Author Topic: 12 Years Ago Today  (Read 3958 times)

Ramona

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12 Years Ago Today
« on: August 29, 2010, 05:20:19 PM »
Today is 12 years since my Tim left our life.  This morning my husband and I re-read  most of my journal for this past year.  Just wanted to see what has been happening in our life.  This year has been about steping back more fully into our life.  Recently we have been reconnecting with people who have slowly slipped away from us over time.  Brought about some sadness to see how their lives have progressed and ours was the same.  Many of these people met after we first got married.  We were the ones with no children then and now we are again the ones with no children so it felt strange to be back at that place.  When they all have children and grandchildren and milestones to tell us about.  Well, we have a lot of empty space left in our lives.  Deep breathe, just breath is what I was telling myself.  Some asked about what happened with Tim now that enough time has gone by, they felt it was okay to ask some questions.  Did not want to then, they said because they did not want to bring about more pain for us.  Sigh.....they did care, just did not know what to do.

A couple of our grown friend's children wanted so badly to be able to talk with us.  I had not idea how much of an impact we had on their lives.  This is a good thing.  I am glad we took this step to reach out again to those who we thought turned away from us.  For the longest time, we felt so alone when we now know we are the ones who need to be taking the step towards others.  To reach out and be more apart of life again.  To do things that brings us joy and doing things that will make us happy.  We are now able to do this more and more.

I was able to see this year that healing has come to my broken heart.  I could say outloud to my counselor, I am healed. It is no longer about the pain but my focus is on living again.   Trying to blend the old life with our new life.  So much of this time we have been trying to start a new life and just move away from the old.  Now it is becoming a blending process of what was with what is now.  This is what my Tim has been trying to tell us all along.

Dearest Tim, today was the day you left our lives 12 years ago.  I thought then I could not survive this journey left to live without you but I now see so clearly your love has never left my side.  You have walked everyday of this journey with me.  You are as close as the beating of my heart.   The more I  focus on the things that bring me happiness and joy the more I feel closer to you.  You are link to the good things left to uncover in my life.  It is not about focusing on the pain and loss that kept me close to you, though at the time in the beginning it did but now you are no longer there in the past but on the road up ahead I have left to travel. I see you as my guiding light.  Dad and I love you more then we could ever express with mere words so we now do it with our heart.  Finding people to love, things we love and especially giving that love to ourselves and to each other.  Hug and a kiss and a kiss and a hug to you forever, Mom and Dad 


Terry

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Re: 12 Years Ago Today
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2010, 06:06:01 PM »
Dearest Tim, today was the day you left our lives 12 years ago.  I thought then I could not survive this journey left to live without you but I now see so clearly your love has never left my side.  You have walked everyday of this journey with me.  You are as close as the beating of my heart.   The more I  focus on the things that bring me happiness and joy the more I feel closer to you.  You are link to the good things left to uncover in my life.  It is not about focusing on the pain and loss that kept me close to you, though at the time in the beginning it did but now you are no longer there in the past but on the road up ahead I have left to travel. I see you as my guiding light.  Dad and I love you more then we could ever express with mere words so we now do it with our heart.  Finding people to love, things we love and especially giving that love to ourselves and to each other.  Hug and a kiss and a kiss and a hug to you forever, Mom and Dad 

Ramona, thank you for sharing your Tim with us and as always, your words of wisdom. Beautiful letter to your baby!

It's all about the love and our love for them continues to grow. So true that Tim will never leave your side. Our children are with us always.

((((((((Ramona)))))))))

Love to you and thoughts of your Tim today and always.
Terry

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: 12 Years Ago Today
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2010, 07:27:44 PM »
Dearest Ramona,
Your letter, your feelings, the lessons learned was such a powerful read for me. You have inspired me and gives me hope that someday I too will stop needing to feel the pain and loss to be connected to Adam.
Sending you hugs,
Paula
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

LaVonne

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Re: 12 Years Ago Today
« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2010, 06:32:22 PM »
Ramona:  Thinking of you and your Tim. It will be 12 years for us this Nov.  I am glad that you have healed as much as you can and that you see this journey as blending. I too share in that feeling. Please know I care and that your journey on this road be good to you. Your Tim will be waiting when It is your turn to go. I really believe he is with you and guiding you as you walk this journey. You are not alone for he is always with you.  Hugs  LaVonne

Johns Mom

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Re: 12 Years Ago Today
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2010, 09:18:59 AM »
(((((((Ramona)))))))) thinking of you & your husband and your precious Tim....Much love, Pat..John's Mom

WendyRN

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Re: 12 Years Ago Today
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2010, 12:38:55 PM »
Despite the difficulty of facing another anniversary without your son, your posting sounds so positive......achingly lonely but positive.  Thank you for sharing a piece of your journey ..... a resolution of hopelessness.  For those of us who have not yet found a way to live with joy in our heart, in our life, it is so appreciated. 

Dear friends of ours are coming upon the 12th anniversary of their son's passing after a long struggle with cancer.  They have two surviving children.  The dad is doing much better the past couple of years, moving forward and experiencing happiness once again. The mom has struggled as of late.  She has become, again, withdrawn and moody, extremely sensitive, resentful of others..........just lost again in her own depression and apart from life.  In the three years (August 5, 2007) since we lost our Keith, this couple have been a lifeline, always remembering him, bringing flowers on his birthday, listening while we cry.  They have been invaluable to us.  I want to help her re-engage but she is too withdrawn at this point to return phone calls or e-mail.  I can only pray that she, too, will find a way to piece her heart together and focus on reaching out to life. 


Wendy, Keith's mom

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: 12 Years Ago Today
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2010, 07:33:51 PM »
Your post provides such inspiration to those of us who have been traveling this road for a shorter time than you and hopefully even to those who have just begun this horrible journey.
Sending strength and peace to you.