Hi John,
I lost my husband 2 years ago April 13, so I do agree April does suck. But, you really do need to give it some time. The pain doesnt go all the way away, but it does ease up. And when you really think about it, your wife would really want you to be happy, to live a happy life, not to want to die. But I do understand, I have been there, just give yourself time, cry, but then realize you needto take care of yourself and live your life to the fullest and hard as that sounds right now. I wish you all the best.
Georgia.