Author Topic: Missing you  (Read 21888 times)

poppy

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Missing you
« on: April 24, 2010, 03:23:57 PM »
Hello Everyone,

I lost my husband, Greg on April 8th 2010. He died of a massive heart attack while out walking with our daughter and friends. He had, had a heart attack in December but was doing everything the doctors asked but evidently God had a different plan. I thought we would have more time and he would be able to enjoy his retirement. It is the little things that seem to get to me. Today I was trying to water and probably gave as much water as the hose. I thought I could handle things but now I am not so sure. I am returning to work on Monday and I don't know how things are going to go. Please, any suggestions.

leo

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2010, 04:19:05 PM »
Hello Poppy,
I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your husband...I lost my darling wife and partner of 33 years just 43 days ago...I have not been coping well and just do not want to be around people...especially groups...occasionally I talk to 1 or 2 select people...not many of my friends can handle my extreme grief...only two can...I am trying to stay busy...working many hours in my wife's garden...talking to her...crying...asking for her help...I am just not making it...people have asked me to do many things but I keep refusing...I have had to tell several not to stop over unannounced...many of my friends are concerned that I am not handling my situation well...my mind feels numb...I still do not want to accept her loss as final...I had to tell some of my friends to email me and let me know in advance if they want to come over...so many people will say that it is " normal " to feel this way or that way...as far as I am concerned there is no normality...we are all individuals...just let yourself feel the way you want...that will be what is normal for " you ". I have always been a people person and very outgoing but that all has changed...everyone is different and will react and handle their grief differently...judging from how I feel now it may be few more months before I "may " want to be with people or groups of people...there is no timetable but for you to go back to work after 18  days seems so soon but that is  based on the way I have been feeling... again that is me...I guess there is no real way to get away from the horrible and emotional situation that we are all in here...I just try to take it an hour at a time...I miss my wife so much and it is so very lonely in the house...nights are bad and the worst part of the whole day is turning the last light off when I get into bed...I hope that all goes well for you at work...it helps me a little to come to this site and just write anything down...there are so many understanding people here who are all going through extremely bad emotional situations...I wish you well and hope that you come to a time when you have some peace and comfort...again I am so sorry for your loss...
Leo

poppy

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2010, 05:06:26 PM »
Dear Leo,

It seems to be getting harder at this point rather than easier. I have 2 of my kids still at home and that helps but hurts as well. I can't seem to keep anything straight. I wish I could make everything okay for them.


leo

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2010, 05:58:00 PM »
Hello again Poppy,
 I hope that I did not offend you or seem too forward by saying that 18 days seemed so soon to go back to work...I apologize if I did...as I indicated that was how I feel in my mind...in a way it may keep your mind occupied with other thoughts...the way I am handling my situation I am always knee deep in grief...I do not know...that may not be good for me...it definitely will not be easy...I focus on 1 hour at a time...keep trying for yourself and your children...it has gotten harder for me everyday...
Leo

poppy

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2010, 08:27:34 PM »
Leo,

No offense taken. I completely agree that it seems to be getting harder. I am not sure I am ready to go back to work either but I am a teacher and I have to get back to my kids. The kids know what happened and that is going to make it that much harder. I am going to just take one step at a time.

I have my older son coming tomorrow and bringing grandchildren. Hopefully that will help some.

Poppy

leo

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2010, 05:12:34 AM »
Hello Poppy,
Just wanted to say hello and see if you are doing OK today...I think it is way too early for anything to start improving after your tragic loss but you have your children...it will not be easy for any of the people here to recover, if ever...hopefully there will be some kind of peace down the road...I know that my wife would not be happy with the way I am now...shortly I am going out to work in her garden and wait for her...
Leo

littleha

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2010, 07:17:08 AM »
Hi Poppy, I went back to work about 5 weeks after Cathy died and I think it was one of my worst days. Like you, the people around me knew what happened, for you your students and for me my customers. Looking back I find it amusing how different people confront someone else s  pain. A lot of them came up to me to offer sympathies while others chose to ignore it as if it will go away. I decided that 5wks was right for me and if you feel now is the time for you to go back to work I am sure you should be able to do it. I also know other people who went back to work only to leave for a few more weeks. You will know on those first few days if you made the right decision. You  think highly of your "kids" as you put it and I am sure they will be compassionate and caring toward you. They are lucky to have a teacher who cares so much as most teachers do care.
Take care
Allan
« Last Edit: April 25, 2010, 07:27:03 AM by littleha »
My darling wife Cathy
Love you
 July 3  1958-May 11 2009

poppy

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2010, 09:24:27 PM »
Thank you all for your input. I am nervous about going back to work but know that it is never going to be easy to return. I am blessed with a wonderful staff and great students. I will let you know tomorrow night how it went. Hopefully I will not cry toooo much.


leo

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2010, 02:56:02 AM »
Good morning Poppy,
Just to wish you good luck on your first day back to work...hope that all goes well for you...
Leo

poppy

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2010, 08:17:48 PM »
Hi All,

I made it through my first day back. It was more difficult with the kids than with the adults. The kids are sweet and told me I could keep my husband in my heart. That made me cry. Most of the time I was so busy that I didn't have time to think. I did cry all the way home though. I am hoping that it gets easier.

Poppy

browneyedgirl

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2010, 11:18:06 AM »
(((Poppy)))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

leo

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2010, 06:49:44 AM »
Hello Poppy,
Just to say hi and I hope that school is going well for you...I would guess that the children keep you and your mind occupied and busy...when these tragedies strike us we have no choice but to move forward...I still am having a most difficult time  after losing my dear wife 47 days ago but I am keeping busier...night time is the worst for me...darkness...silence...alone...turning the last light out before getting into bed...it is good you have your two children to be there with you...hope that you are doing OK...
Leo

poppy

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2010, 07:59:45 PM »
Hi,

I am very blessed to have children still at home. Grandchildren that keep me busy. Work that is a challenge. I have friends that call and make me do things so I don't get to wrapped up in my sadness. I don't feel like anything will ever really be normal again. I agree that coming home, doing all of the home things and going to bed are the worst.

Thank you for listening, Louise

poppy

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #13 on: May 01, 2010, 11:36:11 PM »
Made it through the first week. I know I have to keep going but each day seems like a marathon. I am really having a hard time doing the every day things. I am so used to having Greg to do them with and I don't like doing them on my own. Even going to friend's houses without him makes me so sad. I wonder if life will ever be normal again.

Poppy

leo

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Re: Missing you
« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2010, 12:23:39 PM »
Hello Poppy,
I do not think that our lives will ever be normal again...we here on this site have been thrust into a totally different direction with no hope of returning to what we all loved and cherished...I still can't accept it...there is no replacement of such a loved one that was such a very integral part of our lives...we are left to anguish and wonder what might have been...I think that your returning to work when you did should help you...it sounds as if you keep very busy and it distracts your mind a little...I guess it is not good to look too far down our roads...at this point for me mine looks too stark and lonely...keep trying...
Leo