((((( Bev )))))
I'm so deeply sorry you're having to live without your precious son, Doug. I don't think there is a limit on time when it becomes easy to believe. They were our children. The most important part of who we were.
And, as we make our way in this life without them, we find more of ourselves and also how to incorporate 'us' into a very different life.
When you are able, please tell us more about Doug and please know I understand how difficult it can be. But, it's always helped me to write my feelings down, regardless of whether I even understood them or not.
Start a journal. Write everything you're feeling, down on paper. It makes it concrete and gives you a sense of realness, while living in a very unreal, life altering and traumatic existence.
Please take care of yourself at this time, resting if you cannot sleep and eating well.
Cry, scream, laugh and the list is endless because at this stage, there are no set of rules to follow. We make them up as we go along.
You have my love,
Terry