Author Topic: New here - lost my brother two years ago  (Read 3846 times)

Tigerlily

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New here - lost my brother two years ago
« on: March 29, 2010, 05:53:58 PM »
He was 52, strong, healthy, loving, my only brother, my only sibling.  He went into the hospital for a "routine" (HAH!) procedure on his brain to try to block off his AVM.  After the procedure, the AVM exploded in his head.  He did not die, but we lost him then just the same.  He had surgery to relieve the pressure but he remained comatose, but was not brain-dead.  We were told that if we kept him alive with feeding tubes that he would have the cognitive ability of an infant.  Can you imagine a life like that?  He would be in a nursing home requiring care 24/7, for all functions.  He would not know us, he would have no ability to understand language or to express himself.  He would have no memories. 

After 10 days of this, we decided together as a family that we needed to let him die in dignity.  We removed life support, being told it would take several days for him to die.  The next morning we got the call.  He died alone.

I am now the only surviving child.  My parents won't talk about him, and I NEEEEEEEED to talk about him.  I need to remember him, to tells stories, to laugh and to cry.  I never mention it to my friends, and they never ever ask me how I'm doing.  I feel like a forgotten mourner, lost in the shuffle.  My parents got hundreds of sympathy cards - I got 12. 

He was my brother.  I worshipped the ground on which he walked.  I'll never know if letting him go was right or wrong.  Some day when I see him again I'll know.  Until then I wrestle with the guilt and the confusion.

Reading some of the other stories here made me cry, but not in a bad way.  It makes me feel much less alone, that someone really does know what its like to lose a close brother, the agony and guilt of removing life support when he was not brain dead. 

Some days I am ok, other days not.  I keep waiting for "it" to get better and for me to "get over it" (whatever that means).  I just want to talk to someone about him, to remember and not forget him.

Thank you for listening to me. 

Tigerlily in Minnesota

Luvinmike

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Re: New here - lost my brother two years ago
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2010, 06:16:31 PM »
Dear Tigerlily;
     I am sorry for the unexpected loss of your dear brother. I agree that talking about him will help a little bit- so please return here and tell us about your brother if you can. I am sorry for the pain and confusion, wishing you a moment of peace and rest in this. Thinking of you.
Terri

browneyedgirl

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Re: New here - lost my brother two years ago
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2010, 10:19:56 AM »
Tigerlily ~ Welcome to Webhealing.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother.  I, too, lost my brother.  I am sorry for the pain that invades your heart.

There are many people here that will offer you a supportive kind word when you need it.  And sometimes it helps to know that the way you're feeling, you're not alone.  You are never alone, here. 

Please return and tell us more about your brother, and share with us.

Please be patient with yourself and the amount of time it will take for your pain to ease.  I don't believe that any of use will ever truly get over losing that loved one, but perhaps your heart will start to mend. I have said consistantly, greif is unique as each of us.  Don't put a time limit on yourself.....

Take care and one day at a time.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Jorere

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Re: New here - lost my brother two years ago
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2010, 03:02:57 PM »
I lost my brother 2 and half years ago.  Feels like yesterday.  At my house on Monday morning eating breakfast asking what was for supper, left to go to work and they called us at 2pm and he was dead.

Then we found out it was drug related.  New he was using but not to the point of death.  Tough to accept.  The guilt of not seeing it and trying to help him is eating me alive

browneyedgirl

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Re: New here - lost my brother two years ago
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2010, 04:06:05 PM »
Hello Jorere ~ I am so sorry for the loss of your brother....I, too, lost my brother. 

My brother died of an accidental pill overdose, he had a few other problems with substances, as well.  I can really relate to trying to help him, the guilt is the worst.....but, and I know this sounds harsh, but I came to the realization that you can not help someone if you don't know how bad the problem got...we had no idea how bad it has gotten with Tony until it was too late. And you also can not help someone if they don't want to help themselves. 

Take care of yourself.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

laurenE

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Re: New here - lost my brother two years ago
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2010, 05:05:43 AM »
Jorere,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother.  I hope you are finding us supportive.  Please let us know how you are doing.

Tigerlilly,

Please let us know how you are doing. I am so sorry for your loss and would love to know how you have been.

lauren