Author Topic: Introductions thread  (Read 75127 times)

browneyedgirl

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #75 on: June 22, 2011, 09:10:56 AM »
Hi to all,

My real name is Kevin and this is my first post here on this seemingly wonderful site.

On june 15th my wife for 16 years, who was also my soulmate and best friend, my everything, passed away unexpectedly.

She was diagnosed with invasive ductal breast cancer on the 24th of March. She then had a mastectomy in May. Last week on June 15th she went to have a port put in her chest so that they coud begin the chemotherapy. The surgery went well but on the way to the recovery room her heart stopped and they tried for 25 minutes to resuscitate her and failed. I was told over the phone by the fourth person I talked with of what happened.

We picked up her ashes today.

I don't know what to do.  Her happiness made me happy. Her smile to me was worth anything.

I don't know what else to say, as to me I've heard, seen, and felt the worst. I feel crushed, devastated, without reason to be here, and scared. The tears come unexpectedly.

My son flew in from Vancouver on Friday to help get things sorted out and he goes back home today. I have no family here and I need to return to work very soon.

It all happened so fast.

Dear Kevin ~

I am so very sorry for the sudden loss of your wife. 

Welcome, I am sorry you have to be here.  Post as often as you like, there is always someone to listen, you are never alone.

Please take care of yourself.

Sending love and light.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Zylen

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #76 on: June 22, 2011, 05:16:04 PM »
...
« Last Edit: August 21, 2013, 10:07:02 AM by Zylen »

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #77 on: June 22, 2011, 06:38:30 PM »
Kevin,

I understand the roller-coaster of emotions we feel, especially in the very early days and weeks of grief. I am so sorry for your pain and please know that we understand and are here for you.

We care, very much.

You have my love and my support.

Love,
Terry

Betty00

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #78 on: August 14, 2011, 02:27:42 PM »
Hi my name is Betty. I lost my beloved husband one week ago today. He was my best friend and my soul mate.  In April he wasen't feeling well in June we found out that he had cancer all through his body. He was in the hospital for one week then went into Hospice. He passed on 8-7-11 the day after our 16th wedding anniversery. We were together almost 19 years and never had a fight. My family was here most of the week but now have all gone back to Pa. I really miss him. I can focuse during the day but bed time is the worst......

I'm so glad I found this site where I can talk about my feelings. Thank you all for listening.

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #79 on: August 14, 2011, 02:45:54 PM »

Hi Betty,

I am so deeply sorry to hear of the recent loss of your precious husband and thank you for sharing a little of your story with us. Welcome to our webhealing family where you will find a lot of understanding, support and also, love. We care, here very much.

It helps to write all of your feelings down. At this point, it has hardly been enough time to even believe that he is gone. You truly have my heart, Betty.

Hold on and know that someone is always here to listen. Day or night. Please take care of yourself. Resting if you can't sleep well and snacking if a regular meal is out of the question. Healthy snacks and plenty of water/fluids. And, lots of deep breaths.

Sending you a hug  (((((((Betty)))))))

You have my support and understanding,
Love,
Terry

Betty00

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #80 on: August 15, 2011, 02:40:11 PM »
Terry, Thank you so very much.......................It means a lot to me.

browneyedgirl

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #81 on: August 15, 2011, 04:13:02 PM »
Hi my name is Betty. I lost my beloved husband one week ago today. He was my best friend and my soul mate.  In April he wasen't feeling well in June we found out that he had cancer all through his body. He was in the hospital for one week then went into Hospice. He passed on 8-7-11 the day after our 16th wedding anniversery. We were together almost 19 years and never had a fight. My family was here most of the week but now have all gone back to Pa. I really miss him. I can focuse during the day but bed time is the worst......

I'm so glad I found this site where I can talk about my feelings. Thank you all for listening.

Hi Betty ~

Welcome to Webhealing, I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband - and so sudden. 

You will find many wonderful, caring, understanding people here.  Someone is always here for you. 

Please feel free to start another thread telling us more about your husband if you like.

Sending love and light.   
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

TxDoug1952

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #82 on: September 18, 2011, 02:40:57 PM »
My precious wife of almost 29 years passed away on the 12th of July after a long twenty year battle with  Multiple Sclerosis.  I watched it cripple her body and mind and I watched her suufer such agony, that no one should ever have to endure.  She was in Hospice for the last year of her life and even they could not get her pain level down.  I had thought that I was preparing myself for her leaving this earth,  but once she left,  I found out that I was NOT anywhere close to being prepared.  I miss her so!   Every four hours I had to set the alarm to give her medicine.  She had to be fed and cleaned.  I am lost  ..    After she passed away I was so exhausted that after the funeral I got some much needed rest  ..  and busy taking care of the "have-to-dos."   Now two months later,  the reality that she is gone is so overwhelming.   We had a large circle of friends,  but because she was ill so long,  they all continued with their lives,  and while they called right after she passed  ..   the phone is silent now.   I fell so alone.  Money is tight, so that is its own seperate issue  ..   This is just a little of what is going on with me  ..  will post later.

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #83 on: September 18, 2011, 02:56:18 PM »

I'm so sorry you lost your precious wife. I don't think we're ever prepared. Not for that moment when the reality of never being able to see them again smacks us. It is stinging and doesn't go away for a long time. Know I understand.

Welcome to our Webhealing family where others here have also had great losses and are struggling to find their way. You'll find a lot of love and support here.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. And, when you're comfortable doing so, I look forward to hearing more about your precious wife.

Sending Hugs and Understanding,

((((((((TxDoug))))))))

My Love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #84 on: September 19, 2011, 09:34:18 AM »
My precious wife of almost 29 years passed away on the 12th of July after a long twenty year battle with  Multiple Sclerosis.  I watched it cripple her body and mind and I watched her suufer such agony, that no one should ever have to endure.  She was in Hospice for the last year of her life and even they could not get her pain level down.  I had thought that I was preparing myself for her leaving this earth,  but once she left,  I found out that I was NOT anywhere close to being prepared.  I miss her so!   Every four hours I had to set the alarm to give her medicine.  She had to be fed and cleaned.  I am lost  ..    After she passed away I was so exhausted that after the funeral I got some much needed rest  ..  and busy taking care of the "have-to-dos."   Now two months later,  the reality that she is gone is so overwhelming.   We had a large circle of friends,  but because she was ill so long,  they all continued with their lives,  and while they called right after she passed  ..   the phone is silent now.   I fell so alone.  Money is tight, so that is its own seperate issue  ..   This is just a little of what is going on with me  ..  will post later.

Dear TxDoug1952 ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife. 

Welcome to Webhealing - I am sorry you have to be here with us.  There are lots of people here who understand and care. 

Please come back soon and let us know how you're doing....please feel free to start a new thread if you like.

Sending love and light.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

gaberax

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #85 on: October 03, 2011, 06:16:12 AM »
My name is Bob.  I lost my wife of 16 years on July 15, 2011 to Spindle Cell Sarcoma.  She was diagnosed in early April.  At first we thought she was having gall bladder issues.  But it was cancer in her liver.  A week after localized chemo, the cancer presented in her right lung.  They tried full chemo but she continued to weaken.  By July 15th, she was gone.  She was 57.

Devastated is the word I generally use but that definition is far too weak to truly describe how destroyed my life has been.  It was unexpected and swift.  I am grappling to come to terms with her loss and all the losses associated with her.  No aspect of my life has been untouched and at times I feel like I am drowning in it all.  My faith and belief systems have been put to the test.

I came to share some of the things I am doing to stay alive.  I have been attending two GriefShare classes at two different churches on a weekly basis.  I have been exercising (riding a bike after 40 years.)  I have incorporated some of the suggestions made at the GriefShare classes, like keeping a journal and writing a grief letter.

I am taking things day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute.  I am looking to use any resource to get through this.  I don't expect to "get over" it but, hopefully, will find a way to live with it.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2011, 06:18:08 AM by gaberax »

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #86 on: October 03, 2011, 09:58:20 AM »

Hi Bob,

Welcome! I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious wife, Denise. Thank You for sharing your story with us.

I'm glad to hear you're using all of the resources available to you. I also write in a journal, everyday. Have for years. I find it very helpful. The letters are also therapeutic.

Let us know more about your wife and how you are doing, when you are comfortable doing so. Know you are cared for here.

Sending hugs & my understanding,

(((((((Bob)))))))

My Love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #87 on: October 03, 2011, 10:13:33 AM »
My name is Bob.  I lost my wife of 16 years on July 15, 2011 to Spindle Cell Sarcoma.  She was diagnosed in early April.  At first we thought she was having gall bladder issues.  But it was cancer in her liver.  A week after localized chemo, the cancer presented in her right lung.  They tried full chemo but she continued to weaken.  By July 15th, she was gone.  She was 57.

Devastated is the word I generally use but that definition is far too weak to truly describe how destroyed my life has been.  It was unexpected and swift.  I am grappling to come to terms with her loss and all the losses associated with her.  No aspect of my life has been untouched and at times I feel like I am drowning in it all.  My faith and belief systems have been put to the test.

I came to share some of the things I am doing to stay alive.  I have been attending two GriefShare classes at two different churches on a weekly basis.  I have been exercising (riding a bike after 40 years.)  I have incorporated some of the suggestions made at the GriefShare classes, like keeping a journal and writing a grief letter.

I am taking things day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute.  I am looking to use any resource to get through this.  I don't expect to "get over" it but, hopefully, will find a way to live with it.

Welcome Bob ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of Denise.  I think it's so admirable of you to want to help others, thank you. 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Bee

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #88 on: November 01, 2011, 04:43:35 PM »
Hello. I'm just trying to maintain at this point. I'm looking for people that have survived the horror of losing their partner in life. I know my story isn't the worst, others have gone through more. I just need to see for myself that it is possible to survive and carry on, somehow.
We were friends since highschool. We loved each other then, just never admitted it to each other. Went separate ways in life, but always remained tight friends. He had to have his babies. I had to have mine. He finally broke away from the dark one, saw that there was life to be had. He looked to me. I looked back. We came together as soulmates, lifemates at the end of this May. I'd never had so much fun, so much laughter, so much acceptance. I admit, I was scared of it a bit. I'd never been loved like that before. I dragged my feet, wanted my feelings to grow, not screw it up this time, not rush in. There were other plans. I got pregnant. We were scared, but so happy. He wanted me to have my girl. I had to stop my antidepressants, which I did willingly to keep the baby safe. The withdrawals, combined with my hormones, made me into an angry, sick, flippant being. I asked him for space. I needed to just be sick and green on the couch. I wanted him to have fun, not worry while I got through some of this. It scared him. He thought I didn't love him. He thought I was going to leave him. I told him I would never leave the most wonderful man I'd ever met and he didn't deserve my aggression. I felt just awful, crazy, unsure. Wanted to let my love for him grow, not have it forced. Saturday he had wine for breakfast. He came to see me at work. We laughed. He went to walk up the sidewalk to a bar for some lunch. He told me he loved me. I didn't say it back. I DIDN'T SAY IT BACK! I felt it, but I let my ego, my mixed up horrible emotions stop me from saying it back. He was riding his motorcycle. It was so nice out and he loved it so much. He basically built it from the ground up. It was beautiful. That night we were to visit friends. He texted me, "Would you be mad if I told you that I bike surfed tonight?" I replied, "Why would I be mad? Your death wish keeps me distant." He replied, "Taste death, Live Life." His careless remark sparked up my anger and shock even more. I replied, " F**ck Off." That was it. Minutes later, according to the police, he was in a one person motorcycle accident, September 17th, just before 8PM. The bike flipped. Instant stage 4 coma. Not one broken bone. Massive head trama. He damaged his entire brain. He died in the hospital nine days later, September 26th, 9:12PM. His brain had swelled so much that it finally severed his brainstem. I know he doesn't want me to feel this guilt, but if only I had told him how much he means to me THAT DAY, the week before, he wouldn't have been so flippant, so careless. I have the baby inside, 15 weeks pregnant Wednesday. I keep his love in my heart, keep the baby safe. To give up would be to dishonor him and our love. I need to speak with him somehow, tell him I'm sorry. I tell him all the time. I don't know how to earn my penance. Trying to be strong. Praying every day. Talk to his pictures everyday. I miss him. My older boys miss him. Our future is gone. How do you let it go? I will never let him leave my heart, but I know that I must let the hope for our future together go.

gaberax

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #89 on: November 05, 2011, 03:54:38 PM »
My name is Bob. I've been posting here for a while now but have never posted an introduction.  I have been keeping a private blog since September 20th of this year (Denise passed on July 15th) and will post the first entry.  It details the events as I remember them:

I have been prompted to start this blog in response to the death of my girlfriend/partner/wife/lover (she was never happy with any of those terms) Denise.  I usually say wife...because that's how it felt to me...and I suspect she felt that way too.  We had 16 great years together, full of every kind of thing life can dish up...good, bad, fun, tragic...everything.

Denise developed Spindle Cell Sarcoma.  She died July 15, 2011.  In April of 2011, I had noticed that her appetite had fallen off.  When we had breakfast or went to dinner she pushed her plate away after a bite or two. At first I thought she might trying to diet..we both were at the time.  But after a week or so, it started to worry me.  We discussed it and she assured me it wasn't a problem, she just felt full.

After a month, I began to seriously advise her that she needed to see a doctor.  She finally relented and we made an appointment with her GP the very next day.   By this time, Denise and I had concluded that it must be a gall bladder issue.  That ran in her family.  We discussed that possibility with the GP and she concurred.  We were set up to have an ultrasound of the gall bladder.

We went to the ultrasound.  I don't know what a usual amount of time is to get an ultrasound but it seemed like a long time that Denise was back there.  When she came out she said, "Well, something's wrong."  I asked why and she said the technician couldn't see her gall bladder and asked if she had had it removed previously.  Denise said no, she had not.  The tech went to discuss with one of her superiors and Denise said she was gone for quite a while.  When the tech returned, Denise said she was too perky...too happy.  The tech advised that Denise's GP would be getting back with the results.

The results didn't look good.  The reason the gall bladder was not seen was because the liver was blocking it. Denise's liver was extended far beyond normal size.  Her GP called for a biopsy of the liver and we went to Northwest hospital.  The biopsy came back as cancerous.

Denise took off from work on leave and I began working from home as much as possible.  Denise slept a lot of the time and I started taking over the household chores.

On the advise of the GP we met with an Oncologist at GBMC Hospital in Towson.  At that time a clear understanding of the type of cancer was not known, although skin, connective tissue and pancreatic were mentioned.  Denise's father had passed away from pancreatic cancer several years earlier.

I knew the diagnosis were not good but I didn't know how bad at the time.  I didn't do any research either and I don't now know why.  Maybe I didn't want to alarm Denise any more than she already was.  Maybe I didn't want to know.  But I didn't at the time.

At any rate, the Oncologist and his staff implied that we were facing a chronic condition. Something manageable. Something long-term.  At least that was what I took away from the initial consultations.

The decision to try and save as much of Denise's liver, where the cancer had presented but not, we were told, from where the cancer originated, was made.  A procedure to inject chemotherapy directly into one of the two halves of the liver would be done.  After a month, the second half of the liver would undergo the procedure.  And so it was done.

We went back home and our usual lives, although Denise was on leave and I was working from home to be with her.  After a week, however, it became clear that Denise was struggling to get up the stairs to get to the bedroom.  I would help her up and she would be gasping for air for 15 minutes afterwards.  I said that we needed to contact the doctor right away.  It was approaching Memorial Day weekend.

I woke up the next morning and Denise was not in bed. At first I wasn't too concerned but after a few minutes I thought I would try and find her.  I got up and when I couldn't find her in the master bath started to go downstairs.  I noticed the hallway bathroom light was on.  I opened the door and I could hear Denise weakly calling for help.  She was sitting in the tub.  She seemed confused, dazed and couldn't remember how long she had been there.  She was in such a weakened state that it took almost an hour to get her out of the tub.  I almost had to call 911.  Once she was out, I let her rest for a bit, then we went back to the hospital. It was Memorial Day weekend.

Denise was admitted.  Her right lung was filling up with fluid.  The weekend physicians contacted the Oncologist and it was determined that Denise's lung would be drained.  This was done and a liter and a half of fluid was drained from her lung.  After the holiday, we were told, a more permanent drain would be introduced.  Denise's lungs continued to fill with fluid and were drained that weekend.

That next week, I waited in the waiting room while the drain was being attached.  The surgeon took my cell phone number and advised that he would contact me when the surgery was complete.  When he called, he ended the conversation by saying, "while I was in there I scoped out her lungs.  There were too many cancer nodules to count."  I was devastated.

The next chance I had to speak to the Oncologist I asked him to step into the hall.  I told him that I needed to hear the words from him...Denise was dying, wasn't she. I advised him that no one other than me knew that Denise was as sick as she was.  She had not shared anything with any of her family.  I was afraid we would run out of time.  I needed advice on how to go forward. His response was very non-committal, saying that he wasn't God and that he couldn't tell who would or would not die.  To his credit, Denise was his patient, not me.  He told her only the things she asked of him, only what she determined she could handle...a practice I understand now is common with Oncologists.

Later, I had a conversation with Denise.  Her mental capacities were starting to show signs of fraying.  But she was still alert and responsive most of the time.  We talked about talking to her kids and family.  We stated making calls.

Meanwhile, the Oncologist advised that Denise undergo full chemotherapy.  That was arranged and treatment commenced.  Her son came to stay with her the day after chemo completed.  I had been in the hospital for days on end.  I took a break.  I went to a nearby trail and walked for two hours, one hour out and one hour back. My feet were covered in blisters.

When I returned to the hospital, I passed the one of the Oncologist's staff coming out of Denise's room. When I walked in, Denise was looking pale and frightened.  I asked her what was wrong.  She said, "They just told me I'm dying." She said her son had asked what stage of cancer his mother was at and the staff member blithely responded, "Stage 4. She's terminal."  She looked at Denise and said, "You knew that, right?"  Until that moment, no one had used the word terminal...it had all been "manageable, long-term, controllable."  Her son and I comforted her as best we could.

Denise started to develop chest pain. The unit she was on didn't have heart monitoring equipment so she was transferred to the ICU unit.  The second day she was there her younger son came to stay with her.  We were advised to leave at the end of visiting hours.  We went and had dinner, both of us exhausted.

I got a call from the ICU at midnight.  They advised that Denise's right lung was filling with fluid and would need draining (the chest plug having been removed earlier.)  I was groggy and asked if I needed to come in and was advised no.  At 2am I received another call telling me that chest drain had been re-installed.  Again, I said I would be right there but was advised that that was not necessary.  Finally, I receive a call at 4am.  Denise was on a respirator.  I woke her son and we went back to the hospital.

Denise was on the respirator most of that next day.  Her family, my family, friends...people floated in and out. The oncologist said that she would be removed from the respirator later in the afternoon.  Her oldest son and I went to the bank and retrieved her will and living will.

Denise drifted between consciousness and unconsciousness.  It was like she were standing behind a wall of fog, would step out for a while, then fade back behind the wall.  She wanted a DNR.  She was able to agree to that.  The oncologist finally came in and said there was nothing more medically that could be done.  The decision to transfer Denise to the hospice was made.  She worked at a local Nursing Home which had its own hospice unit.  I called and asked if Denise could come home.

She was on the hospice unit 3 days.  I brought in ambient music we listened to nightly as we went to sleep and played it, I brought in my guitar and played softly while she rested.  I brought our dog in, "My faithful dog," she said.  All during her sickness at home, our dog had lain with her on the bed and at her feet.  For that last month, the dog was with my parents.

I sat with her for 3 days and nights.  Holding her hand, telling her how much I loved her, trying to comfort her, telling her it was okay for her to go.  Family, friends and acquaintances stopped by on the second full day she was there.  She was conscience most of the time. She was able to talk with everyone and say goodbye.

Finally, on the third day, the hospice staff advised that we try to limit the number of visitors in the room at one time.  My ex-wife and daughter, who had flown in from college in Chicago, stopped by with coffee for me.  My daughter visited with Denise briefly.  Denise was able to open her eyes and smile at my daughter.  They left and Denise's youngest sister stopped by to spell me.

I left the room and went down the hall.  As I was returning, from the far end of the hall I saw her sister re-enter the room.  My phone started to buzz and when I flipped it open it was her sister...."Come quick, she's going.." was what I remember.  I ran down the hall and into the room.  Denise's sister was on her knees by the bed.  Denise was not breathing.  Her sister started to explain that her husband had called and she stepped out of the room to tell him she would talk to him later.  When she walked back in Denise had slipped away.

As she was explaining this...and I was standing in the whirlwind...Denise, who had not taken a breath in at least two minutes, propped up a bit on the bed, she said, in a voice stronger and clearer than it had been in days, "Yes,  yes, I can see it.  Yes, it's over there, okay, I'm going."  She laid down and nothing more.

And she was gone.

And that is how it was, Friday, July 15, 2011 at 11:11am.  My beloved wife...my best friend...the love of my life...passed away.