Author Topic: suddenly and totally unexpected  (Read 65750 times)

leo

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #15 on: May 20, 2010, 07:15:09 PM »
Hello again too young to be a widow,
Your post reminded me of the things that I would do for my wife...hold the door open to let her go through first...open the car door and always say"watch your leg" as I closed it...pull the dining chair out when she was ready to sit at the table...cook and bring surprises home to her when I went to the store...message her feet and legs with cream...she would always say to me " you make me feel like a princess "...it made me so very, very happy to make her happy...that was my purpose in life and now she is gone...I now have no purpose...the crying is overwhelming me now...take care of yourself...
Leo

jaxsaint

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #16 on: May 21, 2010, 01:32:56 PM »
Leo,

I really identify with the feeling of being incomplete.  I've struggled through most of my adult life, then I found the part of me that made me whole, made me want to be better.  My husband was so loving.  Sometimes he was like a little boy.  I used to rub his head to ease his struggles.  He made me feel so loved.  Like your wife, I like to garden.  I would come inside so excited about my plants and he would listen and be happy for me.  I became his wife.  My day began thinking about him and ended the same way.  The toothpaste I buy, where the pots go in the kitchen, what snacks he loved, these are all part of my routine.  Now he isn't here to give me his smile.  He isn't here to complete my sentances.  Those phrases we said everyday, I have no one to chime in.

To All,

From my husband I learned that life is something that can bring joy.  I felt it intensly for such a short time.  In the hospital I thought, "It took me so long to get here, you can't take it away now."  That's how I maintained hope and strength through those long days waiting to hear my future.  I tell myself all the time that he would want me to live, even though I don't feel it myself.  He would tell me that "everything will be okay."  I don't agree, but I try to honor him each day by waking up. 

Hope that things get better.

Jackie

closs86

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #17 on: May 21, 2010, 10:01:22 PM »
Hi everyone
     I just don't know what to say anymore, I want to know why he had to go also, I don't understand it, we were going along so nice, happy, he was retired, our sons are married and have children, everything was so nice, and out of no where this monster took over.  He also was strong, and walked 3 miles every day, along with healthy eating, so where did it get him, pancreatic cancer that spread, and it was too late, in 3 weeks he was gone, why!!!!!!!!  we will never get an answer,  I wish someone could give me an answer.  well I better go to bed or I will be up all night.
Take care
Karen

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #18 on: May 22, 2010, 10:55:16 AM »
i too wish some one could give me an answer--the death cerificate said cardiac arrythmia--how ever my husband was healthy--if he had a heart problem why didnt the doctor find it before this happened--i am hurting so bad and no ones really understands as to how i feel--my world was turned upside down in a second--no one to come home to and tell him about my day and how i am feeling--no generous smile waiting for me--with a warm cuddly hug from fred when i come through the door--i miss him so much and i dont want to be with out him any more--i cry all day long--i try to get myself to do things but in the long run i cannot--everything i do brings back memories of all the things we did together--he didnt deserve this he a GREAT MAN!!
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

leo

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #19 on: May 22, 2010, 01:15:33 PM »
Hello too young to be a widow,
It is very sad for me to see you be so upset but I can sympathize with your pain and your questions...my pain is excruciating and my sadness overwhelming with the loss of my darling wife 71 days ago...things seem to have gotten worse for me...so many of the feelings that you are expressing for your husband I feel for my wife...she is not here and I miss her dearly...I have no life...nothing to look forward to in this world...

I will relate some information to you if you would like...it is not meant as a solicitation or to advise people on what to do....I will just relate some of what I know...I am a scientist  with extensive experience in microbiology/immunology...an arrhythmia has to do with electrical activity in the heart...some are life threatening and can result in cardiac arrest with sudden death...sometimes there are no symptoms...some people have palpitations ( they can sense the rapid beats ) that are not always a big concern...any situation with some dizziness or shortness of breath, in my opinion, should be checked out...there are some alternative approaches that may help some individuals with heart conditions, in my opinion,...such as coenzyme Q10 ( CoQ10 )...some people with heart conditions have considerably lower levels...also, magnesium ion ( using magnesium citrate ) has been helpful...both supplements can be found in most health food stores...I am very familiar with both of these...I know that this information will not make you feel any better but I tried to address your concern about cardiac arrhythmia..

Try to take care of yourself and hopefully you will some day have a little more peace of mind...I am very sorry for your loss...

Leo

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #20 on: May 22, 2010, 03:59:05 PM »
leo,

thank you for this information--it did help me to understand this a little bit better since he showed no signs of this at all until that morning when he could not catch his breath--and we responsided right away with medical attention my sister-in-law was there and she is a medical assistance and did everything she could until the ambulance arrived--he never stated he had any pain anywhere nor felt anything was wrong with heart--he was heathly and strong for as far as we knew until that dreadful morning so many things go through my mind as to what we could have done differently and i should have stayed by his side where i needed to be--but i needed treatment myself and they took me out of the room--it is so hard to be without him as it is for you to be without your wife--this life is just so unfair god takes the good people and leaves the criminals here on earth.

i know you miss your wife as much as i miss my husband and only we can understand what we are going through
« Last Edit: May 22, 2010, 04:03:40 PM by to young to be a widow »
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

closs86

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #21 on: May 22, 2010, 09:27:58 PM »
Hi to young to be a widow,
     I know that feeling of how and why, and so fast, we will never find out why they had to be taken away from us, and we will never understand, my heart is hurting terrible tonight,  life is so unfair, how do we cope????
     I miss him more and more each day that passes, he died on April 6,  the pain seems to be getting worse. My husband was also healthy as far as we knew, he walked 3 miles a day and we ate right, big deal, diagnosed and dead in 3 weeks
 Take care and write often
     Karen

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #22 on: May 23, 2010, 04:26:00 AM »
thanks karen,

the pain does get worse on a daily basis and its not getting any better for me either--what is left of my siblings they all live over 5 hours away from me so i cant just go and visit them when i need comforting which seems to be on a daily basis--i have no one to come home to anymore--no one to talk too and its very lonely without him--i miss him so much and this is just so unfair.

i know you miss your husband and i send my sympathy to you--only we know what we are going through--people say they understand but they dont

take care and thank you
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

leo

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #23 on: May 23, 2010, 04:43:10 AM »
Good morning too young to be a widow,

 I hope that today goes a little better for you...it is so sad to see you in pain...I know the feeling of loneliness...my wife and I  had no really close friends, family or children...my wife's sister died 12 years ago when she was 49...I stay in touch with her mother and brother but they are over 1000 miles away...it was my wife and I  being one...that was so very good for us and now I have nowhere to turn...I come here and write...I detest it like this but what else can I do?

Leo

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #24 on: May 23, 2010, 06:27:47 AM »
leo,

this lonileness is just to much to bear--same here with no close friends or family--no children to help with easing of this pain--this pain that we share is so deep and it doesnt matter what people say it doesnt get better for me its only getting worse--its 15 days now that my beloved fred left me and i miss him so much as you do your wife--we did so much together--yes we have our memories but we had so many more to make with our loved ones--i know fred would want me to continue on but my heart aches there is a big hole in there--sometimes i wonder if fred is angry at me for not being able to save him or continuing to stay by his side--he enjoyed life so much on this world and i am sure your wife did too
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

leo

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #25 on: May 23, 2010, 08:04:13 AM »
Hello again too to young to be a widow...

I would guess that Fred is not blaming you...my opinion would be that for the conditions that you indicated, there was not much anyone could do at that point...as I indicated in my post to you yesterday there are instances where in some cases there is cardiac arrest and sudden death...I wouldn't blame yourself...I know that I have done it so much to myself at times...I am very hard on myself...but these are imponderables that we will never be able to resolve...we just haunt and torment ourselves to no end and we have not gotten any where really...I know that it is so difficult with all the emotions to control things...nothing makes sense...no where to go...friends do not understand at all...my wife has been gone 72 days now and over a month ago one of my friends said to me that she is gone and I couldn't bring her back, so I should get on with my life...I have had a number of insensitive remarks ( as my brain interprets them...I do not care how another person's brain is interpreting my situation )...we are not on a time line...now I am reflecting on my love but know that today I must face things alone...also tomorrow and so on...it is such a horrible feeling...I look in the mirror at times and I see a fragile shell that are the remnants of someone who was so happy and full of life at one time...I have been ending each day by crying myself to sleep and telling my wife that I love her...
Try and write more when you feel like doing it...I am sad to know that you are in such pain...everyone here cares...
I wish you well...

Leo

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #26 on: May 23, 2010, 10:07:59 AM »
thank you leo,

i to was a happy person and full of life now it is all gone--i tell my husband i love him all day long and that i miss him--i dont stop crying.

i do know the pain you feel for your wife and you have my sympathy
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

jaxsaint

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #27 on: May 23, 2010, 10:53:13 AM »
I understand the pain and questions.  My husband was so full of life because he had been so close to death before.  He was vibrant, young and a wonderful man.  He contributed so much to the world, and what he gave me there are no words for.  He was eating healty, putting on weight, making plans.  He was cancer free.  All he did was cross the street to come home.  The drunk driver doesn't have a scratch and my husband is dead.  How could this happen to him?  Why is this happening to me?  Now instead of happiness I'm filled with pain.

to young to be a widow

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #28 on: May 23, 2010, 11:14:19 AM »
this is another thing that happens in this world that doesnt make sense--such wonderful loving people are killed on a daily basis from a drunk driver--they claim that they are stiffening the laws on this but when?? someone in my area has gotten cited 11 times for drunk driving and they are still out there driving on the streets.

i am truely sorry for your loss and maybe when we get to heaven we will get the answers we seek--i am glad to hear that your husband was cancer free--i have seen the pain that one goes through on a daily basis--my father-in-law suffered from cancer until the day he died.

to young to be a widow
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

closs86

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Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« Reply #29 on: May 23, 2010, 08:59:59 PM »
Hi to young to be a widow,
       I hope you had a decent day today, I had a tough day, all I did was have a visit from a friend, and then she left and I went crazy cleaning a storage room, throwing everything out, not Johnnys things but just stuff, it made me feel good to throw stuff out, don't know why?  then came the breakdown, my son called and I just broke down, I felt bad I didn't want to put all that on him but I couldn't help it.  I cried and cried, now I am trying to gather my thoughts and write a little, it was bad today.  I hope that I am able to do this, it seems too hard for me at times,, and this is one of those times. I wish I was with him.
 Take care
Karen