Author Topic: Hugh Lump  (Read 2485 times)

Rebecca

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Hugh Lump
« on: June 05, 2010, 04:08:24 AM »
This is really the only place where I can unload my feelings.  Sure I talk to my husband but it doesn't seem to come out the same way.  Today we are going into Chic to see our daughter and her husband's uncle and aunt.  We are friendly with them so we will have a good time.  While I say this over and over, I know Jason would never have come in with us... just knowing that he was either at his home... or on the road with friends or working or whatever was complete.  I guess what I am saying is that I am never complete.  The more people say in general just rubs me the wrong way and I just keep my mouth shut but the bile in my throat just keeps growing.  I just want to cry and in a group I keep that at bay as well.  My reason for saying I am selfish in a prior post is that I do have my daughter and there are many parents our their who have lost their only child and how dare I not embrace all of my good fortune with her, because so many others don't have that option.  I read here every day but don't want to write the same, same stuff.  I miss not seeing my compadres who joined this painful lot about the same time I did, but I bet they feel like I do.  What can I say that hasn't been said before without scaring others away.  But I will end by saying without Web Healing, I don't know how much lower I could be.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

Motherof3

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Re: Hugh Lump
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2010, 04:59:01 AM »
I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. I don't know if it matters if you have 1 child or 10. You lose one and it is the same hurt!!! Today marks 4 months[Feb. 5th] for me when I lost my youngest... my baby Rachel!!Woke up crying and missing her so much!!! We will never be complete again with 1 of our children gone but I guess we learn to accept it and time heals . So I am told anyway. The way I feel today and everyday for that matter it doesn't seem possible!! Our lives have forever been changed!!While we do have other children,it's still the time and moments that we will never get to share with our angel child ever again that makes us hurt so much!!I think about all the time and things Rachel will miss seeing her daughter Kaylee as she grows up and it just breaks my heart!
  If tears could build stairway and memories a lane. I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring You home again. Rachel will always be in My Heart. Sleep with the angels baby girl!

Jeanneb

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Re: Hugh Lump
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2010, 05:46:01 AM »
Rebecca,

Here is something I found posted by another mom... I  think it is beautiful and sums things up pretty well...at least for me:

"I have a different life, the life of a grieving mother. Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once. She lo...ves her surviving children with a passion. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity"

On my journey I have come to a place where I have learned to accomodate this new life... don't always like it but I can't change it... it is what it is.  So I have my moments and now I know they will pass and I just keep moving forward the best I can and try to find joy and happiness along the way. 

Just because we might have other children doesn't EVER replace the ones we lost.  With that being said, we have a different relationship with each of our children just as they each have a different relationship with their parents.  My advice is when you are with your daughter just try and really be with her as much as you can and look to make those new memories.

Wishing you peace,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

Kathy

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Re: Hugh Lump
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2010, 08:34:20 AM »
Dear Jeanne,

Thank you for your post. It also sums up my life as it is now. I do sometimes have to tell myself to be in the moment when I am with my surviving son.

Rebecca, I hope you have a lovely visit with your daughter.

Love,
Kathy-Don's Mom

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Hugh Lump
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2010, 12:11:43 PM »
Jeanne,

Great post !!!! Thanks.

So true no matter what I am doing I am ALWAYS missing Tammie. She was my only so my world is really EMPTY without all the laughs, cries, fun, help, energy, strength she was all of that and more.

Hugs,
Dottie

Dena

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Re: Hugh Lump
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2010, 05:18:52 AM »
(((Rebecca)))

I totally understand what you are saying.  I shared this poem a while back, and it will always ring true:

A Pair of Shoes~Author Unknown


I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world.

Some woman/men are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman/man deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman/man.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman/man who has lost a child.

 
Love
Dena, Josh's Mom