Author Topic: A New Member  (Read 3946 times)

Mel

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A New Member
« on: August 02, 2010, 04:02:33 AM »
Hi!  I just found webhealing and want to connect with others who have lost a spouse.  I lost my husband 9/29/09 the day after my birthday.  It was a massive heart attack and sudden.  I have moved along in the grieving process but still hurting of course.  I know I need to build a new life but don't know how.  I do not fit in with the people that I spent time with before.  I have had guilt as to why didn't I notice something was wrong but have resolved a lot of that (there were no real specific symptoms) etc.  I know I am still here for a purpose and trying to find that.  There are many challenges in my life now not only financial but also need to connect with others and that is why I am here.  I look forward to any feedback and hopefully some new friends all taking this journey that we did not want to take but must.

to young to be a widow

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Re: A New Member
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2010, 08:25:09 AM »
new member,

i lost my wonderful husband fred may 8th of this year suddenly and unexpected--i was not prepared to lose him so soon--so i can sympatize with your loss--for i too struggle on a daily basis with all of this--i still blame myself for the loss of my husband and there are days that i just cannot cope at all--fred never complained that he was sick--they said it was a cardiac arrythmia--but then after we got the pathology report we found out that he had cancer--and we never even knew--again sorry for your loss

to young to be a widow
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: A New Member
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2010, 08:34:38 AM »
Hi Mel,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and welcome to Webhealing. There are a lot of very loving and supportive folks here that can relate to your pain, to all aspects of your grief and I know you will find comfort here and also, make wonderful friendships along the way. I have.

Thank You for sharing your story with us.

((((((((((Mel))))))))))

Much love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: A New Member
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2010, 09:25:12 AM »
Hi Mel ~ I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. 

Welcome to webhealing....you will find a comforting supportive word here when you need it.  We are like a big family. 

You will make lasting friendships here. 

(((Mel))))

Take care of yourself.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Mel

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Thank you for the Warm Welcome
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2010, 09:47:58 AM »
I am new to this and hope I responding correctly.  I guess I need to read more about posting but did want to thank the three of you who have posted with a very warm welcome.  I do notice that others have lost their spouses at a young age.  My husband was 58 and it was sudden.  I had an autopsy done and it showed he had a massive heart attack but had not had a prior heart attack.  When I say he was busy and active that day and seemed fine and the day before also.  I felt so bad too because I was watching my two youngest grandchildren and was not home.  Of course, I was told that I would not have been able to do anything anyway.  Our last conversation was a little after 2 in the afternoon and if I had only known all the things I would have said.  It was a conversation of little stuff and I didn't stay on long as the kids were acting up and I was going to take them for a walk etc.  Little did I know...and my oldest grandson at 13 found his grandfather visitting on the bench outside and called 911 immediately.  I do feel that he did not suffer however as I called the Medical Examiner's office quite a few times.  Thanks for listening.  I work part-time for a scoring company from home and my husband was retired except for his part-time job at a golf course where he also played all the free golf he could get it.  To look at him he was fit and you would say the last person to die of a heart attack.  There is the genetic factor in the family though.  I miss him and love him so much but know I have to move on and build somewhat a new life.  I hope we can all heal together.

browneyedgirl

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Re: A New Member
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2010, 07:11:04 PM »
Hi Mel ~ yes you're responding correctly.

The warm welcome is something that is a staple here at webhealing. 

I am so sorry for what you are going though, the sadness of losing someone can come so quickly and unexpected.

Keep the good memories of your husband at the forefront of your mind. 

Honestly, you sound like you're in a good place mentally despite the awful circumstances. 

And yes, everyone here is together, and we walk this journey together, like a family.

Take care of yourself.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

closs86

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Re: A New Member
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2010, 09:12:46 PM »
Hi Mel
   So sorry for your loss, I also had a sudden unexpected loss my husband was also only 60, in 3 weeks they diagnosed him with pancreatic cancer and he was gone, before that he was perfect walking every day, eating the "right food", and trying to take care of himself,  sorry that your grandson had to find him like that, this is a horrible journey that we have to go through, sometimes i find it almost impossible, today is one of those days.
    Take care of yourself
     Karen

mousewife

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Re: A New Member
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2010, 03:27:54 PM »
Dear Mel,

I am so sorry that you had to lose your husband.  I know it feels unbearable most of the time.

I lost my husband in March of 2007.  He was 50. He was every important role in my life.  I understand your struggle to try and find a new life.  I too struggle with this.  I have completed several difficult things on my own, and for the most part, I have become somewhat comfortable making difficult decisions on my own, but still it can be a strain

I have finally gotten past most of the worst of it, but, still have times of longing for my best friend, or my old life with him.  It still gets sad, but it is much better than it was.

I think we will always miss them and have times when we feel it more, but it does get better.  I hope for you the quickest healing possible.  Is there a widow's ministry close to where you are?  That can help.  There aren't very many, but a few places have them.  On line there are some sites also that have helpful info just for widows.

I haven' t posted for quite a while, but still check in periodically.  I saw your post and felt I had to respond to you.  It is such a hard thing, and we do always feel guilty.  In most cases we shouldn't because we either did the best we could at the time, or, we had no way to see it coming.  I still sometimes do this to myself, but, at this point I am pretty good at telling myself I made the best decisions that I could and did what I thought was best for my sweetheart.  He died from the worst brain cancer a person can have, and it was hard to watch.  We fought it for almost a year, but sometimes you just have to let go and help the one you love have the best death possible.  It takes time to recover from such a thing though.

Sudden deaths are often very hard to deal with.  It sounds like you are doing the best you can.  It just takes time to find that new life.  Longer than we would want.
It will get better.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

poppy

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Re: A New Member
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2010, 06:05:00 PM »
Dear Mel,

I also lost my husband suddenly in April. I find myself questioning everything we did up to the point of his heart attack. Wondering if there was something I could have done to prevent it. I don't think we will ever truly have the answers we are looking for. I worry about my 23 year old daughter who was with him and had CPR administered to him. I worry that he was in pain. I want to give him one last kiss and make sure he knew how much I loved him. We all question, wonder and worry in our journey through this dark valley. This is a safe place to allow those feelings and emotions out and get support from others who are going through similar experiences. I will keep you in my prayers. Poppy