My Dad

[Terry]

My Dad had another stroke and is in the hospital. He doesn't know who I am. He's always known me even with AD. They believe it is temporary, though.

I'm heartbroken. When I arrived at the ER, it was almost too much to bear to see that he was in the same room as Jeff was. This is the third time this has happened. There are 48 rooms in the E.R. Why this same room, over and over again? Having to go through that morning in my mind, again....just too much right now.

I composed myself as long as possible then broke down, openly sobbing and loudly. I could not stop. My Dad's nurse asked what was wrong and I couldn't speak. She then asked if I needed a doctor and I said NO, I need my son. She held me. She cried with me as I was pointing to the room and I told her that my precious boy was in there, not breathing when I got here. I said, please help me!!!

But, as we all know, there is nothing anyone can do.

Missing my baby so very much tonight. Needed to share this. Feeling so sad.

Please keep my precious Daddy in your thoughts or prayers. Thank You.

[falcon]

Aww Terry, my heart so goes out to you , so very sorry for your heartache!Hope your Dad gets better soon , sure understand the same room thing, there r so many things that bring bk our toughest memories.Your right no one can help, but please know I am thinking about you & feeling your pain .Sending love & hugs , Sandy Shanes mom

[Donnys Dad]

Dear Terry.

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's stroke.  I wish him the best of luck and a quick recovery.

As if you hadn't, and are going thru so much you had all those horrible memories of that room to contend with.  I know you need your Son and if only that were possible we would gladly bring him to you.

My thoughts are so with you.

Don

[browneyedgirl]

(((((((Terry))))))))

I am so sorry to read of your father's stroke. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love you,
Pam

[WendyRN]

Thinking of you, Terri, as you struggle to deal with your father's health concerns and the memories, always there but now so "in your face" of your Jeff.  Wishing you calmer days ahead and your dad's return to better health.

Wendy, Keith's mom

[Annie1973]

Dear Terry,
Tanis asked me if it was okay if she read your post over my shoulder, I said "sure" and, as she read, she began to weep. She asked me if maybe your dad was in THAT room because Jeff wanted to be there with him and tell him to get better. Then we lit Dans candle and held hands and concentrated on your Dads brain so he'll get better.
Tanis says she can see why I love you so much, and she wants for you to be ok.

Sending strength and peace,
Annie (Dans mom)
Tanis (Dans daughter)

[Sara D.s mom]

Dear Terry,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad, and your experience in that room.
I cannot imagine what that must have been like for you.

I have not come on this site in quite a while, but I was thinking about you, Terry.

Wishing your Dad a return to better health, and wishing you some comfort and peace.

Love,
Betty
Sara D's mom

[momofwatsonx]

Terry,

I will keep you dad in my prayers.... and also i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers too... I am so sorry for the pain you are going Thu.... it is so unfair, why that room?  I did not get to see my son in a room, he died at the scene, but my neighbor bought a truck identical  to Josh's  I mean it was same year make model color.... everything... and then he parked it in front of my house on side of the street just like Josh's always did.... when i first seen it i ran out to it thinking all this has been a bad dream and Josh was alive..... now after a year of my heart hitting the ground every time i walked out side and seen it.... i know its his (the neighbors) and it pisses me off....why would he get one just like Josh's?      I'm sorry I just don't think its fair that we should have to view these rooms, truck look a likes, things that bring back so much pain...

Terry sending you a big hug...... your in my prayes!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

Oh Terry, I hope and pray your dad will remember you.. that it's only temporary. The same room.. Oh God,,, If I have to go the e.r. I ask for another room and they know me and usually don't have to ask. It brings it all back and it's so horrible. My heart cries with yours Terry. I love you. Bren

[laurenE]

Terry,

So so sorry that this keeps happening to you.  How awful it must be. 
Praying for your dads recover, and lots of love and support for you.

lauren

[browneyedgirl]

Terry ~ please let us know how you and your Dad are doing

[Invalid]

Terry,

My heart goes with you. Life has its own way to rip out the carpet from under our feet and we just have to accept this. Terry I am not a good person as you are and for sure can not express myself in writing as you do. I also do not understand why awful things should keep happening to you. Just hang in there. You are a survivor and must keep being a survivor. Your words always calmed me down and gave me hope and I just hope, cross my heart that soon you find the peace in your beautiful heart.
Just know that I’m thinking of you and feel you in my heart.

Mansour

[Terry]

An update on Dad: He does not and probably will not know who I am in the future. That magical and at times, mythical 'time period' has passed where the thick brush he had been wandering in is no longer and he has emerged into an imaginary clearing where others 'do' exist but their names are not familiar. He looks at me with fear and anxiety, though he 'senses' something familiar and my touch and kisses are calming to him at certain times.

He requires 24/7 care and is back home with a full staff of nurses qualified in AD. I remain grateful that he is still here with me, for me to touch, to hug, to kiss...to call Daddy.

Today, July 20th marks 34 years that my Mother has been gone. She is all he has been talking about, though it's difficult to understand the words he tries so hard for us to hear. Before his stroke, he hadn't mentioned my Mother in years.
The workings of the human mind is so complex and just amazing. AD is such a devastating disease.

These messages mean so much to me...(Big Sigh and Big Smile) and you all mean so much to me. Thank You!

To sign on and read these has brought me out of an awful place, such a lonely place and I hear so often that others say that they have 'nothing to offer in the way of comfort.' Don't ever underestimate the power that your words have. Even sending a HUG is so uplifting. Again, I appreciate you all!

Getting older and getting sick is something we all know is inevitable. It's the pain we can never prepare for. It's the price we pay for love. And, it's such a steep price. But, given the choice to 'not' love to escape this pain, I believe we would all make the choice to continue to love, deeply and unconditionally.

If time allowed it, I would respond to every message but because it doesn't right now, today, I just want to say...Thanks to sweet Tanis and a big hug from me, please Annie.

Mansour, you're so open and loving and caring and 'my' hope for you is that you will find love again, with someone who will appreciate what you have to offer, and it's a great deal. Thank you. It really is all about love.

I've missed you, Betty and always think of you and your precious Sara.

((((((((((((Sandy, Don, Pam, Wendy, Annie & Tanis, Betty, Virgie, Brenda, Lauren, Mansour))))))))))))

I love you guys!
Terry

[Landons Mom Shelly]

(((((Terry)))).

I haven't checked in here in awhile and I was so shocked to read your post.  I wish all of us could be with you there, to give you a great big hug, you've given so much comfort to all of us, I just wish there was more we could do for you right now.

It must've been terrible, of all rooms, why did they have pick that same room where you last saw your precious Jeff....I can only imagine your complete panic.  I'm glad you Dad is home for now, but it must break your heart the condition he is in.  My Dad is 84 this year and is bedridden, has had several strokes, has emphysemia, and it breaks my heart to see him how he is.....not the Daddy that raised me or cared for our family.  My sister works so hard to care for him, she deserves a gold medal for all the work she's done to keep him comfortable.

Please keep us posted dear friend and know that we're all here keeping you in our thoughts & prayers.  Take care of yourself and know that Jeff is watching over you too!!


Love,

[browneyedgirl]

Dear Terry ~ thank you so much for letting us know how your Dad is doing. 

I read your post with tears in my eyes.

Please know that I believe that all of your loved ones are smiling on you now.

Please know that I am thinking of you, your father, your mother, your Jeff. 

You are truly a blessing, and I love you.

Love,
Pam