Hi Evelyn
I am so sorry that you are in such pain, please don't do anything to yourself, you can't it is not fair to your children, it will be something that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. We all miss our loves, I was with my husband since i was 16, now i am 60, it was a lifetime, I don't know any other way to live, except how it was to be with him. It is not easy at all, this is a whole new life, one that we didn't ask for or want, but we have it. I have done things that surprise me, that I never ever thought I could do, I know that johnny is helping me, I feel it, I haven't driven in years, Johnny was the driver, now I have to drive again or I will be in trouble. You know how hard it is for me to get back out there, but I ask johnny and god to help and stay with me and they do. and I have been driving more and more. so many things that I have done now that I never did before, we have to.
I also want to be with Johnny and would love for it to happen, but we have to wait until it is supposed to, or we might not be with them again if we don't wait. I don't want to take that chance.
Just keep trying and pushing yourself, to get out of the house, try to keep your mind busy. even a couple of hours during the day will do you good.
Take care
stay strong
karen