Crisis, Grief, and Healing > Spouse, Partner Loss
Introductions thread
Imma:
Hello,
I would like to introduce myself. My name is Imma, I lost my husband two years ago, and I'm still missing him a lot. We had got two children who are now seven and twelve years old , and despite all the sadness and the pain I try to make him present with us. When he died, I read a lot about the mourning and I found a sentence that helped me quite a lot. It was a Seneca's sentence which says " Do not curse the gods that you can not live by, thank you had lived", then I realised that while me and the children remember him, he should live in us. That's not easy and sometimes it's very hard but it helps me. When there's a new decision about one of the boys I use to think what we should have done as a couple, as his parents, and I try not to forget his vision, because it's part of our family. In the other hand I don't feel it as an obssession, just a way of living.
Last September he would have done 50 years and we made a celebration, we made a video and we remember him with a lot of friends, it was sad but, at the same time, I felt him with me, with us, so I also was happy. It's difficult learn how to live without him but with him too.
browneyedgirl:
Dear Imma ~
I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.
Welcome to Webhealing, you will find many supportive, kind people here to help you on your journey.
Please come back and tell us more about your husband and/or feel free to start a new thread about him.
Take care of yourself.
Terry:
Hi Imma,
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your precious husband. You're right, it does take time to learn how to live without them. It's a different life with many challenges. One day at a time with a little help from our friends.
--- Quote from: Imma on October 21, 2010, 04:42:10 AM ---" Do not curse the gods that you can not live by, thank you had lived", then I realised that while me and the children remember him, he should live in us. That's not easy and sometimes it's very hard but it helps me. When there's a new decision about one of the boys I use to think what we should have done as a couple, as his parents, and I try not to forget his vision, because it's part of our family. In the other hand I don't feel it as an obssession, just a way of living.
--- End quote ---
What a profound quote and how true. And, I agree it isn't easy. Nothing about living without them is easy.
Your children are blessed that you're continuing to raise them with both you and your husband's morals, values and are making decisions accordingly. Awesome!
Welcome to Webhealing! And, feel free to post on the Partner/Spouse Loss board. When and if you feel up to it, I would love to hear more about your husband. Do you have Holiday plans with the children? And, how are the little ones doing?
You have my heart along with your children!
My love,
Terry
johnkmurray:
Hi, I'm John, and I lost my wife Kit to cancer earlier this year. I found this board a couple of months ago. I check in periodically, and especially now with the holiday season upon us I am feeling her loss more intensely.
John
Terry:
Hi John,
This is, by far the hardest time of the year for us all. There is no shame in hiding under the covers until it's all over (done that) or doing anything else that you feel you want or need to do. We do what we have to, to protect our hearts. I think the added stress comes when we allow others to lay the guilt trip on us for not being in the holiday spirit. I never allowed that, although many have tried.
I know this is your first holiday without Kit. Take care of yourself.
Love,
Terry
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