lost my life

[closs86]

On April 6th the love of my life suddenly passed away,  8 weeks ago this was a healthy strong man that walked 3 miles every day, ate right, and without any warning, felt bloated and a stomach ache, went to the docter, before you know it he was admitted into Sloane Kettering Cancer hospital and diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that had already spread, how could this of happened, within 3 weeks of being admitted into the hospital he deteriorated every day, right after he was admitted he got blood clots that broke loose from his legs and went to his lungs, and that was the slide downhill.  My sons and I stood with him around the clock the last few days, it was so horrible, he suffered terribly the day before he passed, they gave him so much pain medication, but he still looked like he was in agony, even though he was not concious,  I will never forget the last day, it was the worst day of my life, my heart is broken and I don't know if I can get through this, we were together for 43 years.  He was my rock, my life, my love.

[leo]

Hello closs86,
I am so very sorry to learn of your loss and sorrow...your story as all of the others here brings so much sadness to my heart...it is never easy and never will be...it is good that you have your children...I lost my dear and loving wife wife 38 days ago...we were together almost 33 years...I feel numb and so sad all the time...my wife was my life, my joy, my everything...and she is gone...but I will love her forever...try to come here and put your thoughts down...all here have had great tragedies and understand...wishing you some peace and comfort...so sorry for your great loss...
Leo

[Nova]

I'm so very sorry for you and your family. The heartbreak takes your breath away, I know.
Wish I had some great words of wisdom that would help, but I'm still searching for those myself.
Please know that I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

[closs86]

My heart hurts so much, I hope that i can live without him, he was my everything, I have a constant knot in my stomach, 

[leo]

Hello Closs86,
Just to see if you are doing OK and again I am so sorry for your loss...it is just 47 days since I lost my dear wife...one day rolls into the next and nothing gets any better..the pain and sadness intensify for me...you have my sympathy...
Leo

[closs86]

Hi Leo
  I am still reeling from the whole thing, still feel like it is not true, waiting for him to come through the door, I listened to the message on his cell phone tonight, it hurt so much, I felt like he was standing right next to me. How could he be gone?  I just can't wrap me head around this whole thing.  I hope I can do this,
Thanks
Karen

[leo]

Hello Karen,
I can feel your pain from here...what you have said is how I feel...I am not planning on any support group though...do not know if I am making a mistake...try and take things slowly and be kind to yourself...I am so sorry for your pain...I wish that there was something that I could do to help you...
Leo

[poppy]

Karen, As weird as this may sound I feel like I have found a kindred spirit in this sad place. I also lost my love in April, he also was the a driving force and such a loving and wonderful man. I find that I am sharing many of the same feelings and stages you are. I read your posts and they mirror what is going on with me. I hope this doesn't sound to strange but it is comforting somehow to share this with you. You are in my prayers. Poppy

[closs86]

Hi Poppy,
   I am glad to hear that someone else feels like me, I sometimes think I am losing it.  These past 2 weeks, I have really been in a funk, I am trying to fight it, but I don't think I am winning. I did go to a private counselor Tuesday, and I am hopeing that she came help my brain understand, It is good to know that I have someone that really understands me, I don't think it is weird at all, I think it will be good for both of us, maybe we can help each other.
Take care
Hugs
Karen

[zxcv]

thank you for your kind words Karen.  I went to the Hospice grieving counselor on thurs.  She gave me some suggestions.  I go back in 2 weeks to talk again.  Since I arrived back home from my trip I feel so lost.  I had it so together right after my John passed away and now like you and a couple of other people I read about are lost and don't know what to do.  I pray that the counseling will help all of us in our own way.  My friend passed away today (fri) the funeral is next week.  I don't know if I am able to do it.  The pain is still so new.  God Bless and take care. Susan

[closs86]

Hi Susan,
   I am so sorry that you have another loss, it seems that is all we hear lately, I don't get the purpose of this whole life and dying thing, what are we here for to enjoy for a short time and then grieve.  I upset myself today big time, I went and picked up some 8mm film that i had transferred to a dvd, and came home and watched it, boy wrong move, part of our wedding, our kids when they were young, Johnny looking healthy, and handsome and young, it was very heart wrenching, well there is nothing we can do, I am actually looking forward to my therapy appt on tuesday, I hope that they can help us, even a little.
God Bless
Karen

[poppy]

Karen,  I too have been losing it much more recently. I thought it was because I am actually alone and not working. I was in Barnes and Noble ( a favorite hangout of ours) and suddenly I was crying uncontrollably. The dogs are beginning to wonder because they have started whining whenever I cry or whimper. I am having to do things around the house and I keep wondering what is the point. I have to get a better attitude when the kids come home at the end of August. I will pray for you, Poppy

[closs86]

Hi Poppy,
    I met some friends today in SI, went to the tibetan museum had a spiritual time, it was good, then went to dinner, while we were waiting for dinner, guess what mine and johnny's song comes on. I couldn't believe it, it was so bizarre, I was pretty shocked, when i got home just trying to figure it out, and i can't
take care
hugs
karen