Author Topic: First Mothers Day without my mom  (Read 10019 times)

Serenity

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First Mothers Day without my mom
« on: May 01, 2010, 02:06:48 PM »
I am new here and stumbled upon this website looking for others who "have been there".   I lost my mom on Nov. 20, 2009.  My dad passed in 1995 so as I tell my husband, I am an orphan.  He'll say, You're 50 years old and I say, it doesn't matter, I'm an orphan.  No one has ever loved me like my parents did.  I have a wonderful husband but it still isn't the same love I felt from my mom.  Even up to the day she died, she would light up when she'd see me and make me feel like I was the most special person in the world and yes, I am 50, but, I still loved it and miss it very much.  I've had a difficult time as of late with all the hallmark commercials about mothers day and to make it worse my relationship with my own daughter is estranged.  She's is active addiction and I'm trying to do the tough love thing so its been extremely difficult.  Anyway, look forward to hearing others experience, strengths and hopes.  Glad to be here.

georgiapeaches

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Re: First Mothers Day without my mom
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2010, 04:19:06 PM »
Hi Serenity,
I am an orphan too. nice to meet you. And I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my father in 99 my mom las Nov. and My husband in 08. this is the hardest journey you will ever have to take and its a day by day process, so take it slow. just remember to take care of yourself, and let yourself be. dont be afraid to let you emotions take over. Mothers days is very hard but I'm sure your mom is right there watching over you,and very  proud of you. I'm sorry tou hear about your daughter, I am having a couple of problems with my children, its always a challenge. God Bless you and your family.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Serenity

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Re: First Mothers Day without my mom
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2010, 08:38:55 PM »
Thanks georgiapeaches for the kind words and the warm welcome!  Wow!  It sounds like you've sure had your share of losses.  I'm so sorry and yes, it is a challenge.  May God bless you as well and thanks again

leo

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Re: First Mothers Day without my mom
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2010, 12:05:13 PM »
Hi Serenity,
I am sorry about the loss of your mother and the difficult time that you are having...I lost my dear wife and best friend of almost 33 years just 51 days ago and am having a most difficult time dealing with it...we did everything together and  had such a beautiful life...our love grew more everyday...we all respond so differently to our losses...words are meaningless...I try to go on but I am not making much headway...I love her so very much and my heart is tormented all the time...these losses were thrust upon us and we are left to suffer...I try to keep busy as much as possible...try to do anything to distract my mind a little...I come and  write here frequently...I have no family or close friends...unless someone has experienced the loss of a loved one they do not understand...some people find bereavement groups beneficial...I have chosen to try and do it myself...what else can I tell you...I hope that at some time you can tolerate the loss of your mother a little better...
Leo

isaac

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Re: First Mothers Day without my mom
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2010, 04:54:15 PM »
Hi Serenity,
I am new here also.
I'm also an orphan at 58.
This will be the first Mothers day without my mom for me also, she died last September.
Thanksgiving and Christmas were celebrated with my Dad, he died in January.
Easter was always a special event- big family dinner.
that was a tough one for me, and then had what would have been my Dad's 84th birthday just a few days later.
It is tough, I'd rather not go thru it.
Just know that the aches has eased a little.
May you find comfort in your memories, it sounds like you have some beautiful ones of a very special mom.
Take care,
Isaac

Irene

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Re: First Mothers Day without my mom
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2010, 07:30:32 PM »
Hi Serenity,
   I don't always come to this board anymore, but still check in here and there, especially at this time of year,Mother's Day. I'm sorry to you and anyone else here who is dealing with the passing of their mothers and who are not looking forward to this coming Sunday. I'm one that's "been there" as you say.
 My mother passed away over 5 years ago now. I considered and still consider her to be one of the best friends that I ever have had. I would go to my mom, with my worries and problems, and she would always listen with a little smile on her face, as if to say, that everything would be okay. She was never too busy just to listen. To anyone who is struggling right now, I just want to say that it does get better. I still wish my mom was  here. I think we all would want our loved ones to still be here.
It has become easier over time, to carry on each day, with thoughts of my mother and smile when in the beginning there were so many tears. Mother's Day is still one of those days, when I feel the loss of my mom, but I know that I can make it through the day, as will you. I am a mother too, but my own sense of Mother's Day always revolved around trying to make my mom feel special, because it was something I wanted to do just to show her how much I appreciated her.
  I can smile now, about that first mother's day, where I was in so much denial, that the day was upon me, before I even realized that it was Mother's Day.
  I hope that you are able to do something on Mother's Day that you enjoy doing,
that will somehow make it easier to make it through. My friend used to say to me, when my mom first died, that I would need to take baby steps. Just think ahead, whatever time you are able(one minute, one hour) and just try to make it through each little bit of time. It does get better. I loved my mom, so very much, and her loss was without a doubt, the most difficult thing I have ever faced. I just want others to know it's possible to make it through. I will always be thankful to this board and members for being there for me when I needed it.


laurenE

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Re: First Mothers Day without my mom
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2010, 06:34:41 PM »
I became an orphan at 35.   I lost my dad in 79 and mom almost 8 yrs ago. 
I wondered how many here would be struggling with this week.  I have been thinking and praying for everyone of you.

 Everywhere I go I either see or hear something about mothers day.   Although it no longer brings me pain,  I remember when it did and how devastating this week would be for me. I feel for those just now going through the 1st.
In the early days I tried to stay busy on this day.  Do something for yourself,  either movie or spa or nice dinner,  or even shop (all in moderation of course :) ),  or you could even go away for the weekend or visit a friend.  Anything to distract.  Thats what worked best for me.   Write her a letter  this mothers day too.  I have a feeling she will know what it says.  At the very least,  it might bring comfort and healing to you.
 
You might want to check out a couple of books.   "The orphanded adult"  and "motherless daughters".  Both very helpful to me. 

MomILoveYou

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Re: First Mothers Day without my mom
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2010, 06:10:12 PM »
Hi there my name is Luke I live in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I just turned 28 on April 15th. I recently lost my mom on April 1st 2010. She passed away in hospital with me and the rest of my family around her, she was unconscious, but I know her spirit knew we were there with her. The reason for her passing away was that she aspirated on food. This means that when she was eating, she swallowed food wrong into her lung passage and it blocked her airway. The night that it happened she was not feeling well and had taken her sleep aid to help with her pain so she could fall asleep in the car on the way home(she had 2 major bone and muscle diseases), my dad found her outside beside my car, she was alone outside eating a burger for all but 2-3 minutes.. He came running in and told me to go help him and that my mom had passed out in the lane way. I tried to help my mom and give her CPR, but I panicked, I don't feel that I did things right.. and the Paramedics took a very long time coming to my house. They also did many things wrong and could have probably saved her life had they not taken so long and did many things backwards She had gone without oxygen for a long time so her brain suffered alot of damage. After quite a few minutes they managed to get her vitals back and brought her to the hospital, She was in hospital for a total of about 3 days. During this time there were test conducted, and I must say the way that the doctor treating my mom acted hurt me very much and not all but some of her nurses were not so pleasant. This whole thing has been extremely hard for me, not that it is about me.. but now I have lost an amazing mom. I think about it every minute of everyday and I just spent my first birthday and mother's day without my mom. Sometimes I feel like im going crazy because of how in shock I still am about all of this happening, I had to watch my sweet caring mother pass away in the hospital. I guess part of me is still in denial that my best friend is gone to heaven so early, she was only 53 she would have been 54 in July. I miss my mom so much and am I totally heartbroken, me and my mother were extremely close and she was a strong woman and was always there for me, even when she was going through so much God and her family were her life, she truly was a super mom. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could have replaced her with myself in the hospital over those 3 days, part of me thinks I'm to blame for what happen because I didn't help her right it seems and I gave her the food she choked on. I forgive the paramedics for messing up but its hard not to think about it. I really can't see my life without my mom. I have been struggling now for 6 solid weeks. I have 2 little girls that need their daddy and I have been doing my best to care for them (not an easy task). I miss and love my mom so much and I can't begin to tell you how empty I feel that part of my life and me as a person has died. I always told my mom whenever she would pass away, I didn't know if I could handle it. I fight everyday to stay stable even though most days I think I'm getting worse and losing my fight. I try my best in honor of my MoM and God, because I know both of them would want me to try my best that and I'm a christian, so I know I'll see my mom soon enough in heaven. If I can say one thing I must say, I don't think anything can compare to losing your mother the person that raised you and made you the person you are today. My mother taught me well and everything she did teach me I'll never forget I miss her smile and she sweetness and her tight loving hugs. I just want my mom back.. but I know it can't happen till I see her in heaven. I guess all I have to say is i might not know exactly how everyone of you feels.. but I know I understand totally and feel the same pain you do. I just pray that well all get through our loss and have strength to get through each day. Take care all, my God bless and touch your heart as you deal with loss.

Luke~~