I'm so very sorry for the loss of your little Hannah. In the beginning we are so consumed every second of every day with our loss, wondering how we can face a tomorrow without them and often begging for release. Gradually, a few seconds of peace will stretch into a few minutes and so on. Be very patient with yourself. Read some of the stories posted here and contribute if you want or feel you can. Express your thoughts in whatever venue suits you best (family or friends, therapy, journalling.)
There is a lot of pain and heartache here but also wisdom passed along from others that have experienced the same unbelievable loss you are now trying to comprehend. We are mothers and fathers who have lost our children under many different circumstances, some very young and some well into adulthood, but the pain......the pain is the same. The loss indescribable to someone who has not experienced it. There just is no understanding.
My oldest (special needs) child, Scott, passed away at 4 1/2 years after living with a profound seizure condition since his very difficult birth. He would have been 31 years old now. The sadness and love have never diminished in all these years but we learned to live with missing him. As my youngest 3 children grew and went through their teenage years and began to become independent from me, when I worried about their safety, I always felt, deep down, that we had already been dealt the worst life could dish out. Then lightening struck twice and my youngest child, Keith, was killed at 21 years old during a camping trip with friends. An atv accident. In August it will be 3 years without him and his loss has settled on my shoulders like a weight that never leaves. It is Keith's loss that brings me to this site (no internest 31 years ago!) I do find the pain more bearable now. I no longer beg the Heavens to keep me from waking up in the morning. I know where I belong. I socialize (a little), I look after my home (pretty much), I hold a fulltime job, I am seeing that life goes on (even when I can't take part). I put one foot in front of the other (most days).
So, for me, your question "does it get better?" The initial intensity will ease and settle into something you learn to live with. Some moments or days will knock you backward to the day of loss but somehow we find the strength to take Judy's deep breaths and baby steps again. Happiness and joy are elusive to me yet. Too soon. But I have my moments of relative "normalcy" where I can enjoy a dinner with friends or laugh while watching a comedy on tv. So far that's the best I can do....but I have come a long, long way. Be gentle with yourself.
Wendy, Keith's mom (and Scott, Holly and Wade)