Author Topic: All gone...  (Read 31646 times)

jaxsaint

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 83
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #60 on: June 14, 2010, 06:09:27 PM »
Fireball Kid,

I know how you feel about reality.  What is it really?  I have a friend who is very into metaphysics.  He says that there are all different realities playing at once, it's just where we're tuned in.  I asked if I could change the channel to one where he's alive.  That is the reality I want to live in.  The same friend believes that dreams are snip bits of those alternate realities.  Does that help?  He also reminds me that the universe is much greater then we know.  Other friends of mine that have suffered great grief say eventually the dreams are wonderful, leave a happy feeling all day long.  Human nature. . ."fight" or "flight."  When my emotional survival is threatened I usually react with flight (flight from reality).  My husband always reacted with fight.  Darwin...but maybe it isn't just "survival of the fittest."  Ever read the "Book of the Way" (Dao de Jing) by Lao Tzu?  Daoism. . .interesting.  I'd love to hear your reactions.

Jackie

theFireballKid

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #61 on: June 15, 2010, 07:30:35 PM »
im drunk as i type of this, so i will try to respond the best i can. reality? what is reality, right? i dont know anymore.

i took a long walk tonight, felt nice but also terrible at the same time. all that comes across my mind is the fact that i've lost everyone in my family (and had to bury them). couple that with no relatives because they've abandoned me too. life is pointless, and i feel hopeless.

jaxsaint

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 83
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #62 on: June 16, 2010, 11:50:15 AM »
I also feel like life is pointless and I struggle with helplessness all the time.  I was discussing religion and death today with some co-workers.  Religion was one of my husband's favorite topics, it made him most animated.  Joe was an athiest, but we have some "holy rollers" as Joe used to call them.  Every Regents week they would argue like crazy.  I've always been a bit cynical myself; however, I've learned through this grief that I need to believe that souls meet again, spend eternity together. It may be like my husband said, that I'm too weak to see the truth, but if it helps me do the thing he loved most (life), then I am game.  Again I'll quote John Lennon, "whatever gets you through the night."

I'm always interested in philosophical conversation.  It helps to take you outside of yourself, and that's often necessary now.  If ever you want to try it I'm here.

Jackie

BillL

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #63 on: June 21, 2010, 10:36:07 AM »
Fireball,

Take a little solace in your girlfriend.  I am looking for one myself.  My Dad died before I could get married and have a son or daughter.  That is one of my goals.

Man I wish I was sitting next to you, I'd put my arm around your shoulder and be your friend.  This is what you need right now.  Caring people.

I care.

theFireballKid

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #64 on: June 21, 2010, 08:08:50 PM »
To those who have replied to my thread...thank you.

I hate saying this...but I wish I would be shot at times. Car accident perhaps. I don't know if one day I will just pull the trigger...

theFireballKid

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #65 on: June 21, 2010, 08:13:44 PM »
I singled handedly had to bury my mother, father and sister. Burying my sister was/is the last straw....

I will never forgive myself. And I know I could have stopped this. And for that, I blame myself.

closs86

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 231
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #66 on: June 21, 2010, 08:44:36 PM »
Hi Fireball,
     I hear the pain in your posts, I wish that I could help you, but you have to find strength  in something or someone, to help you get through each day, I know that you have heard it a lot but it is true, one day or minute at a time,  and hurting yourself isn't going to change anything,  I think that alcohol is a depressent, it isn't good when you are down like this,  Would you think about going to a counselor, you have really been through an awful lot for one person, I really wish you peace in your heart and mind, it is so hard to deal with these terrible tragedies.
Take care of yourself
Karen

BillL

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #67 on: June 22, 2010, 02:44:41 AM »
Fireball,
Stop blarming yourself.  It wasn't your fault.  Let yourself off the hook.
Do you see how many people here care?  This says something about you as a
person. It was not your fault.  Guilt is something people create when loved ones
pass. It is needless. Please let people in.

B

CindyM

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #68 on: June 22, 2010, 12:30:17 PM »
Fireball.....I know it's hard right now and I can sympathize with you having lost both parents myself.  Don't give up and don't blame yourself.  No one would want to see you give up...yes, life is hard and life can sometimes be downright awful but you need to stay strong, you need to love yourself again...please don't give up...we all care about you and together we can get through this...I'm always here to listen....

theFireballKid

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #69 on: June 25, 2010, 07:58:00 PM »
At the end of the day, this is an anonymous message board. No one really gives a damn.

theFireballKid

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #70 on: July 01, 2010, 06:38:41 PM »
I live in pain and misery every day.

theFireballKid

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
    • View Profile
Re: All gone...
« Reply #71 on: August 29, 2010, 05:16:05 PM »
it's been awhile since i've been on here. wanted to say thanks to everyone here who have shared their thoughts. this past week marked one year since my sister left me, been hard to dealing with this. but anyways, i'll be strong.