Author Topic: Introductions thread  (Read 75076 times)

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #45 on: January 17, 2011, 06:11:37 AM »
Angela,

I am so sorry for the great loss of your husband and also being so recent, you're having to deal with all of those painful 'first's.' Your daughter is truly a blessing and how is she doing?

Being blamed for his death must be overwhelming you right now. When someone dies....someone has to be blamed. Always!!!! It's human nature and will never change. The emotions involved with someone taking their own life, in the beginning are fueled by guilt. I'm so deeply sorry.

Know that many here understand and please tell us more when you are able. Take good care of 'you' right now. Eating well/snacking. Drinking plenty of water/fluids and try to rest the best you can. And, know that we are here for you. You do not have to be alone in this.

((((((((((((((((Angela))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

SarahW

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #46 on: January 17, 2011, 05:37:27 PM »
My name is Angela. At the age of 33 I became a widowed mommy. My husband of 5 years decided life was no longer worth living. He past away from suicide 9/22/2010. We have a 4 year old little girl. His parents relationship with me has been strained, at the begining they blamed me for his suicide. It has been an emotional roller coaster.

It wasn't suicide, but I lost my husband when my son was still a baby.

It is a roller coaster, and it will be for some time.  Let your love for your daughter help you.

Let us know how you are doing.
I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

You were a gift

SarahW

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #47 on: January 17, 2011, 05:38:34 PM »
Hi Dave
I'm new too. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. I know what you mean about distractions, they do help a little. It sounds like your wife was very brave and courageous.  And I know it is hard to find that in yourself, especially now, so early.  Take things one day at a time, even moment by moment if needs be.  That depair you talked about, it is like a wave of the ocean that washes over you sometimes, try to let it come and while you are in it, know that just like an ocean wave it will subside. 

Know that many people, I am learning from this site, can truly understand and know what you are feeling.  Perhaps there really is strength in numbers.

ManyTears


Great advice.  I hope you are doing well, "riding the waves."
I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

You were a gift

SarahW

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #48 on: January 17, 2011, 05:44:19 PM »
Thank you Terry. It has been a long journey. It is good to be able to talk to someone that KNOWS what this feels like.  My father died with lung and liver cancer 12 days after he was diagnosed. It was thee most hardest thing I have ever watched,  to see my father a man I thought was invincable succumb and die so quickly. He was a big man, physically and spiritually.  He and my mother were married 57 years and they raised 6 children. Then my mother, she survived him only by a few months, she was my best friend. Mom also had lung cancer. After they passed, both in the only home I had known as a child,  my husband Doug and I bought a small farm 200 miles from that home place.  We had worked very hard for it, and were proud to achieve our dream.  We paid cash for it, Doug gave his company to the oldest boy and retired at 45. This was celebrated with us by so many people.

Less than 90 days after we bought and moved to our little farm, 8 months after my mother died, my hero, the love of my life, the man that loved and raised my boys as his own since they were babies, my 45 year old husband dropped over dead with a heart attack. He died in my arms. His heart just exploded. We were married 17 years. He was a veteran and at his service he was given full military honors.  I still can hear those 21 guns, I still can hear Taps on those bagpipes, I can still see the light leaving his eyes.  I knew not a soul in our new place, more than 3 hours from my children, grandchildren and brothers.  After his funeral I came back to this farm and how I survived here, completely alone is another story for another day.  A woman I met at the bank who shared the loss of her daughter with me, told me (and her words still ring in my ears), "they will stop wanting to hear you cry".  I recall thinking, no way, not my family.

My greatest challenge now is understanding why she was right. My two adult sons and my five brothers do not seem to want to know that I am still grieving, that I still mourn.  This, on top of the actual grief itself, hurts me deeply.  It has changed my relationship with my boys.  They told me a year ago they did not want to have memorial gatherings for him any more, that it was time to move on, time to stop mourning. That they did not want to get together and watch me cry again. What is that?  I absolutely flipped out, because these boys loved that man.  I believe that death alienates us in and of itself.  Now suddenly I cannot share this despair, this crushing emotion with anyone? That is why I am so thankful you are here.  It is like God finally sent an angel to listen, albeit through a computer screen.  Thank you God! He died March 22 and soon , as I have in years past, I will slip into that place, the place where time stands still , that place where you feel it all over again, and this year, I will be even more alone.  That is why I cry so . . .
ManyTears

Pain and tears do lessen with time, but no one has the right to tell you how much time you need.

It sounds like your children needed less time than you do - but this is very individual.  They are ready to move forward at a quicker pace than you are, but you cannot force yourself to "catch up with them."

It will take however long it takes.

I am glad you have found this posting board as a place where you can share your feelings.  Also, don't hesitate to get help from your community if you need it - a counselor, a minister or priest, a sympathetic friend, etc.

All my best.
I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

You were a gift

allalone

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #49 on: March 26, 2011, 12:10:06 AM »


Hi, I am new to this site. I have called myself Allalone, because that's how I feel at this stage. I lost the love of my life to cancer exactly a month ago. He was fit when he went for a medical examination for a new job and was found to have a patch in his lung. This was subsequently diagnosed as lung cancer. He never gave up hope and fought and lived for 2 years. He was healthy most of the time, however just 2 months before his death, he started to feel unwell and 37 days before he died we were told his liver had multiple metastases and he had weeks to live. His decline was very fast and although he died of liver failure, he had not lost any weight and looked good till the very end. He was calm and serene and prepared for his funeral and did all the arrangements so that I would not have to do it alone. I looked after him at our home and he died in our bed. He waited for everyone to leave the room and died peacefully in my arms at 0115 in the morning. Although we had spoken of his dying and I had released him, I feel empty, lost and devastated as I held his lifeless body. I then went on auto pilot for a few weeks, while I did all I had to do re: the funeral etc. We have 2 small kids aged 11 and 9 and my only reason for living at the moment is because of them. I find the pain immense. Although I was expecting him to die, I did not expect to be so devastated and lost as I am a very independent professional, but at the moment I am confused and feel I am hopeless myself. I also lost my mother to leukemia exactly 6 months before my husband passed away and now I am grieving and missing her too.  Both of us are Christians and my husband believed he was being healed and death could not destroy him. I too believe He is now totally free of the cancer and that he is healed. My faith is what comforts me but still I find the cross too heavy and the pain almost unbearable.

Reading some of the entries here have given me courage that I am not alone and I know I will overcome this stage and be able to move on.

I came to this forum to get support so that I do not feel allalone.
Thanks

Allalone 


SarahW

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #50 on: March 26, 2011, 07:41:01 AM »


Hi, I am new to this site. I have called myself Allalone, because that's how I feel at this stage. I lost the love of my life to cancer exactly a month ago. He was fit when he went for a medical examination for a new job and was found to have a patch in his lung. This was subsequently diagnosed as lung cancer. He never gave up hope and fought and lived for 2 years. He was healthy most of the time, however just 2 months before his death, he started to feel unwell and 37 days before he died we were told his liver had multiple metastases and he had weeks to live. His decline was very fast and although he died of liver failure, he had not lost any weight and looked good till the very end. He was calm and serene and prepared for his funeral and did all the arrangements so that I would not have to do it alone. I looked after him at our home and he died in our bed. He waited for everyone to leave the room and died peacefully in my arms at 0115 in the morning. Although we had spoken of his dying and I had released him, I feel empty, lost and devastated as I held his lifeless body. I then went on auto pilot for a few weeks, while I did all I had to do re: the funeral etc. We have 2 small kids aged 11 and 9 and my only reason for living at the moment is because of them. I find the pain immense. Although I was expecting him to die, I did not expect to be so devastated and lost as I am a very independent professional, but at the moment I am confused and feel I am hopeless myself. I also lost my mother to leukemia exactly 6 months before my husband passed away and now I am grieving and missing her too.  Both of us are Christians and my husband believed he was being healed and death could not destroy him. I too believe He is now totally free of the cancer and that he is healed. My faith is what comforts me but still I find the cross too heavy and the pain almost unbearable.

Reading some of the entries here have given me courage that I am not alone and I know I will overcome this stage and be able to move on.

I came to this forum to get support so that I do not feel allalone.
Thanks

Allalone 



Your beloved sounds like a wonderful, strong, caring man - what a blessing he must have been in your life, but also, what a tragic loss for you and your children.

In some ways, you are "all alone" in this.  I was widowed with a small child and though others loved my husband very, very much, and suffered his loss at least as much as I did, my position was unique.  No one but me had been his partner, living with him every day, and counting on him to be a daily part of my life for years to come.  No one but me had a chid with him, and no one but me now had a fatherless child, to raise alone.

So - in any tragedy, those of us who mourn, mourn alone to a certain extent.  For each of us, there are unique circumstances that we have to deal with, and no one but us can know exactly how it all feels.

But, there is also a sense in which a grieving person is NOT alone, but is part of an infinitely large community that is doing the same.  And that community can be a comfort.  That community can let you know you're not crazy, when you feel as if you are losing your mind.  That community can help you stay afloat and not give up.  That community can let you know how time helps, and how it doesn't help - so you can look forward to some relief, and plan how to manage living with the scars and wounds that stay with you.

I know it can be hard to share your grief, so I just want to tell you that I appreciate you coming here and sharing.  Not only does it make you feel less alone, it makes us all feel less alone.

All my best to you and your loved ones as you move forward from this terrible event.  Come back any time to share more or to let us know how you are doing.
I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

You were a gift

ccwilcox

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #51 on: April 02, 2011, 06:22:46 PM »
I'm new here but wanted to introduce myself and my situation.  My husband, who was the love of my life, died almost two weeks ago from lung cancer.  I had friends and relatives all around me until late yesterday, and now I feel like I've been kicked in the chest.  It hurts to breathe.  I sometimes cry so much I think I'll never be able to stop.  I feel lost.  I don't know how people stand pain like this.

allalone

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #52 on: April 04, 2011, 05:05:31 AM »
ccwilcox, my heartfelt sympathies. I want to embrace you and send you love. Cry whenever you feel like it, I find tears healing. Lung cancer is terrible. My husband too died of lung cancer on the 26th of Feb 2011. Nothing prepared me for it. It is very difficult but now after 5 weeks, some days I feel better and I still am lost and crying, but the pain is decreasing. Yes, sadly family and friends leave surround your for the first few days and then you are all alone, expected to move on, when you feel torn apart, Keep writing.
My prayers are with you.

God Bless
Allalone

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #53 on: April 07, 2011, 06:15:12 AM »
ccwilcox,

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. These days, weeks after our loved ones die can feel unbearable. Please know that we understand here as we either have all been through it or like yourself, are presently going through it.

Welcome to our Webhealing family where I know you will find comfort and support from others who walk this same path. Try to take good care of yourself, especially now when this awful shock causes such a strain on us, both emotionally and physically. Drink plenty of water and rest, even if you are not able to sleep. Come here, day or night and just write, write, write. It really helps to get all of your feelings out.

Know we care, very much.

((((((((((((((((ccwilcox))))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

johnkmurray

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #54 on: April 08, 2011, 07:04:18 AM »
I'm new here but wanted to introduce myself and my situation.  My husband, who was the love of my life, died almost two weeks ago from lung cancer.  I had friends and relatives all around me until late yesterday, and now I feel like I've been kicked in the chest.  It hurts to breathe.  I sometimes cry so much I think I'll never be able to stop.  I feel lost.  I don't know how people stand pain like this.

Ccwilcox - We stand the pain because life leaves us little choice. Does it get better with time? Yes ... gradually. I lost my wife to cancer a year ago and although the last year has been full of both good days and bad days, I can honestly say that the good ones are slowly increasing while the bad days grow fewer. You're taking the first steps in an unwanted journey but you're not alone. Cry when you need to cry, or simply when you want to. Rejoice in the good memories of your life together - celebrate his life, even while you mourn his loss.

John

michelle1

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #55 on: April 10, 2011, 03:11:29 PM »
Hi,

My name is Michelle and I lost my husband on January 28th.  He was 50 years old.  This is my first time here so I'm not sure what I am doing.

My husband was most definitely my soul mate.  We did everything together... He died suddenly of a heart attack.  It still does not feel real.  He left me a voice mail when he left work that day telling me how much he loved me and those were the last words I heard from him.  I erased the message before I knew what the day would bring.  I can never get it back.

I read what someone else wrote about it being like a roller coaster ride and I feel exactly like that.  I feel good one day and think I can get through it and then the next moment it is all I can do to make myself go on.
Today is one of those days.   I just don't know how to live without him.  I have been going to church and constantly try to think that God has a plan and there is a reason "a bigger picture"... but I still find myself wondering why this had to happen.

None of my family lives near me.  I don't talk much about myself or my feelings and don't want them to go out of their way.  Actually no one lives near me.  I feel very isolated right now but don't like to bother anyone.  I am always pleasent... in front of people.  My brother keeps saying I am so strong and I'm going so much better than he would be doing.  This just makes me wonder how I'm supposed to be acting.  He does not know what I feel on the inside.

Yesterday was the first time I went to see my family since everything happened.  They were having a suprise 10th anniversary party for my brother and his wife.  I did not think anything about it until I got there and saw the photo album  of memories that was made for them... It hit me really hard and I had to hold back tears.  My husband and I will never have a 10th anniversary...

Our 8 year anniversary will be on Mother's Day weekend.  I have a work related committement that weekend.  I don't know what to expect then.  I never know when it will all hit me.  Sometimes I want to just drive away and disappear and never come back.  I don't know how to do this without him.  I have to work to survive but I cannot fully concentrate on work.

Tinabeth

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #56 on: April 22, 2011, 10:33:02 AM »
michelle1,

I'm sorry for your loss.  I, too, am new to the website and to widowhood.  I lost my husband Jay 9 weeks ago in a car accident.  He was 48 and we had been married for almost 29 years.  

I completely understand when you say life is like a rollercoaster....up, down, up, down, left, right, upside down.  I wonder sometimes if I'm losing my mind.  I don't know about you, but I'll have a very bad day (sometimes 2 in a row) then I'll have a day or two where I feel almost numb with only momentary times of breaking down.

I've read alot since my husband passed.  Some books I've read that have given me some comfort and reassurance that I'm not losing my mind are:  "I wasn''t ready to say Goodbye" by Brook Noel & Pamela Blair; "Reflections of a Grieving Spouse" by H. Norman Wright; and "When God & Grief Meet" by Lynn Eib.  The latter two have really been a comfort to me and provided me with some information that has helped me along this terrible journey.

I pray you find some comfort in your contacts on this website.  I will keep you in my prayers.  


Hugs, Tinabeth
Jay "Jaybo" Buford 1.28.1963 - 2.17.2011
My love - my best friend - my life - for 29 years.

browneyedgirl

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #57 on: April 22, 2011, 11:39:14 AM »
Hello Michelle1 ~ I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.....

Tinabeth ~ I am so very sorry for the loss of Jay.....

Welcome to Webhealing, I wish none of us had to be here, but this Board is a source of strength and light for many, and I hope you will feel at home here.  There is always someone to listen, and always someone that cares. 

Feel free to start a new thread telling us more about your husbands.

Sending love and light to the both of you.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

arthur

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #58 on: April 25, 2011, 09:14:38 PM »
Hi my name is Arthur..I was going to write an introuction of myself and my wonderful wife Maureen who died on 041411 ..but I can't do it today. The memories still too painful for me to recount without losing it. I just want all you to know I really appreciate the compassion shown to me when I responded to the ADD thread. I'll try to do this again later when the wounds are not so fresh.

browneyedgirl

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #59 on: April 26, 2011, 09:02:32 AM »
(((Arthur)))

We are all here for you when you are ready...

Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven