Author Topic: My girl  (Read 11008 times)

SARAH()

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Re: My girl
« Reply #15 on: June 15, 2010, 11:32:33 AM »
Our marriage weathered the loss just fine.  That is not to say there were not issues -- the first one being that my husband was too distressed himself to be my main source of support, and of course as the cliche goes we grieved differently.  I cannot express enough the importance for us of getting my grieving support from other sources.  Once I did that, I had more to put into my marriage.

To this day, I deeply appreciate all my husband did that first hard year -- working hard, paying the bills, keeping the house going, keeping our surviving child going.  So he didn't hold my hand every night and listen to me cry about how much I missed them.  It helped him to be distracted with other things. That is OK, others did that.  He did all the practical things I didn't have the strength to.

Now, we are closer than ever.  Appreciate each other for who you are and what you ARE doing to keep yourselves going.  Tell each other what you appreciate.  If he's not doing something you need, and you can find other source to fill that spot for a while, consider forgiving him and doing so.   Your marriage is not over.  Really.

Hope it helps.  I know I felt lost without my "best friend" those early days.

Kathy

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Re: My girl
« Reply #16 on: June 15, 2010, 02:26:08 PM »
Dear Hannah's Mom,

I am so sorry about the lost of your Hannah. It has been 5 years since my 16 year old son was killed in a car accident. This website, counseling, Compassionate Friends, family and friends have helped me make it this far.
Grief is hard work. It starts before you get out of the bed in the morning and sometimes its even in your dreams at night.

Wendy's post also explaines how my life is now (thank you Wendy).

My husband and I grieve differently. I guess in some ways I am futher along on this journey than he is. At least that is the way I feel today.

Please share more about Hannah when you are able.

Kathy-Don's Mom

martc70

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Re: My girl
« Reply #17 on: June 16, 2010, 11:42:09 AM »
Tomorrow Hannah will be gone 5 mths.  I held her for the last time as the breath left her body. :(  We could have kept her on life support.  We decided against it.  Sometimes I wonder if I should have.  It felt too selfish of me to keep her like that at the time but I'm not sure.  I would give anything just to crawl up in the bed with her right now. 

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: My girl
« Reply #18 on: June 16, 2010, 12:10:58 PM »
How very beautiful your Hannah is!

Thank you so much for posting her picture!

((((((((Hannah's Momma))))))))

martc70

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Re: My girl
« Reply #19 on: June 17, 2010, 06:54:50 PM »
Today Hannah has been gone 5 months.

martc70

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Re: My girl
« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2010, 11:17:54 AM »
Hannah was born three months early.  She weighed a pound and 7 ounces when she was born and spent 96 days in neonatal intensive care.  We brought her home at 3 mths of age weighing 4 pounds and 7 ounces.  She was beautiful and a fighter from the beginning.  I remember promising her she could have all my dolls if she'd just make it out of there.  She never cared for dolls much.  At 7 mths of age she had her first seizure.  She was developmentally on target until she turned around 3.  She had her first status seizure at 3 yrs of age.  She was then put on topomax which controlled her seizures wonderfully but made her a zombie.  She was seizure free two years when we made the decision to remove her from the drug to see if we could maintain control.  She began talking, playing, interacting.  She just came alive.  She had her second status seizure after being off the topomax for nearly 6 mths.  This one was 2 1/2 hours long and we were care flighted to a children's hospital where she was put in pediatric intensive care.  She came out of it o.k. which was a miracle.  We went home on new drugs and hopes that they would work.  She began having new types of seizures.  complex partials and absense.  These were almost daily.  She would only have tonic clonics around every 4 to 6 mths but they'd be status ones and we'd have another careflight.  She always came out of them o.k.  We did this 12 times in two years.  Through all of this Hannah was doing amazingly developmentally.  She was so much fun and seemed to really be enjoying life.  I know I was enjoying her so much.  In January of 2010 she had the final status seizure that took her life.  She didn't come out of this one o.k.  She never recovered.  We had to make the decision to remove her from life support.  We were all in shock.  She'd always fought and won and that's what we were expecting.  I'm still in shock I think.  It wasn't supposed to be this way.  The very first time we saw a neurologist he told me to my face that you cannot die from a seizure.  I would love to take him to her grave today so he'd never tell another family that.  I miss my girl so bad.  She was only 8 yrs old.  She may have had autism and DRAVET syndrome(severe form of epilepsy) but she loved living and did it to the fullest every day.

Terry

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Re: My girl
« Reply #21 on: June 23, 2010, 09:48:05 PM »
((((( martc )))))

Thank you for sharing Hannah's story with us. She's so beautiful. She sounded like quite the fighter with such a strong spirit. Reading this and hearing of your struggles brought tears. I understand watching someone you love more than your own life drifting away day by day and it is such a helpless feeling. My Michelle was also a fighter and a very happy child, as Hannah was, loving life so! I know they are together.

Her spirit lives on. She is always with you. I believe that. And, it has always brought me comfort in this knowing.

Sending you the biggest hug  ((((((((martc))))))))
and My love,
Terry


falcon

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Re: My girl
« Reply #22 on: June 24, 2010, 04:38:49 AM »
So sorry to read of your beautiful Hannah & by beautiful i mean she is absolutly beautiful!!!!!!!! I dont want to be one to bring you down , but i have found this road a very rough one. It was 3 yrs last week & Shane was my only child its been & is tough.I lost all my family, they could not deal with me , my husband left after 2 yrs , too much drama in my life duh??????? He started divorce proceeding this week, lost my parents who were both MY BEST & GREATEST SUPPORT , 16 days apart last month so ALONE!!!!bUT I GUESS WE FIND SOME WAY TO SURVIVE & BREATH.lI LIVED WITH MY DAD & CARED FOR HIM THRU HIS CANCER FOR HIS LAST 9 MONTHS OF LIFE , SO ITS REALLY A CHANGE NOW TO COME HOME ALONE. MOVED IN WITH MY MOTHER AFTER THAT SHE ONLY LASTED 16 DAYS THOU. I DO HAVE MY OWN GREAT BIG LONLY HOUSE I RAN BK & FORTH TOO IN BETWEEN. Now its so so very lonly . So thinking about you & your beautiful HANNAH, MAY YOU FIND SOME PEACE & COMFORT HERE , I LOST THIS SITE 4 ABOUT A YEAR , FINALLY TOM & TERRY GOD LOVE THEM GOT ME BK ON . PLEASE STAY HERE , WRITE & SHARE THAT TRULY DOES HELP. WE ALL UNDERSTAND , SENDING YOU LOVE PEACE STRENGTH & COUAGE LOVE YOU