Author Topic: Horrible day yesterday - Dealing with insane "still" wife  (Read 2563 times)

barbp

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 22
    • View Profile
Horrible day yesterday - Dealing with insane "still" wife
« on: April 25, 2010, 07:43:28 AM »
I am so exhausted. Yesterday Jeff's still wife came to pick up some of his things. She is an abuser and used to beat Jeff viciously during their marriage. He clearly suffered from PTSD. She showed her true colors as she was here and became increasingly angry. Thankfully I was not alone a friend of mine and my youngest daughter were here. It got so ugly that we had to call the police. She threatend me verbally, all the while their three children 18, 15 & 13 were present. She had been using them all along as the "go-between". Even though she didn't even set foot into my apartment, she kept looking in and even demanding MY furniture which I had bought when I moved in here LONG before I ever knew Jeff.

I am going to change my phone numbers tomorrow, I already blocked a couple of the numbers she used on my cell phone. I may have to get a restraining order against her if she keeps harrassing me.  All I ever did was to give Jeff a loving home where he felt welcome and could relax. He called it his "bat cave". He so needed to feel loved after having been treated so poorly for 18 years!!

I am not good at handling confrontation on a good day, now it is almost impossible. I hope I can get some rest today, starting my new job tomorrow. :(
In loving memory of Jeff 2/18/57 - 4/10/10

jes

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: Horrible day yesterday - Dealing with insane "still" wife
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2010, 07:42:22 PM »
Hi there,

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that crap! I'm not sure what your relationship is to Jeff, but it sounds like he had a pretty rough go of it with this person. Some people are just so awful. I had a similar situation, (I think). My Father was with a woman for 15 years. She was an alcoholic and was physically and emotionally abusive. Just an all 'round awful person. He loved her though and wouldn't leave her. I had nothing to do with her as I found her intolerable, (as did most people). She would do things to intentionally keep my Father from having a relationship with my Brother and I, and would bad mouth me and my Mother to mutual friends. When my Father fell ill she rarely visited him. Mainly the only times she came were to fill out forms so she could recieve insurance/compensation forms for him. He suffered in unimaginable ways in those 3 months in the hospital, and didn't have the mental where-withal to tell the doctors to stop. He was fed through a tube and didn't eat or drink anything for over 3 months. Things like that. Things we all knew he would never had wanted as he'd always told people how that was his worst fear, this he had always been clear about. We were all suprised that he didn't have a personal directive. In his final week when things took a turn for the worse, his "wife" came forward with his personal directive. She had had it the entire time and I truly believe she witheld it to recieve payments while he was in the hospital. The doctors finally let him pass away without reviving him. He trusted her with his life and she let him down for a little bit of money. I was so disgusted that it physically made me ill. I couldn't go to his funeral as I would've kicked the crap out of her. The only good thing that came of all this is that everyone else saw her for what she really was, and that none of us had to deal with her ever again. I hope that you don't have to deal with this person of yours ever again either! Do what you have to do to protect yourself. Restraining orders/peace bonds are a good idea. Document the date and time she harasses you and keep phone records. Don't ever hesitate to phone the police.
Good luck at your new job! Move forward!
j.

barbp

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 22
    • View Profile
Re: Horrible day yesterday - Dealing with insane "still" wife
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2010, 03:28:41 PM »
Thank you J!

I am sorry for all the crap you had to deal with on top of losing your dad.

Jeff and I lived together for 1 1/2 years. He moved into my apartment when his boat (which he had lived on for many months) had to come out of the water for the winter.

He had a lot of problems, drank heavily (beer only but between 15-30 a day.) He still was a good man. He wanted to change so badly for me, but was unable to. He told me every day (many times) how much he loved me, how grateful he was for me to come into his life. He did so many wonderful things for me every day, always wanting to make me happy. He cooked for me all the time and he was a good cook! Sunday mornings he made breakfast always coming up with new omeletts and other creations.

He was going to teach me how to golf this summer. We loved to do things together and if it only was going to the bar having a beer and playing Keno. We spent almost all of the short time we had together. I would help him with his work, he was a credit card processor and a he was a great sales man, he could sell ice to eskimos, but never took advantage of people, always trying to get them the best deal.

I never felt as loved or cared for as when I was with him. It did not matter that I am not a beauty queen, he told me all the time how beautiful I was. He had a great sense of humor too. I could not have asked for a better man. He was so scared of his wife that he never disclosed my existance to her or his kids. He was always scared. It took months before I could touch his head without him flinching. :(

Not only was he good to me, but I tried very hard too be good to him. I showed him what love is and how a couple should interact, even in an arguement and we had some of those too, usually caused by his drinking. However I feel that maybe I did nag him a little too much about some issues, always nicely, but I know it hurt him. I hope in the end he knew how much I loved him.
In loving memory of Jeff 2/18/57 - 4/10/10