Author Topic: suddenly and totally unexpected  (Read 96398 times)

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #195 on: July 30, 2010, 03:07:03 PM »
hi karen,

i ask fred to help me all the time--i ask for signs when ever i am out driving i have been going for a ride at night just to get out of the house for a little while and once in a while i will see what i have asked for but i haven't seen anything for long time now--i love fred with all of my heart and then some--it is just so hard to be here with out him--seeing all these happy couples when i am at work--doesnt help--for i once had that and now i dont--i wish i could feel fred --i know he loves me and is waiting for me --but how much longer do we have to wait??--i just feel as though no cares--and i have no purpose in this life anymore--it is so hard to hear my co-workers--talk about their "husbands "!!!--and their families--when what do i have?? nothing--no friends and no close family--sure i have my dogs but they cant hold me or listen to me nor can they talk back to me when i am having a very bad day which is every day 24 hours a day--it is so hard to come home and no one is here--this empty lonely feeling that i have inside of me on a daily basis since fred was my life--he was my reason for living and now i have nothing

penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

jaxsaint

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #196 on: July 30, 2010, 06:48:07 PM »
Hi Karen and Penny,

It's been a rough few days for me.  I went to court for the criminal case against the (can't find the right words) man who did this to us.  I'm always a disaster after.  I wound up going by myself again.  Talk about feeling lonely.  Joe's mom was supposed to come with me, but seemed to have mixed up the days.  I had already told my family not to bother coming because my mother in law would be there.  I just feel like they aren't standing up for Joe.

Karen- the  silence bothers me.  I still talk to him when I'm alone, but I hate the silence back.  Joe always ha.d something to say.  I hate that this has become life. I feel alone too.  Even though Joe doesn't answer I keep asking. . .maybe one day.

Jackie

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #197 on: July 30, 2010, 07:17:30 PM »
Jackie,

sorry to hear that your mother-in-law didnt make it to court--it had to be very hard for you--and i feel your pain--i talk to fred all the time but he doesnt answer me either--i still dont understand as to why we have to be here with out our loved ones--especially when we were so happy with them--and now having to face this day after day with the the great big hole in our hearts--with such sadness and pain

penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

closs86

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #198 on: July 30, 2010, 09:28:20 PM »
Hi Penny and Jackie,
     So sorry that you had to go to court yourself, that must have been so terrible, and to look at that s o b, that did this it must break your heart, How many times will you have to go to court before they put this guy in jail??
 It will probably take you a few days to recouperate from the aggravation, I know it would be like that for me.  Take care of yourself as this is so stressful for you, i am sure.    I am off now until Wed. what to do?????, now the days get long, looking for something to do, can't just sit home, get to depressed. This is so terrible, I miss him so much, I think I will have a heart attack or something, to much stress for any person to handle, without it doing something to them.  So sorry that we have to be in so much pain, with no end to it.  It really is not fair, why does these things happen to people who love and are happy with their spouses, and then there are people that would be happy for their spouses to pass and they live forever. I just don't get it.

Have a good day, take care
hugs
karen
     

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #199 on: August 01, 2010, 02:04:09 PM »
another saturday has come and gone this will mark 12 of them--it is so lonely here with out  fred--no one to turn to when i need comforting--or a compassionate ear--this is so hard--i love fred with all my heart and then some--this is such torture being here with out him--i dont understand as to why some people would make jokes about someone so dearly to you and then laugh about it right in front of your face--don't these people realize how much this hurts someone even more--when i am having such a hard time dealing with this--plus now i have people stereo typing me at my job--i just wish people could understand this pain and torture i have to face alone on a daily basis--fred was my life he is all i had and i am all he had--and now to find out that someone stole some things from my home while i was gone over the past 24 hours--i always told fred that if it wasnt for bad luck we would have no luck at all--and ever since i have lost my wonderful husband--i am not having any kind of luck just one torment after another

penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

querencia

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #200 on: August 01, 2010, 07:48:53 PM »
To Too Young: If it's any help, shock and disbelief seem to go with the territory. No death could have been more expected than my husband's (two weeks ago)---he had end-stage congestive heart failure and metastatic cancer and he was 85 years old---but my reaction to his death has been astonishment.  How can a person just disappear?

closs86

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #201 on: August 01, 2010, 10:52:04 PM »
Hi
I am so sorry for your loss, that is it they just disappear, how??????? hard to understand, hard to accept, hard to live after we lose them, life is so different, and so many adjustments, like everyone says all the time, one day at a time, or one minute at a time, whatever you need to do to get through each day. I lost my husband on April 6, he was 60, and it was sudden and unexpected, so I was really shocked. very very hard to go on.
God Bless
wish you peace
karen

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #202 on: August 02, 2010, 07:04:51 AM »
hi karen and querencia

yes we do suffer from shock, and disbelief--for i am still struggling with on a daily basis--i am still waiting for fred to come home and he doesnt--i still cry everyday and for me as each and every day passes it gets harder and harder for me to deal with this--i love and miss fred so much--my heart just aches all the time

penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

closs86

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #203 on: August 02, 2010, 09:17:42 PM »
Hi penny,
    having a real bad day today, my sons, my daughter in laws, and my grandkids came to visit on Sat and Sun, so i was very busy on the weekend and my mind was occupied, today i crashed.  When i first got up I was o k, as the day went on I got worse and worse, and tonight I am in a state, I just miss him so much, we are approaching 4 months August 6, I just want him to come back, tonight i just want to run and run and run, and never ever stop.
take care
karen

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #204 on: August 03, 2010, 10:55:40 AM »
hi karen,

i hear what you are saying it is very hard to have someone come over and then pack up to leave again--i really dont have that problem since no one has spent the night here since freds funeral--if any family member comes up this way they will either stay in a hotel or by my mother-in-law--or even if someone just would stop for a few minutes and then leave and then we to realize that we are all alone again--it is so hard to crawl into bed at night when no one is beside you--or able to comfort you when the nightmares come--i also miss fred so much and it is still a stuggle to be here with out him--so many more things have gone wrong with my life since i lost fred--and i really dont know as to how much more i can take--i will definately be thinking of you on the 6th for my 3 month is coming on the 8th--i just wish we could understand as to why wehave to be without our loveds one--when we have such a happy life together and just to have it taken away from us

penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

closs86

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #205 on: August 03, 2010, 08:45:46 PM »
Hi Penny,
  I wish I knew the answers, I guess we will find out when it is our time,  I went to the therapist today, It was a tough session, but I think I feel a little better tonight.  I don't even know anymore, better for a little while, only to crash again, this is a terrible and hard road for us.
Well I better get to bed, work tomorrow
good night
karen

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #206 on: August 05, 2010, 07:31:55 AM »
hi karen,

its another bad bad bad day--i have been crying all morning again--this is just so hard to be here without fred--i just wish i could feel his presence and know that he is with me--i love and miss him so much--it is so lonely here with out him--everytime i have to do something he did for a chore like taking the garbage out after i collected it all--he would take it out--or do laundry we did it together--i know we will never get the answers we need but it sure would be helpful--it is so hard seeing other couples together and that they are able to enjoy their life when we are so miserable--this pain is so unbearable

penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #207 on: August 09, 2010, 11:28:40 AM »
its been 3 months since my wonderful husband has been gone--it is not getting any easier--it just keeps getting harder and harder to be here with out him--nothing can ever go right--i am still an emotional roller coaster--i have tried going places and i am so much worse when i come home--i cant stand this loneliness and emptiness--my heart is just shattered in a million pieces--so many things i did wrong that day--i should have known better--i am to young to be here with out fred--for he was so full of life--i still dont eat and next to nothing for sleep--i have not any sleep for the last 3 nights--and with my son also dying 2 hours after his birth--even though it was 22 years ago--has also been a massive toll on me--i have no purpose in this life anymore--i no longer fit in this world anymore--i just dont understand this at all--the 2 men i would ever love are gone--my husband and my son--so why have i been left here??
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

querencia

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #208 on: August 11, 2010, 10:39:41 PM »
To Too Young: I can't even imagine how you go about accepting a loss as sudden as yours. I can tell you that my husband died at age 85 after two decades of heart failure, 18 months of cancer, and 5 months on  Hospice, and my first reaction when I realized he had died was: surprise. I was absolutely astonished---how can a person just disappear?  How could he still be lying there propped up on that same pillow and  yet have gone to a place where I can't reach him? And no death could have been more expected than his. I haven't even accepted that he's gone for good---I keep thinking he's on a long business trip and that if I can just hold this difficult situation together for a while longer, pretty soon he'll be home and together we can set life back to rights.  It must be that our minds protect us by letting the truth in a little at a time.  And all of this must surely be multiplied many times over when the loss really IS sudden, as yours was. Take care of yourself. Like the kids used to say in the sixties, if it feels good, do it.

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #209 on: August 12, 2010, 11:06:04 AM »
hello querencia,

i havent been able to accept the fact that i lost my wonderful husband so suddenly and unexpected--every day is just torture for me--i still havent stopped blaming myself for everything i did wrong that day--for i still believe if i did hte right things right away he would still be here--it is so hard to be here with out him for i am all alone now in this world--my heart just sinks more and more every day--and to find out he had cancer after the fact he was gone and never had a chance to even try to fight it--no i wouldnt of wanted him to suffer but i also feel as though if we fought it together we would have beaten his cancer--i will never know as to what type of cancer he had nor will i ever know what stage it was in since i was not given the oppurtunity to have an autopsy done--and now i am left here to suffer in this world with out fred--i have my dogs but they cant hold me, or listen to me when i am having a very bad day which is every day--its not getting any easier--it just keeps getting harder and harder--i miss everything about fred from his receding hair line to his toes--fred was my world --my reason for living and what do i have now--nothing but our dogs--my tears never stop--and it doesnt help with letting someone take the harley to have tires put on it today and they didnt show any respect for the harley for when i came home i found some items that were left on/in the bike just thrown on the ground--i miss being able to see the harley when i come home for it has so many fond memories on it--but to disresect some else's property didnt help--i am hoping it gets back here soon cuz i am just going nuts with out it being here
--and if there is such a thing as miracles then why cant the one that i need the most be performed??

penny
« Last Edit: August 12, 2010, 11:08:50 AM by to young to be a widow »
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010