Ron:
I'm so sorry to hear of your sad loss, my thoughts are with you. I too wanted to die when I lost my wife after 38 years together. She passed away 2 years ago next June 6 and I'm still trying to make sense of the world. While it's still painful and powerfully debilitating, somehow it is not so raw. I think you have to be patient with yourself, time will make adjustments for you. You have to want to carry on. That for me was the hardest part, after Heather went there seemed to be little left. I'm lucky I have two wonderful grown-up kids and great friends, but this site was a major support for me, many times it pulled me back from the brink of losing it completely. Keep posting, it will remind you that you're not alone and enable others to try to reach out and help with advice where they can.
Take care,
Pete (UK)