Author Topic: after 30 years  (Read 25707 times)

closs86

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #15 on: May 28, 2010, 09:42:50 PM »
HI Susan
    Sorry that you had  a bad day today, I lost my John April 6, so I know where you are, starting to realize that it is real, the numbness is starting to wear off for me.  I get a lot of anxiety attacks, where I feel that I can't take a deep breathe, This is so hard I don't know how we will get through it.  I am going to grief counseling, but i am not sure that it will do anything, it can't bring him back, When I was walking home from work today, Johnny sometimes waited outside for me, and I could imagine him standing there, it was so sad, I got very depressed.  Well I hope you have a better day tomorrow, and that we all find some peace.
Take care of yourself
Karen

zxcv

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #16 on: June 07, 2010, 05:53:43 AM »
Hello everyone.  I have been having my ups and downs.  I am leaving to spend 2 weeks with my daughter and grand children and than a week with my son and wife .  I was looking forward to it but now as the time approches I have such mixed emotions.  I feel like I am leaving a part of me here.  I will not be able to visit him.  I know he is always with me but it is the human part I am missing.  Does that make sense?   Hope everyone will have a good day.  or as well as can be expected without our loved ones. 

leo

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #17 on: June 07, 2010, 11:38:46 AM »
Hello Susan,

I hope that I did not offend you in any way with my response to your post in my section...I did not mean to if I did...I appreciate your taking the time to respond to me but I just wanted to relate my thoughts and feelings to you...

wishing you well and some peace of mind as you deal with your loss...

Leo

closs86

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #18 on: June 07, 2010, 08:48:32 PM »
Hi
 I hope you have a peaceful trip, and find some comfort from your children, my children are trying to help me, but they don't know what to do,  I pray that we all find some peace soon
Take care
Karen

zxcv

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #19 on: July 03, 2010, 10:01:50 AM »
hello every one.  I am still away at my son's home.  I am missing home sooooo much.  I think God had me do this inorder for me to realize that I am not able to run away from my situation.  I have been crying much more than at the begining.  I miss John soooo much.  At my daughters home with the grand children, yes, I had my good times, but walked into a mess.  Her and her husband are in the middle of a divorce, and the older child is feeding off of it big time.  I didn't have much of the quiet fun times with them like I was hoping to.  everyone was always on edge.  I spent alot of my time outside in the back yard sitting on the porch swing.  I really didn't want to get caught up in their problems.  I have enough of my own like each of you know. 
I am now at my son's home and him and his wife also very much disrespect each other, and fight.  they spend alot of time by themselves.  I watch TV.  We have doen some fun stuff but not much.  I can not waite to get home.  My life might be a shambles but at least it is my life and not every one elses.  I cry almost every morning wanting to go home. 
I hope everyone will have a good 4th of July.  I pray that I will get threw another day with out the kids arguing with each other.  they are not young kids either.  I am not used to all of the bickering and fighting.  that is now how my husband and I lived.  I miss him soooooooo much.  God Bless

closs86

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #20 on: July 04, 2010, 05:23:42 PM »
Hi Susan
   When are u going home?, I hope soon, you will be less stressed, I was away from my house after the funeral for a while, but I was glad to get home, I don;t think I can leave again now, I want to be here near his things, it makes me feel good, I miss my husband more and more with each day that passes, I think the shock is wearing off, and reality is setting in. One day at a time, that is what everyone keeps telling me, I guess we don't have much of a choice.
take care
Karen

zxcv

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #21 on: July 05, 2010, 07:24:37 PM »
I arrived home today, Mon July 5th,  I am so glad to be home.  This is where I belong, but I had to learn that. My kids have their own problems and I don't need that right now.   I need to go through the pain and lonelyness like each and everyone of us. Like you  I believe the shock of him being gone is wearing off and reality is setting in.   Being away gave me time to reflect on my life.  I was not abe to run away like I guess I wanted to.  His loss hurts so much.  I went to a shrine while I was in MA.  and talked to a priest.  that helped put me back into prespective.  I like you take one day at a time.  It does help.  thank you for our kindnes and concern.  I am going back to work tomorrow PT.  kind of looking forward to it.  I do home health non nursing.  thanks again and good night.  
« Last Edit: July 05, 2010, 07:27:28 PM by zxcv »

zxcv

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #22 on: July 11, 2010, 03:45:33 PM »
Today has been a very difficult day for me.  It's my grand daughter's 4 year old birthday.  My husband, John, loved her so much.  His whole life revolved around her as mine revolved around him and her.  We saw her when she was about 10 minutes old.  She was laying in bed with me last night (she quite often would stay with us) saying Nana, I miss nono so much.  I went to see him in heaven with Jesus and the Angles and gave him a kiss.  I rolled over and tried to hold my tears.  It's almost 3 months since he left me.  I knew that I needed help today so picked up my book God's Plan for Your Life Overcoming Grief.  It helps me a little focus.  This book also helped me with my trip away from home. 
I am still crying on and off being very emotional today.  Tomorrow will be a new day and back to work.  God Bless and hope everyone had a good day today.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all.  Susan :tearyeyed:

closs86

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #23 on: July 11, 2010, 06:54:01 PM »
Hi Susan,
    Oh I understand those grandchildren say the most beautiful things, that was such a heart wrencher, I know my grandson wrote a letter and hid it in the bedroom, he wanted to know why did you leave me, he was so upset and he upset us all, my grand daughters also cried so much they are 11 and 8, and my grandsons are 9 and 7, they try to understand but they want grandpa back, so do I.  It is also 3 months for me, and reality is here, now what????
    this is terrible
  god bless
 Karen

zxcv

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #24 on: July 15, 2010, 01:14:41 PM »
 Depressed, crying reaching out without much success   My work provided me with a phone # in order to talk to someone, I called  trying to reach out, (associated with hospice)she said she would call me back,  but as usual she did not return my phone call as I expected. ( I have some real issues with hospice)  I have not heard from anyone from hospice since my husband passed away in April , no letters, phone calls anything.  I understood that they have counseling.   I have even spoke to someone at hospice with no results.  I expected at least for them to respond.  Oh well I must not be a priorty for them. 
My family is great and so are my friends but I wanted to speek to some one a professional (or not I guess)  Well I am surpose to trust in God any ways.  the person at the church is away until sept.  that's the bad thing about snowbirds. 
God Bless susan

lovedhim

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #25 on: July 15, 2010, 09:58:58 PM »
Hi --

I am so sorry you doh't have anyone 'professional' to talk to.  Please know that if I could, I would reach out to you and give you a big hug.  Try to imagine it.
I care about you and all the others on this board who are going through the same thing -- life without the person we loved most in this world.
We have to get through this.
For me, there is no alternative, because my son is what I am living for. 
I am wishing you a little peace tonight. 



closs86

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #26 on: July 16, 2010, 07:09:48 PM »
Hi Susan
      I have been trying to get someone to talk to since april, every where i went was not the thing that i was looking for or needed, bereavement groups, just didn't do anything for me, I am trying to find a therapist as I need someone to talk to also, like you said my family and friends are wonderful, but maybe a professional will know how to direct our brains so that we can handle this, I don't even know if that is going to happen. I will probably be disappointed with the therapist also, I think I am looking for something that I will never find, (JOHNNY)
Take care
Hugs
karen

zxcv

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #27 on: July 17, 2010, 10:29:35 AM »
Hospice did finially contact me.  They were very apoligetic. ok it only took 3 months not weeks or days but 3 months.   I do have a meeting set up this thurs.  individual counceling.  who knows. I'll give it a try.  I am not up to group counseling at all.  The problem with stuff like this is, and I know you'll all agree, that when we need to talk to someone we have to do it on their time not our own. 
I am going to spend some time with some friends and my grand daughter today.  I believe I am spending to much time by myself outside of work, who knows.  Maybe this will help.  Have a great day.  my prayers and thoughts are with you all. 

closs86

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #28 on: July 17, 2010, 06:19:19 PM »
Hope you had a good day with your grand daughter, Not good to spend to much time alone, I am going to a one on one therapist tuesday, I am looking forward to it, hoping that she can help me get my head on straight,  I tried a few bereavement groups and was not happy with them, not what I am looking for. I think the one on one will be good, I hope.
Take care
Karen

zxcv

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Re: after 30 years
« Reply #29 on: July 18, 2010, 05:58:36 AM »
I reached out yesterday and felt much better.  The lonelyness was not as intense as it was last week.  I enjoyed the time with my friends and grand daughter.  I was able to get up this morning with a smile on my face without much difficulty.  yea.  My son and his girlfriend also asked me to spend the day with them.  I don't like interfearing in their space but I decided to accept their invatation.  My son realizes that I need it.  Thank God He is such a good son and father.  We might go to the movies or bowling not sure yet.  Have a good sunday everyone and God Bless.