Author Topic: Still Asking Why  (Read 41245 times)

closs86

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #90 on: July 27, 2010, 07:58:37 PM »
Hi Jannie,
       Was off today, did a lot of work in the basement, throwing stuff out, got a little crazy down there, went to the counselor, she seems real nice and compassionate, hopefully she can help me through this.  I have work tomorrow, so I better get ready for bed.  I miss Johnny so much, how do we get through this, I don't understand.
take care
Hugs
Karen

Jannie

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #91 on: July 28, 2010, 04:57:57 PM »
Hi Karen,

Glad to hear that you are having some luck with the grief counselor.  It's good to be able to talk to someone who can be objective and compassionate.  I am looking forward to returning to my support group in the fall, although I may have to attend a different one since my work schedule conflicts with their meeting time.

Yesterday my brother and sister-in-law drove down, and I met them for lunch at their favorite seafood restaurant in Point Pleasant.  I always enjoy seeing them--they are good people and are talking about moving to the shore.  I hope I can convince them--it would be nice for me to have them here.

I worked today from 2 till 7.  I am done now until Monday.  I am supposed to be meeting some friends of mine for dinner tomorrow night, so that will be nice too.  I'm trying.

Good that you got all that work done!  I have no ambition for housecleaning, especially with this heat.  All I do when I have free time is go to the pool.  I really love it, and the season is so short, so I want to take advantage of it while I can. 

Well, I'd better get moving--it's almost 8:00, and I haven't had dinner yet.  Wishing you and everyone a good evening and the strength to survive and to make it through this terrible time in our lives.

Hugs to all,
Jannie

closs86

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #92 on: July 28, 2010, 06:22:53 PM »
Hi Jannie,
     It is good that you are finished for the week already, you have a nice long time off, go to the pool, you are right, it is over so quick, enjoy it. and besides it is good for you to talk to people.
     It would be nice if your relatives move closer to you, my sons are trying to get me to move to n j, but i am not ready to make any big changes yet, one thing at a time.
     I just ate dinner myself, it is hard when you get home after 7, and have to take care of the animals, they want to eat first.
     I wasn't really planning on cleaning, I think it was a burst of crazy energy, I really overdid it.
Take care
Hugs
Karen

Jannie

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #93 on: August 01, 2010, 03:53:17 PM »
Good evening to all,

I haven't posted in a few days--nothing much new to say or add.  Just trying to live this "new" life that I have been forced into once again.

So sad, trying to adjust, and my friends are trying to be very supportive, but they have no idea what this life is like.  There is so much going on here in my community, and I cannot bring myself to participate.   I know I probably should, but it is too hard to do right now.

Work tomorrow, and I actually look forward to it after 4 days off.  Keeps my mind off of myself and my grief.

A good evening to everyone and the hope for better days ahead.

Jannie

closs86

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #94 on: August 02, 2010, 09:20:31 PM »
Hi Jannie,
    Having a real bad day today, feel so depressed and missing him so much, my kids were over this weekend so I was busy all weekend, today i just crashed, and feel really bad, also 4 months is approaching, maybe that is it, i don't know. I just want to run away tonight, but there is nowhere to run.
Take care
Karen

Jannie

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #95 on: August 03, 2010, 06:31:39 PM »
Evening all,

Not much to say lately.

I had a slight meltdown at the pool today.  It was a quiet afternoon, not many people there today although the weather
was just beautiful.  When my friend Sandy left to go home, I sat with a woman I know a little.  We started to talk, and she asked me about Charlie and the circumstances of his sudden illness and death.  She was so nice and talked about how handsome and healthy he always looked and how it was so nice that we had found each other.  I just broke down and started crying.  There was really no one around at this point, and I felt comfortable talking to her.  She was so sweet and just listened and didn't try to say "you need to move on, or get over it" or anything like that.  I came home and had a little crying episode for a while, but I am over it now. 

Work again tomorrow--a good thing for me.  It brings some regimen to my life, and it is good to be out and away from my home and myself for the hours that I work.

Karen, you are right--there is nowhere to run to.  Nothing fills the gap left behind by our loved ones, I know, but we must try to move on for them and ultimately for ourselves as well.  We cannot bring them back, and we cannot live in their world wherever they are.  I miss Charlie so much, but I know that he is not coming back, and nothing can change that.  I know from past experience that I either have to move forward and find some reason to go on or become a miserable, sad, and bitter human being.  I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life that way.

Wishing you all peace tonight,

Jannie


closs86

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #96 on: August 03, 2010, 08:40:14 PM »
Hi Jannie,
  You are right work is good for us right now, I can't believe that i actually look forward to work, never dreamt that i would look forward to work but like you say it is regimented, and good for me,  It is nice that you have a pool right where you live and there is always someone there to talk to, sounds like a nice place.
   I am pretty tired tonight, Jay leno is on now, but I better start getting to sleep, I have been staying up till 2ish, i don't want to get in a habit of staying up that late.
have a good day tomorrow,
hugs
karen

Jannie

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #97 on: August 07, 2010, 01:59:27 PM »
Hi all,

Not much to say lately, same old, same old.  I have been spending a lot of time at our pool and sitting with friends, old and new.  It's good to get out of here in the afternoons and have people to talk to.  If nothing else, I am getting a nice tan. The "group" keeps trying to get me to do things with them, and I have agreed to go on a bus trip and a concert in early October.

Today was a so/so day--weather was "iffy", and I decided to stay home from the pool and try and get some things done around the house.  It was a bad idea-- although I got a few things done, I find that I go down fast when I stay in all day by myself. 

I am so sad, Charlie was my life, my hope, my future, and now there is nothing but this emptiness and lonely life without him.  Some days I feel like I will be okay, but most days I don't even have the will to get dressed and get myself moving--for what, I ask myself?  I am just existing with no real purpose in my life.  Some days I feel like I am a hundred years old.

I wish I had something to add to make things better for all of us, but I do not.  It is good to come here to read and to post, but in the long run, we are all in this hell together, and we must all make this journey by ourselves.

Wishing you all some peace in your lives,

Jannie




toprngr

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Re: Still Asking Why
« Reply #98 on: August 19, 2010, 05:51:01 AM »
I am truly sorry for the tragic incident that took away your husbandís life. In fact, you did a right decision to come back here to have us talk with you. I understand the broken heart of yours and I do feel for you. Accepting the fact that someone close to you had pass away isnít easy. But looking at your situation now, the man that you love and that loved you as well, doesnít want you to be like this, his heart will be broken too, you need to stay strong, and live the life that he wanted you to have, which is to be happy.
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