Author Topic: Reintroduction of myself...  (Read 1767 times)

John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

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Reintroduction of myself...
« on: April 08, 2010, 12:08:00 PM »
My dearest Friends in Grief,

It has been a long time since I have actively participated in this support group. As much as I want life to stand still, life just seems to move too quickly and I find myself loosing touch certain things that have been of great comfort to me over the past 4 years.
So today I thought I would introduce myself and hope to be a more regular participant in this wonderful and supportive group.
It was Monday, February 20, 2006 at 12:45 pm when I received a phone call from a social worker from Harrington memorial Hospital in Southbridge Massachusetts. I was told that my family was in a “very serious” automobile accident and that I needed to get there as quickly as possible. I was told of Danielle Marie’s death after I arrived there 1 hour later. I was taken into “the room” with the ER resident, the head nurse and a social worker. Based on my experience of working in the ER as an aid and EMT, these types of rooms were only used for ONE thing, to tell a family that a family member is dead or will die. I KNEW that someone was dead, I did not know who. I knew that my son was alive because, I was able to see him when I arrived in the emergency room. I asked about my wife and daughter and was told that my wife, Bernice was being flown to UMASS Memorial Hospital with a critical head injury. I asked, “what about my daughter, Danielle?”
The ER resident placed his hand on my shoulder and with tears in his eyes, said to me, “I am very sorry, your daughter died at the accident site as a result of her injuries.” I put my head into my hands and screamed...”GOD, PLEASE NO, NOT MY BABY GIRL!” “PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!”
I went into the bathroom and threw-up.
After, I went into Jonathan’s room, took him by the hands and told him the most horrific news he will EVER hear in his life, “your sister Danielle is dead.” I started to make several phone calls to family and friends to tell them the horrible news and tried to get an update on my wife. I was told that she had been stabilized but was still in critical condition.
I spent the next couple of hours at the police station in Sturbridge. The station commander, Lt. Ford was very kind and gave me his version of what the investigation initially showed happened. He offered his deepest condolences over the death of Danielle. He also told me, “I know that this will be hard for you to hear, but I want you to know that it appears that she died instantly and did not suffer.” He also asked if he could interview Jonathan due to the fact that he was an eyewitness of the accident. I gave the OK and told Jonathan to just tell them what he remembers. At around 5pm, we were taken by one of the officers to UMASS memorial hospital.  As I remember by this time, I kept saying…”I can’t believe Danielle is gone.”  I have not shed any tears as of yet also…in shock maybe, or in disbelief…probably.
It just did not seem real.
When we arrived at UMASS hospital, we were met by two policemen who escorted us to the ICU waiting room where Bernice’s mom, sister and husband were waiting. At this time I broke down, fell into Joanne’s arms wept uncontrollably. I told her, “my baby is dead, my beautiful daughter is dead!”
I haven’t stopped crying since.
Then we were met by the nurse supervisor, the doctor and the hospital chaplain. They all extended their sympathies and let me know that if I needed anything to just ask.
We asked about the condition of Bernice and we were told she had suffered a severe head injury and was in the ICU on a ventilator, several IVs and was now restrained so she would not pull her lines. As we went into see her, I again fell to my knees in tears as I could not believe that this was my wife lying here in the ICU bed fighting for her life. I kissed her n her head and told her, “I love you very much.”
We were told that Bernice had an internal bleeding and swelling on her brain and that she would remain critical and that if needed, they may have to perform surgery to relieve the pressure. The next 24-48 hours were VERY critical and that she may or may not survive the night.
I was asked to fill out several forms, make several phone calls and answer endless questions to help the medical staff prepare her chart and if needed perform the necessary actions to help her survive. I just seemed to be in a fog as I did things that I never thought I would have to do.
Mom, Joanne and Dave, thankfully took care of Jonathan for me while I was trying to get a grip on what the HELL was happening. They would not leave my side and were there if I needed anything. I really don’t know how I would have survived without them. Later that night, we had to take Jonathan to the local Wal Mart to get him some new clothes. His were all cut off him at the accident and his coat and sneakers had blood, glass and other “matter” on it. I did NOT want him wearing this “reminder” of what happened.
Marie’s family will NEVER share the experience of watching her grow into a teen, graduate high school, mature into a young adult and finally a wonderful, loving woman. We will never experience the joy of helping guide her through her life, answering her questions, supporting and helping her through the “growing pains” that we all must face. We will never watch her experience the happiness and heartbreak of falling in love; perhaps getting married and becoming a mother and raising her own children. Our future with our beloved daughter was RECKLESSLY AND ABRUPTULY STOLEN from us that terrible day.
On Saturday March 25, 2006 we said our final goodbyes to our beautiful, wonderful, young daughter as we buried her. Danielle Marie was a huge part of our lives, which was taken away that day and can never be replaced. We will miss Danielle Marie each and every day. There is not a day that goes by without a reminder or reliving some terrible memory from this horrible day in our families’ life. This NIGHTMARE will forever be embedded in my memory and I will nerve forget the devastation and helplessness that I felt that day.

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:
Wishing You All Continuous Comfort & Peace,
John-Danielle Marie’s Daddy
1/4/95-2/20/06 (head trauma-motor vehicle accident)
“Her friendship was an inspiration, her love a blessing”


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Re: Reintroduction of myself...
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2010, 08:48:23 PM »
John, I'm crying reading your story. I've read it before and it's still so painful to read. It would evoke pain and sadness even if I hadn't lost my beloved son, almost 3 years ago, also in an accident--he died at the scene. But having lost a child also, I know all too well how it feels and my own feelings overwhelm me. The devastation is so real, and continues for us while the rest of the world seems to just keep spinning merrily along.  Very few of my friends ask me about my son, co-workers avoid it like the plague, yet for me, it is so raw and ever-present. I'm happy you're back on the board, you've been missed. I am here infrequently, as I always grieve so when I'm on here. However, it is the only place I can be myself about my loss and say whatever I want to say. God bless you and keep you.

Welcome back!

Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3


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Re: Reintroduction of myself...
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2010, 08:58:41 PM »
John, It is good to see you back. I have not ever realy left, though I have had little to offer for quite some time, so I rarely post. I have always felt that our experiences are so very similar, both losing our children in MVA's, both someone elses fault, neither of us involved or at the scene when our children were ripped from this world.....I just dont know what to say anymore, so good to "see" you I just wish it never had to be under these circumstances.
Sending strength and peace.