Author Topic: Widow & single mother  (Read 2783 times)

widow @ 40

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Widow & single mother
« on: June 04, 2010, 10:50:28 PM »
hello everyone,
I've read many of the sad stories on here and feel like I'm reading about myself.  I lost my husband, Keith, suddenly and unexpectedly on Jan 2/10, he was only 40 years old.  He was fine when we first got up, but shortly after he started to feel shortness of breath.  I took him to the hospital a couple of minutes away.  I will never forget the look of terror in his face when we were in the car - he was sweating and crying and looked terrified.  I told him it was going to be OK. I dropped him off in front of the emergency room doors and he ran inside while I went to park the car.  When I got inside he had collapsed in front of the emergency reception, they quickly took him inside the ER.  Within a few minutes a nurse was telling me that my husband was very sick and that I needed to call someone to be with me.  She told me I had to go in and tell him I loved him.  Shortly after my brother arrived and I was told that my husband was dead.  I didn't understand how this could happen, he was seemingly so healthy.  This all happened in under an hour.  My life turned upside down in the blink of an eye.  Then I had to go home and tell our daughters (5 & 7 years old) that their dad was dead.  My heart breaks for my girls and all they have lost.  I relive that day over and over in the hopes of trying to understand why and how this could happen.  I wonder what was going through his mind.  Did he know he was going to die? Did he hear me tell him I loved him and that his girls loved him?  Although it's been 5 months, I don't feel like I've gotten very far down this road of grief. I can’t get used to my new titles of “widow” and “single mother”; this is not how I wanted to raise my children. I feel very lonely.  I have friends who want to help but they just don’t understand the range of emotions and how very difficult it is to learn to live a new life without someone so important.  Reading all the stories on here has helped me to feel a little less alone and that there are people who can relate to the despair and raw pain I continue to feel.   Thanks you all for sharing your stories and your pain.

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Widow & single mother
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2010, 11:27:07 PM »
Hi and welcome to web healing.

Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so sorry that your dear husband, Keith has died. How terrifying for you, the ride to the ER and the events that took place so quickly after. You have my heart. You truly do.

All here have suffered devastating losses and I know that you will find comfort and caring here.

I'm also holding your precious little girls close, having to live without their Daddy. So sad. It's only been 5 months since Keith died, although there are times it must feel like a lifetime, too.

I'm sure he heard you when you told him that you loved him and I know that he knew it and being with him had to bring him comfort, even in his last hours.

Take care of "you" right now, and your heart.
Much love,
Terry

leo

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Re: Widow & single mother
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2010, 06:08:21 AM »
Hello widow @40,
It is so very sad to read your heartbreaking story and I am so sorry for your loss...I wish there was something  that I could say to you help ease your pain...it is 85 days today since I lost the love of my life...my wife had breast cancer...my heart was ripped from me that day and I feel as if I continue to get worse in sadness and pain...so much of the time I am having difficulty in coping with my situation...I had almost 33 years of being privileged to be with such a beautiful, caring, kind, wonderful and loving woman...our love grew everyday and we were as one and did everything together...I miss her so much and I know that my life has eroded to a raw core of constant sadness and pain...we know a lot of people in our community but no one really understands...the grief that I exhibit is too strong and so very difficult for them to face or handle...so I stay to myself...she was loved by all for so many beneficial qualities...how much the world has lost with the passing of the loved ones on this site...we will never know what we the world has missed...
There are no words, no answers and it is so unfortunate that life is so cruel and unfair...I know that I could continue with more words but the conclusion is always the same for me...I have lost my love forever...
wishing that someday you will find that your pain has eased a bit...you have your young daughters that need you...we had no children or close friends...we were each others best friend and confidant...I have no one close and must walk this lonely road alone...
She loved to work in her garden and I have been trying to keep things going for her...I talk to her there...cry there...remember there...I get tears in my eyes now when I recollect...I take pictures of some of the flowers periodically and post them on a site that I made...if you ever feel up to looking at them I have included the URL here:

http://www.photoshop.com/user/fiorigiardino/?rlang=en_US&wf=shareslideshow&galleryid=cf8011b0be9643c7b58568f780920519&trackingid=BTAGC


wishing you and your daughters something better in life...again I am so sorry...

Leo

to young to be a widow

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Re: Widow & single mother
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2010, 10:19:59 AM »
i am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband--the pain we all share on this site is genuine--for only we know our pain and it is different for all of us--for i too lost my wonderful husband unexpectly and wish i could just start that day over by doing things right--i still blame myself for not calling the ambulance sooner and for  other things i did wrong that day--i have to face this awful world alone now--for our only child we were able have died 2 hours after his birth--you have your precious daughters to care for--and i hoe that they will be able to bring you some peace with your grieving

to young to be a widow
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

laurenE

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Re: Widow & single mother
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2010, 05:41:51 PM »
Widow @ 40,

My heart aches for you and your little girls.  I am so so sorry that life has been so unfair to you.  How scarey that must have been.   I hope you find comfort here and even possibly in a grief support group in your area or good friends or family to help lift you up on the days when you struggle.  Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. 

I hope you continue to come here for support and friendship.

lauren

jaxsaint

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Re: Widow & single mother
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2010, 05:48:44 PM »
Widow @40,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm 31, and my life was changed in an instant too.  My husband was killed by a drunk driver.  I repeat the days leading up to the accident, and that day all the time.  The terror, the hope, and now the emptiness.  It'll be three months this Saturday.  I still can't believe it's real.  I'm sorry we never got to have children, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you.  We wake up, and in many ways that is the tortuous part.  I was just adjusting to a knew name and the title "wife," now it's "widow."  I often feel the injustice of life.  One minute your life means one thing and then within seconds everything changes.  It seems to get harder every day.  If you ever need, just post.  My thoughts are with you.

Jackie