Author Topic: Where is justice?  (Read 34702 times)

to young to be a widow

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #45 on: June 19, 2010, 10:59:49 AM »
thank jackies--but today is not a good day for to try anything--i hate saturdays and i just barely can get through them--i have to work on saturdays and i keep telling my boss that saturdays are the worst day of the week for me because just like clock work the down pour starts at 1020am and i dont like being around people--its not as though my day doesnt start out tearful but as the day goes on it just gets worse

penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

closs86

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #46 on: June 20, 2010, 08:54:14 PM »
Hi Jackie,
    Hope you got through the weekend OK, I know that it is the toughest, that is when we really know that we are alone, especially now that it is summer and everyone is out, all you see is couples, and it hurts my heart,  even though we were married so long we always held hands when we were out, we just loved each other so much, it's just not fair.
Good night
Karen

to young to be a widow

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #47 on: June 21, 2010, 04:50:54 PM »
hi Jackie,

i hope you are having a better day than i am--these last 3 days have been really rough on me--my mind is racing all over the place and i cant concentratre on 1 thing--ive been crying all day long--i hope yesterday went ok for you--for mine did not--i hope you are having a better day then i am

take care
penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

jaxsaint

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #48 on: June 22, 2010, 07:12:58 PM »

Penny and All,
Thanks Penny.  Every day is a struggle.  I'm not sure if any of us can really focus.  There are so many little things that need to be done, but I can only focus on the big things.  The empty feeling, the questions.
I went to Joe's favorite Coney Island experience. . .the Mermaid Parade.  It was hard being there without him. . .wanted to exchange perceptions.  After, my mom and grandmother went to my mother in law's.  Things went smoothly.
My sister in law had surgery today.  It made me very nervous.  It was storming here. . .the same way it was the last night I still had hope that Joe would make it.
Tomorrow is three months since Joe left me.  I am going to court to see the man who caused this, then I plan to visit the cemetery.
I hope you have a better day!
Jackie

closs86

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #49 on: June 22, 2010, 07:37:40 PM »
Hi Jackie,
    Coney Island, I don't live to far away from there, wow it is a small world.
Karen

jaxsaint

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #50 on: June 23, 2010, 08:20:04 PM »
I'm in Dyker Heights.  Joe was a brooklynite. . .loved all of it.

Today was another court proceeding, as well as making three months without him.  It was horrible.  First I was stuck in N.Y. traffic and running late.  The defense attorney was over two hours late.  His aunt and maybe cousin were there.  They were crying, the defendant was crying, i was crying.  What right do they have to cry?  At least they can still have a conversation with him.  My Joe is gone.  The life I chose is gone.
I'm questioning every belief and thought I've ever had.  I looked the man's aunt in the face and said, "he killed my hsband."  I don't know if she understood the English, but I had to say it.  They were trying to get an in court visitation.  I thought, how can they talk to him when I can't talk to Joe?  I wanted to tell the sargeant that, but the ADA escorted me out before I could.

I went to the cemetary after court.  I cried to Joe.

Sorry so depressing,
Jackie

BillL

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #51 on: June 24, 2010, 09:43:00 AM »
Jaxsaint I have been reluctant to reply to you up til now but I just had to convey my absolute heartfelt condolences on the passing of your wonderful husband; and also what you had to go through yesterday.  From your story I can only muster the bare minimum of sympathy myself for the man who did this, if any.  He made the decision to do what he did, he's got to live with it. 

IMO alcohol should be used in moderation (holidays, special occasions.)  People who turn to it as a crutch or way of life are ruining their lives, and others.  I get disgusted when it is described as a "disease."  People with diabetes don't kill people with cars.

Cigarettes are not as bad, but they did kill my Dad (I had a very bad week last week as I experienced painful delayed grief and guilt - even though  my Dad passed 3  1/2 years ago.

I wish you a soulful and hopeful gradual readjustment to life and if there is anything I can do, just write.

Bill 

to young to be a widow

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #52 on: June 24, 2010, 11:06:14 AM »
hi Jaclie,

sorry to hear that court didnt go so well--it is so unfair that some people can still have a conversation with their loved ones as to where we cannot--we didnt ask for this and we shouldn't have to be the ones to suffer--it is so hard to be here with out our loved ones--our lives destroyed forever--

penny
In memory of my loving husband Fred 4-28-62--5-8-2010

closs86

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #53 on: June 24, 2010, 08:23:00 PM »
Hi Jackie,
    What a bad day you must of had, that had to be so hard to see his family, I could only imagine how I would of felt, It would of been hard for me to not say anything,  I am glad they escorted you out, because it could easily escalate. It is good that you went to the cemetary afterward, I am sorry, it really isn't fair that they can talk to him,  the whole thing is just so unfair.  I hope tomorrow is a little better for you,  I live in Bensonhurst. small small world.
Take care
Hugs
Karen

jaxsaint

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #54 on: June 26, 2010, 08:34:05 PM »
Thank you all for your support. 
It's been a busy few days.  Yesterday was graduation.  My mother-in-law came.  The students and faculty were amazing in their tributes to Joe.  The faculty created a scholarship for two students in the robotics program through their own donations.  I presented the award and gave a speech.  I was actually able to get through it.  Here is what I said:
I'm here today to present a scholarship award in memory of my husband, Joseph Boffa, to two deserving robotics students.
   First, I'd like to thank the seniors for their support and congratulate you on your accomplishment.  He would be proud of you.  I'd also like to thank the faculty for their generosity in creating this scholarship, and their continued encouragement.
   Joe believed in the robotics program for many reasons.  You see, my husband wanted to live forever and he forecasted that robotics would be the key to creating this future world.  For Joe, the robotics program also represented a model for humanity.  Within the program students from diverse cultures and backgrounds work together and yet compete to be better all the time.  The two students receiving this award today have consistently demonstrated these qualities.
   Seniors, why this happened is one question I cannot answer.  Here is how I think my husband would process it.  Life is precious, but often difficult.  Yet, because it is the be all and end all, it has value above all else.  Even with all the pain and suffering his life consisted of, he could light up the darkest room at the darkest hour.  Joe was the most human person I've ever known.  He was compassionate, and as cynical as he may have appeared, he truly believed in the reverence for life.
   Please go forward with these few thoughts. . .Live every moment to the fullest extent, love deeply and laugh.  Respect one another because we are all one.  Learn, read, be better, challenge yourself to think.  Rail against injustice.  Be who you are at all times.  Fight inhumanity.
Zuleimie and Shakeria.  You were his secretaries.  You have both already demonstrated a keen understanding of much of the advice  I've given today.  Please continue to pay it forward in your actions.  I love you both and I know your contributions will make this world a better place.  Please come up and accept the first Joseph Boffa Memorial Scholarship.

closs86

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #55 on: June 27, 2010, 06:45:25 PM »
that was wonderful
Karen

jaxsaint

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #56 on: July 15, 2010, 05:07:39 PM »
Hi All,
I've been away for over a week.  I drove to Florida to get away from what has become my life for a little while.  I spent a week with my dad and brothers in Orlando.  I hadn't been to Disney since I was a little girl.  Honestly, the entire experience was more of the same surrealism  I've been going through since Joe died.  I've never spent that much time with my dad and brothers.  After Orlando I continued south and stayed with an old friend.  The truth is that he was once more than a friend, he was the first man I ever loved.  He helped shape me.  We started talking again after Joe died.  He is my go to person when something bad happens; I can blame him, get angry, and generally be myself without having to worry what people must think.  It was strangely comfortable.  I haven't felt that since I lost Joe.
All in all, it was a good trip.  Coming home is what has been hard.  Even though 90% of me knew Joe wouldn't be here there was still that 10% that hoped.  When does that go away?  I miss him so much, and the reality check of mail and phone calls sometimes smacks me in the face.  Mail about his insurance came, and the idea of money that we can't travel with together hurts.  Everything I wanted to do was with him.  I'm feeling disgusted with what had become my reality.
Jackie

jaxsaint

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #57 on: July 19, 2010, 07:18:48 PM »
Yesterday was Joe's niece's wedding.  Church was really difficult, especially during the petitions part when they prayed for him.  He should've been there.  We should be having our own wedding in a month from now.  Honestly, I'm so happy we got married before the wedding.  I'm so glad I didn't fight him on that.  I just wish we got to celebrate in a grand way.  I love him so much and I miss him like crazy.  There are so many things we never got to do.  People say things like, "at least you're young."  I know they're just reacting to their own fears, but they don't seem to realize that for me it just means more time without him.  They don't see that for me it means more time to carry this pain.  Like somehow my youth and looks are supposed to make this any less painful.
   
I'm afraid to be alone for a long time.  I'm afraid of not being alone for a long time. 

closs86

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #58 on: July 19, 2010, 07:37:28 PM »
Hi Jackie,
   It dosen't matter how old you are, if you truly love someone this is the pain we have to suffer when they are gone, that is why I always hoped to go first, but it is not up to us as we see.  It is very hard for me to function without him, but i try and try, only so that each day will pass and it will bring me closer to the time that i will be with him again. I don't know what to say, this is a horrible journey that we shouldn't have to take, it just isn't fair. No one should be in this pain and sadness, I just wish that it would be my time and that is the end of it.
Take care
Karen

jaxsaint

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Re: Where is justice?
« Reply #59 on: July 21, 2010, 03:45:03 PM »
Karen,
I feel like I'm just waiting till it's my time to see him again.  I was discussing with some girlfriends today at lunch who have also suffered loss that I feel like I'm dead.  They said they had felt like that also.  They recommended doing things to remind myself that I am alive.  Sometimes I fantasize that 2012 will actually happen.  How morbid is that!  I wonder, what life lessons do I still have to learn before I can be with him again?  I'm 31 and wishing my life away.  My husband would be so angry with me!  He believed, "life is for the living."  He wished for the years that cancer had taken from him and he wouldn't want me to give them away.  I just wish I could talk to him and hear what he wants me to do.  It's going to be 4 mos. on Friday and I still feel like I'm in a bad dream.
Hope things are better with you.
Jackie