been turned off. I feel so alone right now, like an empty shell. I’ve not gotten much comfort from my husband. I have no one to talk too. I just don’t know what to do. I have no friends either. I hope that someone can reach out to me, and help me.
My relationship with my sisters has not been good. My younger sister texted me on my mom’s phone and kept me updated and we made some choices on things after my mom passed.

[Lazy_panda]

Hi, my name is Parker. I use they/them.

Two years ago I lost my mother and I am still having trouble fully moving on. I made in an account in hopes to finally make amends.

I hope we can get along.