Hi Gail,
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now and I understand. When I was in a scary place I would come onto the child loss forum and just write, write and write some more. I still keep a journal everyday. Have you started a journal?
The pain will ease but I don't think it ever goes away. It becomes 'different' where we can tolerate it and still continue to function. Then, in time we can talk about them and share funny memories. But, it takes time and patience.
Just know that you are not alone and keep posting!
(((((((((Gail)))))))))
My love,
Terry