Author Topic: The end of the road  (Read 4845 times)

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The end of the road
« on: May 18, 2010, 01:53:22 AM »

 I've reached the end of the road. I can't take this any more. These emotions are Tearing my soul apart every minute. Whole my life I was living a stupid dream. The dream of finding some one, loving her and living with her for the rest of my life. I never thought otherwise. It didn't matter how difficult or bumpy my relationship was. I had to keep it at any cost. People call it the comfort zone and advising me to come out of there. But this is meaningles. That was the only life I had and I will. I feel remorse and betreyed. I can't believe somebody can be so cruel. I hate myself so deepl that I can't take it. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. There has never been any light there. It was my mistake to believe in something that doesn't exist. I can't blame anyone except myself. My whole life is a big mistake and I don't see any reason to continue. I've left a letter for my family to ease their pain. there is nothing more I can do. I left the address of this website with my login information so they can understand how sad I was and how hopeles I felt. I don't believe in anyhing any more. I just know that I deserve to die. I always thought I was a good person but now I know I wasn't, otherwise she wouldn't leave me. I must have been so horrible but I didn't know that. God knows I didn't know that. But now I won't be doing this to anyone. I hope I find peace in death, the peace that I never felt in my life.

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: The end of the road
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2010, 06:42:59 AM »
Good Morning, Mansour,

I just read your post and it sounds as if you won't be posting on the board but I do hope you will at least read this today. I am a survivor of suicide and I am just asking that you wait. Wait until you have exhausted other resources. you don't have to wait for yourself, but for now and this day just do it for your family.

Sometimes, we just can't seem to find the reason to do anything for ourselves but it is the love from others that fill our hearts and shine a light for us to see when we're in that very dark and very scary place.

Love hurts. Life hurts. It all hurts. You came here to this board for a reason and I believe it was to seek comfort and there is comfort here. Keep telling us your story. Keep sharing your feelings.

If you cannot do this alone, and I can understand that...please seek help at either a local hospital or just call 911 and they will help you.

I know you've heard the old and worn out cliche that "Life is a Gift"...and after living in and through it through the worst of circumstances, I can tell you that it is not only a cliche, though it does get weary especially if we feel life dealt us out.

Is it always fair? No! And after burying 3 of my children and most of my family and lost in love, also...I want to assure you that it is worth living. You are worth finding happiness and love and you will, again.

You are worth everything this life has good to offer. I wish this computer screen didn't separate us at times because I know if I met you that I would be meeting a good and kind person and someone that I would be proud to call my friend.

Hold on, friend. You are loved and you are cared for.

Terry

Luvinmike

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Re: The end of the road
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2010, 03:00:24 AM »
Thinking of you- Tery wrote good words about waiting. It can be so painful, it seems like it will never improve. Then there might be a break of some relief or distraction, then you plunge back into the pain. I guess realizing life can be so hard and painful, yet still getting through it is a key to it. I hope you are okay and that you keep that patience.
Terri

Luna

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Re: The end of the road
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2010, 11:09:32 AM »
I hope you read this.

Please, please, please, don't do this. There is always someone out there who cares about you! I don't know you, but I care about you and I care if you do this! Suicide is never the answer. You need to find the strength to go on or get help...There's nothing wrong with feeling you can't go on, but if you wait just a little longer, things may get better...

Sara Ann

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Re: The end of the road
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2010, 06:09:34 AM »
Mansour,

I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Please take yourself to a doctor and tell her or him how you are feeling. There are things they can do to help you.  You are in my prayers.

Sara Ann




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Re: The end of the road
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2010, 06:41:57 AM »
Hi Sara,

Thanks for your comments. I really appriciate it. It is really thoughtful of you to drop me a line while you are dealing with your emotions and difficulties you are experiencing in your daily life. Dear Sara I am not worried about my sad feeling, or not eating or not sleeping. I can handle that. But I can'e accept this failure. I failed in the most important thing in my life, and failed so badly. Doctor wouldn't be able to make me feel better az I am not sick. I didn't wake up some day and felt sad. I've lost all my hope, dream and reason for beng alive and countinue. I don't need to feed my brain with chemicals so I can countinue my miserable and future les life. I had to be more careful in the past. I lost my opprrtunity to be happy in life and I won't get it back. I don't see the life so precious that feel obligated to live it. Life is for the people who know how to be happy and how not to fail. I just have tried to glue myself to this world which is totaly different from being belong to it. I do not belong here, I dont deserve being here.

laurenE

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Re: The end of the road
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2010, 09:15:23 AM »
It is within our "failures" that we learn the biggest,  most meaningful, long lasting  life lessons.   So in the end,  it really is not a failure at all,  simply a painful learning experience.

  Give it time, so that you can see what lessons are to be learned through this.  You never know what the future holds.  And this is worth waiting for.