Author Topic: Just plain tired  (Read 1634 times)

Rebecca

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Just plain tired
« on: May 18, 2010, 05:06:46 AM »
I have been doing a lot more crying lately and my body is just plain tired.  We are going away this weekend to meet the wife of a friend of Jason's from years ago and his twins.  There will be Jason stories, explanation of pictures, etc.  I am already in fear.  So why go?  I ask myself that all the time.  My husband does not want to go but is going for me.  Do you think, we abuse ourselves, our bodies, our minds, for a reason?  That the abuse takes away pain.  I am talking mentally, not by physically hurting ourselves.  I don't do any of that, like cutting.  I just feel tired and I want the pain to go away but I know it won't.  Somedays are good.  When we see our daughter and have fun with her... so it is not doom and gloom all the time but when it hits, it is like a tornedo.  Just some thoughts b4 work.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

Annette

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Re: Just plain tired
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2010, 08:20:56 PM »
My Dear Rebecca,

I know that for me, grief is exhausting. Be as kind to yourself as you can and get as much rest as you can.

I know how hard it is to do what you're doing. I'm too afraid to meet with a group of my son's friends for the same reason. They were with him the night he died. I have no advice for you, but I've backed out twice on meeting with them. I told them that someday it might not hurt so much and then I will. I'm sorry if they don't understand, but it's my heart that's broken and it's all I can do.

Be kind to yourself.

Love,
Annette
Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3

lwuest

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Re: Just plain tired
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2010, 08:28:29 PM »
Hi Rebecca,

I don't have an answer for you but I just wanted to let you know I feel like you do"just soooo tired".  Thanks for having the courage to post that line.  Lots of times we put on our happy faces.  Many times it works, but sometimes we just get soooooo tired!

Only you can decide if a visit with Jason's friend will be a healthy one for you.  maybe this time you could think of it as a time Jason's friend wants to share with you all of the special times and memories he has of spending with Jason?  I know that when Stevie B's best friend shares memories with me I discover a part of him I didn't know about.  I also know it is hurtful because Stevie B's friend has continued to move on and he has a wife and kids.  So, it's a double edged sword.  Sometimes I carefully embrace it, sometimes I  swiftly run away from it.

I'm thinking you might find a special nugget of info about Jason that you didn't have before.  Whatever you decide to do is Ok.  Please let us know how it turns out.

Donna Eggers

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Re: Just plain tired
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2010, 09:35:27 PM »
Rebecca I don't know if you remember me or not but you and I came to this board about the same time.  We both lost Jasons and oh how I can relate to what you are feeling.  I too have a daughter who has blessed me with 2 beautiful grandsons and we have wonderful times with each other but their's always that persistant pain and questions of what if, where would they be today would they be married, have children,my Jason would have been 30 years old on April 29th and I find myself asking the same questions over and over again and always asking WHY I know you will be able to get through your trip because we do have an inner strength way down that we seem to draw on in times that we really have to.  My thoughts and prayers are with you
ONE DAY ONE MOMENT ONE BREATHE AT A TIME!!

Barbara

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Re: Just plain tired
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2010, 11:58:35 AM »
((((Rebecca)))) In the past, nearly, 2 years I have learned this life now live is an emotional rollercoaster. And just when I think I am doing "ok", it hit's me square in the face,,,my baby isn't coming back......A friend of mine who had 2 daughters taken away from her by a drunk driver told me that her family felt she wasn't moving on. She says she functions and finds moments of joy in her life. I told her that I didn't think anyone could ask any more from us than that. For me...seeing Patrick's friends, although painful, is a thread of connection to him. I am grateful to know that he is remembered by them. It is my greatest fear that he will be forgotten....No matter how busy we get in life we, who have lost our babies, think about them continually, where as others get busy with life and think about them when their name is brought up or they see or hear something that reminds them. We on the other hand don't need reminding. It is with us from the moment we wake in the morning to the time we go to sleep at night and even then in our dreams at times. We do what we have to do to get through the day....Hugs to you Rebecca and all of my friends in grief....It is only those who walk in our shoes who could possibly understand.