Author Topic: Another Loss  (Read 2567 times)

ScottW

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Another Loss
« on: August 31, 2010, 01:41:19 PM »
My beautiful sister, Jori, who died in November, 2008 left behind 2 gorgeous children.  My nephews (now 9 and 11) have been the centerpiece in my family's life for about a decade.  Now that I have a family of my own, that 'circle' has grown, but I have always had an extraordinary relationship with 'the boys'.  Jori's ex-husband (Eric) was an alcoholic and (expecially towards the end) tormented Jori with verbal abuse. 

After Jori died, my parents obtained custody (with the blessing of Eric) of the kids.  For about 16 months there was NO communication from Eric.  We knew he was 'in a bad place', we knew he was in and out of jail (simply for missing court appearances) and re-hab.  About 8-10 weeks ago, Eric re-surfaced.  Though he looked unhealthy (very yellow), he was sober and he was trying.  He began attending the kids' baseball games and going to lunch (my nephews demanded that my parents be present).  Just last week, the boys finally decided that they would be 'willing' to go to dinner alone with their father.

Well . . . last Wednesday, Eric was found dead in his home (liver failure).  The funeral was yesterday.  The first thing my oldest nephew asked is, "Does this mean we're orphans now?". This surreal 'episode of life' just doesn't seem to want to end.  These poor boys, it's just so sad.  I have had a burning anger for some time, so this event brought up so many mixed emotions for me.  I've known Eric's sister for over 30 years so I attended the wake and funeral; for their family and 'for the boys'. 

I guess it really boils down to the fact that I'm angry.  I know it sounds so harsh and unfeeling but I KNOW that had Eric died 2 years ao, my sister would still be alive today.  Jori did not commit suicide but his constant belittling and tormenting led her to make decisions that she otherwise would not have made . . . he truly made her crazy.

I guess I'm babbling, but it's nice to have a place to do it.  Thanks.

browneyedgirl

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Re: Another Loss
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2010, 04:50:15 PM »
Hi Scott ~

I am very sorry for the loss of Eric, for his family and his boys.....

Tony has a son, he is now 9 (my parnets are raising him now), when Tony died he was 8, and at 6 his mother died.  I know how hard it can be to watch children go though this.  I am also sorry for the pain that Eric caused Jori, Tony's ex-wife did much of the same.  Made his life miserable, and when she died, he blamed himself.  He never really got over it, and began drinking something crazy which led to his death.

My nephew's brother (same mom, but Tony was not the Dad) said when Tony died "wow, I bet Tony and Mom already had a fight in Heaven."  Whoa.....

I am sending you strength for the coming days, I suspect your nephews will need you more than ever now, I know you'll be there for them.

Take Care...

Pam
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: Another Loss
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2010, 07:43:39 PM »
I'm so sorry, Scott. None of what you shared sounds harsh. Jori's boys are going through so much and your heart hurts for them and more than anything you want your sister back. The constant "If's" are so hurtful.

You're anger is understandable and you're not alone. You have my heart.

Love,
Terry

Terry

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Re: Another Loss
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2010, 02:59:41 PM »
How are you doing, Scott and how are the boys?

Always thinking of you and your precious Jori.

((((((((((((Scott)))))))))))

My love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: Another Loss
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2010, 02:29:49 PM »
Scott ~ I echo what Terry has posted, let us know how you are doing.....
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

laurenE

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Re: Another Loss
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2010, 04:44:58 PM »
oooh   Scott, this just broke my heart to read this.   How much are 2 little boys expected to take?  I am so very very sorry for the pain and anger you and your family is feeling right now. 

Thanks for updating us.  This is a great place to come and just vent. We're here for ya buddy!

lauren

ScottW

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Re: Another Loss
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2010, 02:14:22 PM »
Pam, Terry, Lauren . . . thank you very much for your kind thoughts and general interest in 'how I'm doing'.  I was able to read these posts (on my 'smart phone') over the weekend and it really helped me to know that you all were thinking about me.  It is very humbling and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

We're all 'trudging through' . . . the boys are doing remarkably well and the rest of us are trying to 'hang in'.  It feels like T'Giving (that's when we lost Jori) is creeping up on us - I should say, I feel like it's creeping up on me and I think there is an underlying sense of angst as the date approaches.  On November 29, I'll be 'older' than my big sister; that's a concept that I'm finding hard to grasp.  Plus . . . I turn 40 in December (so there's THAT - smile).  We just celebrated Rosh Hashana (the celebration of the 'new year' on the the Hebrew calendar) . . . I can only hope for a MUCH easier year this time around.

Anyway, thanks again.  Your hugs mean more than you realize.
Scott

browneyedgirl

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Re: Another Loss
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2010, 02:45:14 PM »
Dear Scott ~

I am so happy to read that the boys are doing well in this heart breaking situation.

I do wish you a much easier time this year, but there's always a little emptiness there, unfortantly. 

Take care my friend,
Pam
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven